Nov 21, 2010

The "Baby Lady"

Comic by Natalie Dee.

Ha ha ha ha! The BABY LADY! It has a NAME!
What a perfect name. You all know what a Baby Lady is.

The Baby Lady must go.

The Baby Lady is a woman of a "certain age" who dresses, talks, behaves, updates her facebook status and posts pictures of herself that are just no longer appropriate.

Come. On. Unless you're Demi Moore, just...don't. Don't do this:

The Baby Lady has long since had her time, yet is still under the impression she's still "got it" and should pose in her skivvies.

Nobody. Wants. To. See. It.

Just say NO to the Baby Lady.

If I ever become one, slap me.

Nov 20, 2010

I love to Zumba. Really love.

You know how you hear people say "If you find something you love to do you'll never work a day in your life?" This totally applies to working out. That's the first thing that popped into my head when I found zumba. You've heard me say I love zumba but it's so much more than that.

It's literally changed my life.

I have gone my whole life without working out. All I ever did was go on walks outside when the weather was nice. I bought a treadmill. I hate it. I might like it for a few days but then I'm totally over it. It's so boring to me and I can't stop looking at the time. I've tried to jog and it's just not for me. I hear people say they get into their zone, it's their therapy, they have to do it. I've never been able to relate. I've never been able to stick to any for of "working out" regularly. I've never had a gym membership. So many people I know go to the gym regularly. It's a part of their day. I've never understood that. I only set foot in a gym once. Walked on the treadmill and was over it. I guess I just didn't know what to do. How to find a workout I liked.

*Let me also say this. Working out does not affect my weight so I'm not a good gage to tell you what is right for weight loss. I don't think I could gain or loose weight if I tried. I am the same size I was at 14. I am hoping to tone up, however.

*If you do try zumba, don't expect to catch on right away. Hang in there. Go to a bunch of classes and instructors.

I like to move. I like to feel active. I've recently learned I like to sweat. I have learned what it means when someone says they like to feel strong. I like to feel my endurance/stamina getting better. Above all, I feel mentally fantastic after a zumba class.

There is nothing like that post workout feeling.

I tried my first zumba class on october 1. I was hooked right then. I know if I like something instantly. I know if I can stick to it or not. I know what I like, what I don't what I can and can't do. What I'm willing to do or not do.

For those who don't know what zumba is, it's like a latin dance aerobic class. I've been to 10 different instructors now so I definitely have my favorite classes and instructors for various reasons. I like one because of the arms and abs. Another because it feels more like a hip hop dance class.

It did help that I'm a dancer. I pick up the combinations easily. It takes me back to days of dance class. Ballet, jazz, hip hop, you name it, I did it. I almost forgot that love of physicality. I like that hour to move. I find my zone, it's my time to turn off my brain and escape from everything else going on in my life . I now know just what people mean. It took me this long to find my workout. It has never felt like a workout. It's fun. I never thought I could wake up early in the morning to workout. Now that I'm a zumba addict I love waking up and going to class first thing. I go at least 5 days a week. I have an annual pass. I have the best time.

It's now a part of my life. I now understand the idea of making it a part of your life. It becomes part of your ritual, your day, your lifestyle. It completely has. I plan for it. I need it. Again, it never feels like work. Never feels like something I have to do.

This isn't a blog to tell you to get hooked on zumba (although of course I think everyone should give it a shot because it's so much fun) but to say that if I could go my whole life without working out, thinking I'd never have the time, I'd hate doing it...and found something that made me feel completely opposite? Then your workout is out there too. Could be a class, could be a trainer, give it all a try until you find what works for you. I thought I couldn't and it turns out I more than could. I was nervous to make the initial move just to go. Trust me, you'll be proud of yourself when you do and see how doable it is and when you've done it.

You'll be so happy you did.

Nov 19, 2010

I don't want to grow up.

By now you've noticed a recurring theme in my blog.

1.) One who has attained maturity or legal age.
2.) Biology A fully grown, mature organism.

Well shit. If that's the definition then I'm an adult.


Nov 18, 2010

Glee schmee

So I've made it no secret that I kinda sorta hate Glee and want to punch almost all of the cast members in the face. If I was in high school it would be my favorite show. But even then, I didn't want to be a drama nerd, I wanted to be an actress.

