yoU Magazine

Have you heard about yoU Magazine?
The new creation from powerhouse Nineveh Dinha?
Talk about girl power, talk about inspiration, talk about empowerment! Women supporting women. Yes. More of that, please.

I got to contribute to the latest issue.  And I went there.
Take a look here! Are you pregnant yet? Page 13.

Full article:

Six months ago, I married the love of my life.  The morning after we got engaged and made the rounds telling family and friends our news, I was bombarded with questions.  Who would my bridesmaids be? What colors would I pick? What kind of dress did I want? Did we set a date? Meanwhile, I was just trying to process the fact I was now a fiancé.  I wanted to soak in the night, and the fact that I had just been proposed to by the man I love.  I wasn't anywhere near deciding what kind of cake I'd have! Fast forward through the process of making those decisions and pulling off the wedding of my dreams, settling in over the last half of a year, to the new question that I'm often asked.  The big one.  The, "so when are you going to have a baby?" I'm not sure what my reaction is supposed to be to this, or how most women respond, but it makes me cringe.  It's the quickest way to make me instantly uncomfortable.  I start sweating.  You see, I just don't think this is a casual question.  It's loaded.  It's the most sensitive of topics.  

I usually make a joke and quickly change the subject.  I know that when someone asks this it's coming from a place of excitement, and it seems to be what society has taught us is the natural question to ask a newly married couple.  Just like when you announce your engagement, the next questions are all about the wedding day itself.  

The reason why I get so sensitive, is because it I don’t think people realize it’s asking a slew of personal questions all at once.  Are you and your husband financially secure yet? Are you off birth control? How's your sex life? Are you actively trying? If not now, when will you be? Are you two emotionally and mentally on the same page? Are you tracking your ovulation cycle? When will you be at a place in your career when you can plan for a baby? Is your body ready? Are you prepared for the changes to your body? Have you two experienced enough to know how you’re going to raise, teach and explain the world to a brand new human being? It's also assuming you both want to become parents.  

Maybe it’s the day and age we live in.  Maybe it’s too much media and information overload, but I have witnessed a variety of stories from couples over the years.  I have learned that it’s not always smooth sailing for two people get married and automatically have a baby.  Some get married with no intention to have children.  Some can't seem to be on the same page at the same time.  One might even want one, and the other might not.  

I also know women who have suffered multiple miscarriages.  Women who have chosen to end pregnancies.  Women who have wanted nothing more than to become a mom, only to realize that due to health issues either for them or their partner, there was going to be a struggle ahead.  I've seen women go through rounds of in vitro.  Sometimes it's been a success, and sometimes it hasn't.  I've seen adoptions.  What I’m saying is, I've seen it all.  I've seen far too much for it to be an easily answered questions. 

It’s made me beyond superstitious.  Personally, I was always confused about motherhood.  My mom told me she knew her whole life she wanted to be a mom.  I've always been great with babies and kids, but I didn’t know that motherhood was something I desired.  That is, until recently.  Until I’d had a career for more than a decade, and met the love of my life.  Suddenly I’ve found myself in a place where work seems secondary.  And now that I've found my partner, it makes all the sense in the world.  Actually, and I'm reluctant to tell you this because of how long it took me to discover it, it’s what I want most.  

I’m not sure women can ever change being asked this question, but maybe we can change the way we think about it? Maybe we can approach it with a deeper sensitivity? Or maybe, we don’t ask at all.  But let a new mother to be let us in on the news.  So how do I answer the question, “When are you going to have a baby?” Well, it's a giant unknown.  And it's deeply personal.  I've already let you in on more than I should.  Yes, we want it.  As for the when? Maybe the first try, maybe the fiftieth.  That's between myself, my husband, and our future baby.  Whenever and however it happens.  And it’s only for us. 

Instagram: Deena_Marie
Twitter: @DeenaMarie
FB: Facebook.com/TheDeenaShow

Thanks for reading!


DM

10 Things I want to know about Deena Marie

Today I asked for blog ideas.  10 questions were submitted.  Here you go:

1.) Why in the world would a talented equity actress make SLC her home?
I took my equity card at the end of 2007.  My goal was to become equity, and to work.  I have managed to do at least two shows a year ever since.  I have gotten great roles.  I have crossed many of my personal dream roles and acting challenges off my bucket list.  I am able to work at the theatres I want to work at.  I work at the theatres that I prefer to see shows at when I want to go to the theatre.  For me, I prefer quality over quantity.  Before I took my card I put in my time with school shows, community theatre, and then shows in what might be called semi-professional theatres for a stipend, for no pay, or for one sum at the very end of the run.  Sustaining that kind of life and work was not what I ever intended for myself.  I have no desire to go back to that.  I am able to be known here and have put in a lot of time building a name, image, and reputation for myself.  If I never got cast, if having a card was a problem for me here, if I wasn't getting the roles I was desiring, well then I'm sure it would be a different story.  But I feel blessed to be here, to be doing the work I want to be doing . Just in a years time I had a great leading role in a Shakespearean production, got to co-create and bring my own writing and ideas to an original show, and now I'm embarking on a one woman play.  I am so grateful.  I can't complain.  I don't believe there is only one place or city to work.  I don't believe NYC is the only place.  I've been there, done that.  I trained there.  I've been back to train since graduating.  I've worked there.  I've lived there.  I'm so glad I did.  I'm so glad it's over.  I prefer life here. 

