yoU Magazine

Have you heard about yoU Magazine?
The new creation from powerhouse Nineveh Dinha?
Talk about girl power, talk about inspiration, talk about empowerment! Women supporting women. Yes. More of that, please.

I got to contribute to the latest issue.  And I went there.
Take a look here! Are you pregnant yet? Page 13.

Full article:

Six months ago, I married the love of my life.  The morning after we got engaged and made the rounds telling family and friends our news, I was bombarded with questions.  Who would my bridesmaids be? What colors would I pick? What kind of dress did I want? Did we set a date? Meanwhile, I was just trying to process the fact I was now a fiancé.  I wanted to soak in the night, and the fact that I had just been proposed to by the man I love.  I wasn't anywhere near deciding what kind of cake I'd have! Fast forward through the process of making those decisions and pulling off the wedding of my dreams, settling in over the last half of a year, to the new question that I'm often asked.  The big one.  The, "so when are you going to have a baby?" I'm not sure what my reaction is supposed to be to this, or how most women respond, but it makes me cringe.  It's the quickest way to make me instantly uncomfortable.  I start sweating.  You see, I just don't think this is a casual question.  It's loaded.  It's the most sensitive of topics.  

I usually make a joke and quickly change the subject.  I know that when someone asks this it's coming from a place of excitement, and it seems to be what society has taught us is the natural question to ask a newly married couple.  Just like when you announce your engagement, the next questions are all about the wedding day itself.  

The reason why I get so sensitive, is because it I don’t think people realize it’s asking a slew of personal questions all at once.  Are you and your husband financially secure yet? Are you off birth control? How's your sex life? Are you actively trying? If not now, when will you be? Are you two emotionally and mentally on the same page? Are you tracking your ovulation cycle? When will you be at a place in your career when you can plan for a baby? Is your body ready? Are you prepared for the changes to your body? Have you two experienced enough to know how you’re going to raise, teach and explain the world to a brand new human being? It's also assuming you both want to become parents.  

Maybe it’s the day and age we live in.  Maybe it’s too much media and information overload, but I have witnessed a variety of stories from couples over the years.  I have learned that it’s not always smooth sailing for two people get married and automatically have a baby.  Some get married with no intention to have children.  Some can't seem to be on the same page at the same time.  One might even want one, and the other might not.  

I also know women who have suffered multiple miscarriages.  Women who have chosen to end pregnancies.  Women who have wanted nothing more than to become a mom, only to realize that due to health issues either for them or their partner, there was going to be a struggle ahead.  I've seen women go through rounds of in vitro.  Sometimes it's been a success, and sometimes it hasn't.  I've seen adoptions.  What I’m saying is, I've seen it all.  I've seen far too much for it to be an easily answered questions. 

It’s made me beyond superstitious.  Personally, I was always confused about motherhood.  My mom told me she knew her whole life she wanted to be a mom.  I've always been great with babies and kids, but I didn’t know that motherhood was something I desired.  That is, until recently.  Until I’d had a career for more than a decade, and met the love of my life.  Suddenly I’ve found myself in a place where work seems secondary.  And now that I've found my partner, it makes all the sense in the world.  Actually, and I'm reluctant to tell you this because of how long it took me to discover it, it’s what I want most.  

I’m not sure women can ever change being asked this question, but maybe we can change the way we think about it? Maybe we can approach it with a deeper sensitivity? Or maybe, we don’t ask at all.  But let a new mother to be let us in on the news.  So how do I answer the question, “When are you going to have a baby?” Well, it's a giant unknown.  And it's deeply personal.  I've already let you in on more than I should.  Yes, we want it.  As for the when? Maybe the first try, maybe the fiftieth.  That's between myself, my husband, and our future baby.  Whenever and however it happens.  And it’s only for us. 

Instagram: Deena_Marie
Twitter: @DeenaMarie
FB: Facebook.com/TheDeenaShow

Thanks for reading!


DM

Getting older.

4/5/2015

I never expected to be saying this, but I LOVE getting older. I recently had a birthday, and it was one of the best I've had. I look better than I ever have, and I attribute it to being so much more together internally. I know myself. I have wisdom. I have experience. I have insight. I have no fear. I follow my heart and I am in tune with my truth. I know just what I want. I know what I will accept, and what I won't allow. I know what I still have to learn, and where I want to invest my time and energy.  I've been wanting to put together a little list of what I love about getting older for awhile.  After a conversation with one of my best friends last week, I was inspired to do it.

~You know how to accept a compliment. How to accept it genuinely, and leave it at that.
~You don't feel guilty for saying no, and you are getting better at not having to explain your reasons.
~You understand that stressing out about five or even ten pounds (be it overweight, or underweight) is trivial. You've lived enough life to experience real trauma, real heartache, and it's given you a deeper appreciation for life. It's all about health. Your well being physically, emotionally, and mentally.
~You know yourself so much more. You're done with self consciousness and uncertainty.
~You no longer care what others think about you. Your wisdom has taught you that when someone judges, it's truly all about them and their perceptions.
~You are much more stable emotionally, because you don't have a desire to let drama into your life, or to create it.
~ You are calmer. You've survived the angst. The chaos. The growing pains.
~ You accept and embrace being open to life. You've learned time and time again that setting a rigid path for your life is small, and limiting.  That life always has a better idea for you in store.
~ You get braver every year. The more you get to know yourself, and what's true for you, the less time you're willing to waste forcing a fit or making yourself stay somewhere because it's an old version of what you once wanted. The only option is to grow.
~ You love the growth.
~ You understand that your imperfections are perfection. You are a one of a kind living breathing creature existing right now in space and time on planet earth.  Aren't you lucky! I read somewhere recently, "just to breathe is enough".  You're starting to get it.
~ You see the stark difference between the way you live in self absorption in your youth, and how you now long for the experiences that take you outside of yourself. You relish in this difference. It's real.
~You only have time for what's real, and authentic.
~ You don't feel a need to be anything other than what you are. No facades, no elaborating. You are who you are, and you know it's enough.


Instagram: @Deena_Marie
Tweet me: @DeenaMarie
FB: facebook.com/TheDeenaShow


Thanks for reading,


Deena Marie