But while I don't like Glee, I love Gwyneth Paltrow. So I had to watch her episode. I watched Glee. On purpose.

I'm also a real big fan of Cee-Lo Green and artists like him. I'll go on the record right now and tell you that in my next life I want to be a large male african american recording artist. No really, even ask my sweetheart.
That's not at all weird, right?

I've heard Gwyneth sing Crusin' in "Duets". She sounded great (youtube it). Saw her sing on the CMA's and was not too crazy about the performance...or the song (never watched those on purpose before, either).

So how'd she do covering Cee-Lo? Really great. I can't get enough of both his unedited song and her clip on youtube.

Does this make me a closeted...GLEEK?!



Cee-Lo (What a killer video)

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Nov 15, 2010

Fix your face!

I'm about to get all Janice Dickinson up in here. Take it for what it's worth.

This is the first time I've ever written/talked about this. It was really hard to even think of doing so for a very long time.

I used to have some gnarly skin. As in acne. Breakouts. Zits. I didn't have a problem as a teenager, this didn't happen until recently, in my 20's. I had no idea that could happen. It can. For a long time I was really embarrassed and horrified. I kept ignoring it, covering it up with more and more makeup and pretending it was going to go away. I'd cover 'em up to go to bed. Nobody should have to live this way.

The first time someone said, "have you thought about accutane?" I was mortified. I thought, "Accutane?! But that's for people with really really bad skin. Mine's not that bad." I was in denial and hating the way it was looking on film. Reluctant to go to a photo shoot because I couldn't come makeup free. So worried about what the makeup artists would think doing my makeup, the photographers editing my pictures. You get the idea.

I tried everything you could buy over the counter and ordered proactive to no avail. Finally it hit me, I need to get my ass to the dermatologist and fix my face! Good lord, what am I waiting for? These zits are not going to cure themselves!

So that's what I did. I found a woman. I only wanted to be treated by a woman. Another gal's gonna understand what a bummer this was. And it was. SUCH a bummer. I asked if I could go on accutane. Now honestly, my skin wasn't as bad as the really severe acne you see that makes you think accutanne. I really didn't think she'd say yes. She did. We started with an antibiotic for a month just to see if that would make any difference. It didn't. So I went on accutanne.

Here's where it gets bananas. I'm a tiny person. These pills are strong as hell. One pill a day didn't cut it. Two a day didn't cut it. THREE PILLS A DAY. You don't see a change for awhile...then suddenly you realize you're skin is glowing and clear. You stay on a form of birth control throughout the treatment. You get a blood test at each appointment. You take a pregnancy test (these things are so heavy duty you can absolutely not get knocked up on them). You have to log into a special account and take a test after your Dr. does their part online before you can even get your meds.

It was the only thing that ever worked for me. Side effects can be gnarly (I'm sure you've seen the commercials) but I never had a problem. Other than dry lips, I was fine.

For a few months after I finished my treatment (seven-ish months or so) I abandoned my birth control pills and went on about my life. My acne started coming back. Back to my Dr. I went and back on the birth control and accutanne was I. She said it's so important I stay on birth control for my skin.

Again, accutane is the only thing that's ever worked.

*I guess now it's not actually called accutane, it's another form of the drug since accutane's officially off the market.

Anyway. The moral of the story is that nothing is worse than the way you feel about yourself when you've got zits. Nothing. I don't know why on gods green earth I waited so long to fix my face. Maybe I'll break out again in the future. Maybe the two rounds of treatment will be enough. I don't know. But I do know I'd do it all over again and again to keep my face clear. I have recently gotten compliments on my skin, something I never ever thought would happen. It's so amazing to me! If they only knew what it used to look like!

This brings me to my Janice Dickinson moment.
As in, I'm gonna tell you like it is and it's gonna sound harsh but I've been there and I know the industry.