2.) What makes a home?
Not the walls.  Not the things.  Not the furniture.  Not the objects.  Not the size.  A home to me has everything to do with the people in it, or not.  And the place.  And I mean the place as far as wherever it is you feel "okay".  Wherever you internally feel best.

3.) How is 2013 Deena different than 2012 Deena?
In 2012 I died.  I was reduced to the barest of bones and the darkest of hours.  I experienced and survived more losses than I ever could have dreamed possible.  For the first time, I knew what it felt like to want to leave earth.  Somehow, I came back.  I amazed myself at my ability to recover.  I was bigger than before.  I became in touch with my spiritual path on a deeper level.  Now I am open.  I am far more in tune with my truth.  I am braver than ever.  I'm not afraid to make bold moves and change my life.  I embrace change.  I rely on it, the fact that nothing can last.  Not one thing.  I am better at living in the moment because I know understand that the past and future do not exist.  I no longer live where I lived before.  Literally.  I am no longer with the person I was with before.  I have a new love in my life.  My shaved head has grown back.  My hair is red again.  I am learning to let myself be happy.  To tell myself it's okay.  To let myself experience it, entire.  My life is full of new people, too.  Things are exciting again.  I'm no longer existing, but I'm now living.  I'm learning the power of gratitude.  I'm learning I'm never done learning.  We're all a work in progress and always will be.  I have a new sense that I can trust the universe.  That I belong, that you belong, that we are here at the perfect time in the perfect vessel, perfectly matched and part of a grand design we can't begin to imagine. 

4.) 2008
2008 Deena had long, dyed black hair.  Was making a name for herself in local theatre and all over the place from the YouTube channel she'd just started at the end of 2007.  The press and local features started.  The press and not so local features started.  Things were exciting.  There were new opportunities everywhere I turned.  I tried them all.  They were fresh.  Nothing like the first time. 

5.) 2003
NYC was still part of my story.  So was living downtown in SLC.  So was the wrong boy, although nothing is wrong because everything is a lesson.  I was a baby.  Oh, what a journey there was in store for me!

6.) What would Deena like for 2014?
I have plans.  I can't tell you.  Planning is tricky.  You can have an idea, you can have the intentions but you have to be flexible.  Adaptable.  I know what I'd like, we'll see what 2014 would like for me. 

7.) 2018
I've never been someone who can predict this far out.  I don't even know what's going to happen tomorrow.  It doesn't exist yet.  I can't know the answer to this. 

8.) 2023
No way. 

9.) You once mentioned going back to school, how's that coming?
I decided not to go.  It wasn't right.  My life is all at once or nothing at all, but the right things seem to come to me to guide me where I'm supposed to go next.  The Ford Fiesta Movement came to me right when I thought I might be going to school.  There I was, at an orientation and hardly able to sit still because I needed to go home to pack and prep to be in LA interviewing the American Idol contestants the next day.  As the hours went by my sense that this wasn't the fit for me grew stronger.  I've always been good at recognizing that feeling.  The sense of something being a yes or a no for me.  I didn't see it happening.  It was feeling forced.  I knew this wasn't for me.  I felt like a square peg trying to force myself into a round hole.  I later realized that wanting to go to school right then wasn't truly what I wanted as much as I needed to fill a void.  Something was unsettled.  Unsatisfied.  I needed something else, something new.  I needed to change something.  That all became clear and worked out this year starting in the spring and taking me through this summer.  I know what it was all about.  All I'll say though in regards to school and if I see it in the future is no, I don't.  I know to never say never, but I don't see it happening.  And it doesn't feel like my truth or heart of hearts now. 

10.) If at some point in your life you had been wise enough to put together a time capsule, and you opened it today, what would you hope to find?
I don't feel old enough to be opening a time capsule filled with treasures.  If I live to be an old woman, ask me then.  Right now youth and childhood don't seem far enough away.  I still have access to very vivid and what feels like recent memories of objects.  And I still own the things that would possibly go into the capsule.  My parents have many in their storage unit.  My precious childhood stuffed animals live there.  So do a pair of pink doc martens from high school.  I have my Nintendo systems from the 80's and the 90's.  So...my time capsule is still too fresh to be amazed and surprised by, if that makes sense. 


Thanks for reading,

Deena Marie

Jacque Fresco

"I make more mistakes than anybody I know, 'cause I try more things.  There's nothing wrong with building something and finding out that it doesn't work.  This is where you get your experience.  There's nothing wrong with criticism...

...all of us stand on the shoulders of one another.  And we shape the future."

Jacque Fresco
creator of The Venus Project

I discovered him today and have been watching clips of his talks and interviews on YouTube.  I strongly suggest you do the same.

Listen with an open mind to his thoughts on government, money, religion, god, science, democracy, socialism, communism, depression, language, why a utopian society is impossible, invention, groups of people around the world, land, our history, and our future.

I know this post is a little general, but there really is just too much I'd like to say.  Much more than I can write.  It's just so comforting to find what aligns with your soul, isn't it? While watching I've teared up, clapped, and cheered.

Here's a good place to start: US Has Never Been a Democracy