Jul 22, 2010

The Loveliest song I've heard in ages... Dark Waltz

The words...breathtaking

"Dark Waltz"

We are the lucky ones
We shine like a thousand suns
When all of the colour runs together

I'll keep you company
In one glorious harmony
Waltzing with destiny forever

Dance me into the night
Underneath the moon shining so bright
Turning me into the light

Time dances whirling past
I gaze through the looking glass
And feel just beyond my grasp is heaven

Sacred geometry
Where movement is poetry
Visions of you and me forever

Dance me into the night
Underneath the moon shining so bright
Turning me into the light

Dance me into the night
Underneath the moon shining so bright
Let the dark waltz begin
Oh let me wheel - let me spin
Let it take me again
Turning me into the light


By Haley Westenra

Jul 17, 2010

Be a lover, not a fighter!

Just a friendly reminder...

From myself & many others who have chosen to put ourselves super *out there*. On the internet, or wherever it may be.
One of my favorite mottos is NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR ART. This should, I hope, be every artists (in any capacity) motto. Art is subjective. Everything is relative.

I have said it before and I'll say it again. If you don't like something? Don't watch. There are plenty of things I've come across I don't find funny or entertaining and do I take TIME from my day to tell the creator that I didn't like it? No. I am fully aware this is all part of the deal, but I'll always find it strange. What's the point? What good does it do you or me to waste time on negative energy? I try so hard not to give into negativity of any kind. Sometimes I slip, we're all only human, but I do try.

Just because we are out there as a social media personality or performer of some kind, viewers do not think of us as real people. We are just there for their entertainment. To please them or not. Often, what is forgotten is that everyone is a real person with real feelings. Families and friends and sensitivities and good days and bad days. We get feelings hurt. We get vulnerable.

I've had run ins with people (usually grown men - which can be scary on its own to say the least) online and had to block and delete many times. When I feel it really crosses the boundaries is on facebook. Youtube is one thing. Youtube is worldwide. Gigantic. A vehicle of it's own I can't possibly control. It's not personal. My facebook, however, is. My family and friends and loved ones and real life contacts are there. I'd be lying if I said I didn't care when someone that I don't know well, or at all, takes the TIME to post something negative.

Come on. Let me have my little bit of internet space where I feel like it's still MINE. Still somewhat personal. I decided a long time ago, anything that may strike me as offensive, or I don't want my family and friends to see and get riled up about, I delete them from my friends. I don't know you, you don't know me. We owe each other nothing, and it's JUST FACEBOOK! Who cares if we can't be facebook friends? It doesn't mean I hate you, wish ill on you, it's "this is my space, I feel uncomfortable, I don't want to risk you doing it again and me waking up to negativity (you don't know what's going on in my life & maybe that was the last thing I needed that day), so I'd like to delete you." I have every right to do it.

People get sooooo bent out of shape and even post physically threatening status updates about me. That is a threat. I take that VERY SERIOUSLY. Grown men (maybe they're creepers and maybe they're not. Again, we DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER. So think about how you are coming across). You have a woman in your life in some form or another, daughter, sister, mother, niece, friend, etc how would you feel if she were threatened? It's Scary. Hurtful. You get the drift. I often won't write back, just delete. A couple of times I've reached out to try to explain myself in a message. This has proved itself to once again, not be worth it. Things get to crazy and even more uncomfortable for me.

So strange.

I guess I just want everyone watching to remember I'm a person with feelings and a life full of all kinds of things and people...just like you.

Think twice about that, please. About any entertainer out there.
You never truly know them. You never know the full story.
You never know why they are running their internet life the way they are. But there are big reasons.

Never do these people realize maybe I just plain don't want the drama. They comment negatively, the may get the onslaught of fans and friends who feel the need to insult them, stick up for me, and it becomes huge.

This is exactly why I don't let 99.9% of my real self out there onto the web, and why I don't let people in quickly.
This is also why, I suppose, people think I'm yelling at them in my message when I'm just trying to be as business like and calm as I can be.

I appreciate all the support!

That's it! :)


Jul 9, 2010

25 Randoms

1- When I was in elementary I was scared of Bears. I thought they might even come into my classroom and get me. This fear is based in nothing other than my crazy imagination.

2- I eat a lot of dill pickles. My favorite food.

3- I've never broken a bone (knock on wood).

4- I still think saying "your mom" is funny.

5- I think the cutest male celebs are (in no particular order):
Michael C. Hall, Ryan Gosling, Joel McHale, Leonardo DiCaprio, Cillian Murphy, James Franco, Hayden Christensen, Robert Downy Jr., Stephen Moyer, Ryan Kwanten

6- I think the cutest female celebs are (in no particular order):
Angelina (okay she's my #1 always and forever). Evangeline Lily, Claire Danes, Evan Rachel Wood, Jessica Biel, Kristin Cavalleri, Kate Beckinsale, Gisele, Miranda Kerr, Olivia Palermo

7- I eat a lot of candy

8- I like sad movies best of all. Preferably romantic ones.

9- Airplanes make me feel claustrophobic. I don't like the feeling that I'm not in control and can't stop or get off when I want. #TypeAPersonality

10- "Billy Madison", "Napoleon Dynamite" and "Zoolander" are some of my fav funnies. Best quotes ever.

11- If I wasn't an actor I'd be a paleontologist.

12- I don't believe in regrets, other than not paying attention in math class. If I could, I'd love to study metaphysics. Stay in school & pay attention, kids! Science is where it's at!

13- I want to go to space.

14- I'm in the mood for christmas when it's summer and at christmas all I want is summer.

