Oct 30, 2010

50 years of love!

50 years of love! That's FIVE DECADES, people! Can you imagine...?
Really imagine?!

Last night was my sweethearts parents 50th anniversary party. It was so nice. It was calm, elegant, special. There were moments during the 16 minute video he made for them that I got teary. I was there the night he filmed them answering questions like, "where did you meet? What was your song? Who was in the wedding party? Name eachothers favorite movie. Milestones? Advice?" But to see it cut together with music and PICTURES! Oh, the pictures.

I have been with my sweetheart for five years. The longest either of us have been with anyone. It's gone by so fast to me. Is that how they feel at 50 years? It's crazy to look at the photos and see them through five decades, changing with the times and changing with age. What does that feel like? To age together? To be completely different people now, at least to the outside.

It must feel like a disguise. That's how I imagine I will feel. It's me, it's still me in there...and if anyone only knew. The life I had, everything that had ever happened to me to make me me. I imagine it will be freeing. Still wanting to look good and take care of yourself, but not in the same way or the same "pressures" as now. You're relieved of that. What's it like to look at the face of your sweetheart and remember what it was like when you first met? When you were only in your first five years together? And what it was like to be young...and wasn't he so handsome and wasn't she so beautiful...? Will he still find me beautiful? Maybe more so.

What does it feel like for all that time to pass? To know the majority of your life together and your life in general is done? Is it peaceful? Is it stressful? Not wanting it to end? Scared of how little time, really, is left? Do you make peace? Feel contented your life was what it was, good and bad? It ends someday. It hit me in a different way last night. This all ends. Not in a sad or scary way. Kinda beautiful. Kinda cool.

Made me think what a magical time our 'earth time' must be. And how cool it is that if you're really lucky, you find your person to partner up with for it all...

* * * * * * *

Myself, mama & papa


A handsome son & papa!

<3 <3 <3

Oct 28, 2010

Say it with conviction!

You know how you always hear that confidence is the most attractive quality? Or that anyone can be attractive if they have confidence? I think I am learning what that means.

If someone says something with conviction, completely and honestly owning their worlds, then that's that. They don't waver, you don't doubt them. This goes for anyone and everyone.

Lately I've been in a phase of questioning everything. Everyone else, their words, their beliefs, their perception of life, relationships, events, the way they see things, their reality.

If this quote is true, and I whole heartedly believe it to be:
"Nothing exists but atoms & empty space. Everything else is opinion."

Then how do we ever know what's real? You hear someone tell you a truth, with great conviction (confidence) but this is only THEIR perception. What if everything we've believed, been taught by someone with that ability, that confidence, is wrong? It's their reality, but is it ours? Is it mine?

Just because someone passionately believes one thing doesn't mean you need too. Maybe it's not your reality.

But how do you successfully and calmly live in your reality and not feel argumentative and disgruntled all the time?

This, folks, is what goes through my mind through the day at the strangest of times.

I'm in the wrong profession. I should have been a student of psychology & science! :)

Oct 27, 2010

Knocked Up

Just found out another friend is knocked up.
She makes the EIGHT to either get preg/have a baby THIS YEAR.
How does this keep happening?! I mean, I know HOW...but HOW?!
How is everyone growing up and making such adult decisions?
That's a lot of preggos at once!
I still feel like I'm a baby!

I think the pic above is based on my life.

Oct 26, 2010

I miss being an asshole.

Last night in the midst of Zumba, the words "I miss being an asshole" literally went through my head. You know how as people "grow up" (I hate saying get OLDER) they tell you "I would never want to be young again, I would much rather know what I know now"? I kept waiting for the day that would happen. That I would know what that meant, and start saying it too. You know what? That day still hasn't come. I don't think it's gonna.

In fact, I quite think the opposite. IGNORANCE IS BLISS.

When I was in high school I led a big gaggle of beautiful girls. We thought we were the shiiiiiiiit. I thought the world revolved around me. I thought I was the most beautiful and talented girl to walk the earth and I had an unshakeable confidence. I literally thought I ruled the world. I knew nothing, and I was a complete asshole. I was spoiled and selfish, but young so I forgive myself. A little. :)

*Now before you freak out, remember this was a whole life time ago. Before I moved to NYC and learned to be humble. Learned that I was one of many fish in the sea. Now I don't even like to talk about myself or what I do when I meet someone for fear I'll sound like an asshole. I'm working on my happy medium.

As you "grow up" you're supposed to let go of caring about what may or may not be considered superficial or trivial things. You are supposed to gain even more confidence.

My first year out of high school I volunteered at the YWCA for a college class, I helped take care of little babies. Most of the ladies helping were older. Probably late 60's early 70's. One of them told me, and I'll never forget this, that she and women her age are supposed to be in their Golden Years but that's not true. Everything hurts, things that took a minute now take ten, etc. And even back then I knew that this must be true.

