Have you heard about yoU Magazine?
The new creation from powerhouse Nineveh Dinha?
Talk about girl power, talk about inspiration, talk about empowerment! Women supporting women. Yes. More of that, please.
I got to contribute to the latest issue. And I went there.
Take a look here! Are you pregnant yet? Page 13.
Six months ago, I married the love of my life. The morning after we got engaged and made the rounds telling family and friends our news, I was bombarded with questions. Who would my bridesmaids be? What colors would I pick? What kind of dress did I want? Did we set a date? Meanwhile, I was just trying to process the fact I was now a fiancé. I wanted to soak in the night, and the fact that I had just been proposed to by the man I love. I wasn't anywhere near deciding what kind of cake I'd have! Fast forward through the process of making those decisions and pulling off the wedding of my dreams, settling in over the last half of a year, to the new question that I'm often asked. The big one. The, "so when are you going to have a baby?" I'm not sure what my reaction is supposed to be to this, or how most women respond, but it makes me cringe. It's the quickest way to make me instantly uncomfortable. I start sweating. You see, I just don't think this is a casual question. It's loaded. It's the most sensitive of topics.
I usually make a joke and quickly change the subject. I know that when someone asks this it's coming from a place of excitement, and it seems to be what society has taught us is the natural question to ask a newly married couple. Just like when you announce your engagement, the next questions are all about the wedding day itself.
The reason why I get so sensitive, is because it I don’t think people realize it’s asking a slew of personal questions all at once. Are you and your husband financially secure yet? Are you off birth control? How's your sex life? Are you actively trying? If not now, when will you be? Are you two emotionally and mentally on the same page? Are you tracking your ovulation cycle? When will you be at a place in your career when you can plan for a baby? Is your body ready? Are you prepared for the changes to your body? Have you two experienced enough to know how you’re going to raise, teach and explain the world to a brand new human being? It's also assuming you both want to become parents.
Maybe it’s the day and age we live in. Maybe it’s too much media and information overload, but I have witnessed a variety of stories from couples over the years. I have learned that it’s not always smooth sailing for two people get married and automatically have a baby. Some get married with no intention to have children. Some can't seem to be on the same page at the same time. One might even want one, and the other might not.
I also know women who have suffered multiple miscarriages. Women who have chosen to end pregnancies. Women who have wanted nothing more than to become a mom, only to realize that due to health issues either for them or their partner, there was going to be a struggle ahead. I've seen women go through rounds of in vitro. Sometimes it's been a success, and sometimes it hasn't. I've seen adoptions. What I’m saying is, I've seen it all. I've seen far too much for it to be an easily answered questions.
It’s made me beyond superstitious. Personally, I was always confused about motherhood. My mom told me she knew her whole life she wanted to be a mom. I've always been great with babies and kids, but I didn’t know that motherhood was something I desired. That is, until recently. Until I’d had a career for more than a decade, and met the love of my life. Suddenly I’ve found myself in a place where work seems secondary. And now that I've found my partner, it makes all the sense in the world. Actually, and I'm reluctant to tell you this because of how long it took me to discover it, it’s what I want most.
I’m not sure women can ever change being asked this question, but maybe we can change the way we think about it? Maybe we can approach it with a deeper sensitivity? Or maybe, we don’t ask at all. But let a new mother to be let us in on the news. So how do I answer the question, “When are you going to have a baby?” Well, it's a giant unknown. And it's deeply personal. I've already let you in on more than I should. Yes, we want it. As for the when? Maybe the first try, maybe the fiftieth. That's between myself, my husband, and our future baby. Whenever and however it happens. And it’s only for us.
Thanks for reading!