15- I like being by the ocean but not *in* it. Too dirty and I am not a good swimmer. I panic.

16- I stress that I won't see anything truly scientifically cool in my life. Time travel, life on other planets, etc.

17- I never used to get scared in horror movies until the last few years.

18- I like Twilight and I don't care what you say.

19- I really love my family.

20- I prefer to text or message. Only few do I talk to on the phone or even give my number to anymore.

21- I'm obsessed with the Legend of Zelda and have always wanted the triforce tattooed on me.

22- I want to travel so bad I can't stand it.

23- I've always wanted to shave my head at some point in my life, just to start fresh with my poor hair that's been dyed a zillion trillion times, and to say I've done it.

24- My favorite book is the Life of Pi. I'm obsessed with it.

25- I've always wanted to be a part of a utopian society (The Beach, Lord of the Flies, Animal Farm, The Village, etc) even though it would never be.

Jul 7, 2010

I would like...

To be the muse of Marin Scorsese or Quentin Tarantino.
Even (and I know you'll disagree) M Night.
To be super rich so I could travel.
To travel.
To have a vacation.
To be on a beach.
To visit a new country.
To have homes on the East & West coast.
Did I mention travel?
To do a million things I've never done before.
To see a million places I've never seen before.
To be changed and humbled by the what's out there in the
world that I can only for now imagine...

Deena Marie

Jul 6, 2010

I have learned...

I am sensitive when I don't want to admit it.

Us humans are so resilient it's mind blowing.

While ignorance is bliss...as you grow older and see those younger than you making such ignorant mistakes, I wouldn't trade what I know now for the world. I have a new understanding of the outcome of both hurting and respecting others.

Believe in yourself when nobody else does.

You really can't depend on anyone but yourself (and hopefully your family).

A quote I recently came across that I'm currently in love with...

"At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want." -Lao Tzu

And a reminder for us all:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

xo Deena Marie

Jul 5, 2010

My Baby

I'd never had a pet until Noodles. I was only allowed to have fish growing up. My very first puppy. He turns 3 in August. I got him when he was about 3 months old. He changed my life. I had no idea what it's like to have a bond with an animal like that. He turned me into the biggest animal lover. He made me care SO much. Pets are SO special. They can't tell you they don't want to go home with you and live with you. They can't tell you they're unhappy or something hurts. It's your job to give them the BEST life that you can. They love you no matter what. They are there to comfort you when nobody else is. Noodles never leaves my side. He always knows what I'm feeling. He is SO precious to me. He's my baby. We're so bonded. My sweetheart is always pointing out the ways we're alike. :)

Last night we got home from Park City where we'd spent the night. My mom and slept over at my house to watch him (told you he is the baby). We got home and as we went upstairs he looked like he had a hard time getting up the last few steps. We went in the kitchen to eat dinner and he was having a hard time sitting for a treat. Both very unusual for him. He'd sit about halfway and it looked like he couldn't do it and he'd stand back up. After trying a few times, he wouldn't try at at all. We had him do the stairs a few times and he could do a few, then he'd struggle. His front legs were fine but it looked like something was wrong with one or both of his back legs, I couldn't tell. When he stopped, almost stuck on the stairs, that's when we knew we needed to go to the emergency. He didn't seem in pain, but he'd never done this. I've seen a few chihuahuas, one very recently that belongs to our friends that was suddenly paralyzed and put in wheels. I was so worried something was wrong with his legs or spine.

The Doctors were great, they figure it could be a bulging disc or muscle soreness. We also found out he has a knee cap that can come out of place easily. The Dr. said we probably wouldn't see much with an x-ray, so to go home and keep an eye on him. To carry him and not let him do stairs for awhile, not let him jump up or down from the couch. He gave us prednisone, muscle relaxer and a pain killer.

I can go on auto pilot and be tough for the baby up until the end. When we were sitting in the lobby waiting for the meds, two ladies came in with a big german shepherd. It was laying on the floor, it was an old dog. Two nurses came by, and he had to be picked up by them and carried him into one of the rooms, he was barely moving. That's when I lost it. Other than hurrying Noodles to the vet with a bee sting (which also traumatized me), I never really imagined that he'd get sick, or hurt, or ever need to go to the emergency.

I feel like he'll always be here. I've never really thought about the fact that one day he'll get old. I can't even fathom that he won't live by my side forever. So many thoughts went through my head. If your baby is sick, how do you make tough decisions? How do you decide to put them in the wheels or put them down? What if the unthinkable happens and you don't have them as long as you think you will? I started thinking about my aunts who both had old dogs who recently had to be put down. What is that like? To say goodbye, to see your baby laying there for the last time? I was seeing the images of when I first laid eyes on him and knew he was the one. I remember picking him up to take him home. I was so nervous, he was just out of a bath and they'd put a little blue bandanna on him. I remember the first night home. My sweetheart said Noodles would cry and we couldn't pick him up and put him in our bed, he needed to learn to sleep in his bed from the start. He cried all night and so did I. :)

I'm VERY grateful that it was what it was. But I was reminded how fragile Noodles is, how delicate. He's got a tiny little body with tiny little legs and isn't as tough as I (or he) thinks he is.

He's doing great today, I know he'll LOVE the extra attention & being carried around. He's taking his meds-on a treat, and seems totally like himself.

Never take your pets for granted, remember that you chose THEM and took them into your home and you owe it to them to give them the best. Always take them to the Dr. at the smallest sign of them acting out of the ordinary. If you have a pup or a pet, give them an extra squeeze today!

Deena Marie <3