Who doesn't want to be forever young?

As I grow up I find myself becoming more sensitive. More cautious. I think you realize that everything is precious. You stop taking things for granted. You can have a heart break. You can lose a friend. You can get hurt. You are only human. You're not untouchable. You find your sweetheart and you care about someone besides yourself. I'm still confident but in a different way. I am aware feelings get hurt. I now know all to well that everyone is someones loved one. I am aware that youth is not forever and want to do it all and suck it all up until I no longer can...and then maybe *gulp* I'll even begin to fathom/consider what it would be like to be somebody's mom.

Anyway, last night at zumba there was a gaggle of young girls probably high school seniors, right up front and center loudly laughing and joking and busting a move and having the time of their lives and being terribly annoying and I thought to myself, "wow...that was me!" And that's when it hit me. "I miss being an asshole." Not that I actually and truly want to be now. I just miss the time before I was an "adult" (which, I guess I am - I still don't feel it) when I lived in a complete state of carefree. It was just me, just my girls, and we ruled the world.

You know what I mean...?

On the other hand...today was the first time I've ever gone to a dentist appointment all by myself. It had been waaaayyy to long since I'd last been and it wasn't nearly as bad as I'd remembered. Not even a little. I'm feeling quite proud of myself at the moment. So maybe it pays to grow up...a little.

Deena Marie xo

Oct 14, 2010

AMF & Wonder Woman!

I like to say the name AMF.
Because the first thing I think of is the drink, NOT Arts Meets Fashion. But that just so happens to be what I'm talking about.

When it rains it pours! I was asked to model for Hair Wars, the Blue Boutique fashion show and for one of the AMF designers. On the SAME NIGHT! I wish I could do them all! I chose to walk the runway for McKell Maddox, who was just on the last season of Project Runway. I have learned I'll be in a vintage swimsuit. Click the pic for the info. Be there or be square.

If you read my last post, here's an update. David E. Kelley hasn't called me (yet ;) ) but I'm going to be Wonder Women on the cover of the Halloween "IN" Magazine issue. The shoot is monday. I'll just have to send him the link!

I had two shoos last week, with Matt Spencer photography and Aspen McKenna. We did a LIPS series and I love how they turned out. Look it up on mine and / or their facebooks. The other was with Todd Collins. Old Hollywood Movie shoot with myself and sweetheart. Again, love them. Love anytime I can get my sweetheart to shoot with me!

This is week #3 of Zumba. I seriously NEVER thought I'd LIKE working out. From my first class I've been obsessed. I have found my two favorite places and instructors and will be buying my annual pass. Four times this week! I'm building up my endurance already, I don't need water after each song and I don't sweat like I did in the beginning. Time to kick it up a notch, I guess! I wish the classes were an hour and a half rather than an hour. It goes by SO fast. When it's done I am so pumped and wanting more. I've decided one day when I retire from all things acting and modeling I will totally learn to teach it.

Tomorrow night marks the beginning of Halloween parties and events! Costume for the first party? Sookie from True Blood. Bring it on!

Something else you need to look up on facebook asap, is this:
Different = Amazing.
There's a facebook group and event. One night only on November 14, 2010 at Rose Wagner. Very important benefit inspired by the recent teen suicides and It Get's Better. GET INVOLVED. Spread the word!

I love October.

I didn't realize it had been over a YEAR since my last Jack & Coke lady episode! So here you go. LONG overdue:

Tweet me: http://twitter.com/DeenaMarie

Oct 5, 2010

David E. Kelley, CALL ME!

This amazing photoshopped pic came to me today as an awesome surprise, thanks to Brandt Kofton

So word on the street (last night's Access Hollywood) is that David E. Kelley is making a new Wonder Woman series. I will admit right now, I really know nothing about her. But what actress doesn't want to play a superhero? David, if you're reading this, let's talk, I'm your girl.

Today was my second Zumba class ever. I went for the first time last friday and I think I might be a little obsessed. I want to Zumba all day! I can't wait to go again. And again. And again.

It's almost Halloween. We're going as Bill & Sookie from True Blood, of course.

There are lots of events and parties and shoots and things happening through October.

Hair Wars Oct. 16 I'm walking to runway as a Vampire. Wonder what my hair will look like? Voodoo Darlings Burlesque Halloween show Oct. 22. I am the opening act so don't be late. Info all over FB.
Two photo shoots this week. That's what I can remember w/o my sched in front of me.

I made you a video on the most unfortunate product names ever.
It's quite hilarious if I do say so myself. I mean, chips called JussiPussi? Yeah.

tweet me: http://www.twitter.com/DeenaMarie