Oct 8, 2015

My First "Baby".

I'm 17 weeks pregnant as of yesterday.

Lately I find myself experiencing a tighter bond with my pup, Noodles, than ever before. I didn't think that was possible. I always miss him when I'm away. I am always excited to see him when I come home. Those things still exist, just magnified. I am a bit more aware of his mortality, though I try to shove those thoughts away. I want to believe that he will always be this happy, healthy, energetic, and a part of my life.

It's like I am seeing him clearer than ever before. I truly see him. I see what he does for me. I am in awe over the protection and comfort he gives me. It is never ending and completely unwavering. I can't believe his ability to be this way. Words fail me. He is incredible. He is on another level, more enlightened than any human I've ever known. No human will ever give me quite what only he can. 

When I call him baby, or pup, it's never felt quite right. I mean he is to the outside, but I've known him forever. We've always been together, and in so many forms. Maybe we've been everything to each other. He feels far too old a soul, and the reincarnation of too many forms to be called those things. 

I'm not sure why I feel the spiritual connection with him is so palpable at the moment. I don't know why I am so open to it. I'm not sure if it's because we're in the final five months of it just being us? Because he'll soon share me with a baby? So things are heightened, he is showing me what he is? 

I can't stop snuggling, petting, and kissing him. I need him, and I can't imagine one day I'll have to figure out life without him. I can't. 

How will things change when the baby is here? Will he pull away? Will he be okay? Will he only heighten in his love, protection and care of the both of us? Is something telling me to experience and savor, because it's all about to change? 

One thing I am most excited about is that the baby gets to grow up with Noodles in his life. What a lucky, lucky baby.


Oct 1, 2015

To love more.

I never thought I'd love anything more than my career.
Than being on a stage.
Than acting.
Than creating. A name for myself. Art.
I never thought I'd love anything more than I loved myself.
Then I met my husband.
I became his wife.
I loved him more.
More than work.
More than me.
Now that we're bringing a baby into the mix,
I can't imagine that there was ever a time where work was the cap.
No matter how life changing and
transformative moments on the stage have been,
there's so much more! 
I had no idea the levels that were still out there to reach.
I can't believe how much more there is left to experience.
Yet another beginning.
I am not the same.
I haven't seen anything yet.