I've seen so many models lately who have a pretty severe case of acne. I'm not just talking about the average joe's breakout. Granted, some are not professional model material (I'm not being rude. Just honest. I'm fully aware that at 5'7 I'd never be a real runway model in a real market). But some are gorgeous. Some are younger and taller than I am and could really go places. Fix. Your. Skin. I wish I could tell them, no not like I ever would, GET TO THE DERMATOLOGIST! What are you waiting for?! If I was a makeup artist I would not feel good about making up an acne ridden face with my brushes and makeup. You want to be on the runway? You want to do print? Editorial? Beauty? FIX YOUR FACE! It's so important in this industry. Modeling and acting. If you're gonna be on camera in any way shape or form it's simply a must. It's a requirement. Fortunately and or unfortunately you did not chose a regular job. Your face is the first thing people notice! Skin is so important! Do they not know? Are they in denial like I was? Well I can tell you that it's treatable, it will make you feel a zillion times better about yourself and you might as well control everything you can in such an unpredictable career. Take it from me, you'll be so much better off! Help is out there!!

Nov 11, 2010

Black & White

I have a problem.

I see everything in black and white. Rarely is there a gray area.
You are, you're not. You did, you didn't. You like it, you don't like it.
I don't like the "kinda's." I don't like the rare occasion when I have them.

It's the way I've always been. I like to know the answer. I like to make a plan. I like to follow through.

I have trouble when others are not as extreme as I am.
I know, I know. I'm constantly trying to get better with this.
I can't wrap my head around someone who says one thing and does another as much as why someone would...oh...I don't know...wear crocs?! ;)

I try to never ever ever ever ever live in hypocrisy. Nothing makes me feel worse. Nothing makes me feel so terribly untrue to myself and nothing makes me feel such betrayal to myself and to others.

You know the people who say "I hate her/him!" Then two seconds later they are "besties?" I mean, literally complaining, near tears because they're so mad/uncomfortable with what the person has said or did or is...but will still be nice to their face?! I've had people do me dirty. Guess what? We're not besties. Maybe there is an apology. Maybe I even accepted that. But guess what else. Never ever will I be fake. Never ever will I talk shit about you behind your back and play pretend to your face. If I don't like you, I won't lead you to believe I do in person. I won't facebook you, I won't call you, we won't hang out.

I'm not being rude, I'm being real. You dig?

It's one thing to be polite and another to mislead.

I am a very tolerant and open minded person. When it comes to hypocrites I guess I just can't deal.

My sweetheart says more people than not are bound to be this way. More people live in the gray area. They aren't as sensitive as me. I wish I wasn't as sensitive as me.

When someone does a friend of mine wrong I feel the need to defend, protect and take a side. But hardly anyone out there I know does the same. It's easier to be a dreaded people pleaser than not. I've recently learned I'm loyal to a fault.

It's not how I roll. Never have, never will. I will never understand "keep your friends close & your enemies closer", either.

The trait I always have and always will despise most is weakness.

Agree, disagree, stand up for yourself, for what and who you love, who you believe in.

Just do it with honesty. Have a little integrity.

That's all.

"There are three signs of a hypocrite: when he speaks he speaks lies, when he makes a promise he breaks it, and when he is trusted he betrays his trust."
-- Muhammad

Nov 8, 2010

Faux Paus!

Common courtesy tips of the're welcome! :)

1.) If you're 6 feet tall, don't stand in the front row of a Zumba (insert any kind of aerobics class here) class.
2.) Don't come in late to the class and then ask someone to move, try to create your own front row or stand directly in front of someone. Windows, people, WINDOWS!
3.) Don't say "I feel fat" when you're clearly NOT the fattest one in the room.
4.) Don't say "I thought you were younger/older than you are!"
Both are offensive. When you're young you want to be thought older and when you get older you want to be thought young. How 'bout a little DADT here, huh?
5.) Don't ever tell someone to "Eat a sandwich"

I see this all, happening all over, all the time. Let's knock it off already!

Nov 5, 2010

Lady of Shalott

I discovered Lady of Shalott when I lived in NYC. We used it for a speech class. Being one for words (and tragedy) it stuck with me ever since. I'm slightly obsessed.

Thanks to Amy Spencer, I was introduced to artist Natalie Shau. She posted a picture on her facebook yesterday which at first glance I thought was a gothic version of Lady of Shalott. Looking closer I realized it wasn't but it was just as lovely and haunting. Just now, looking at the artists website and facebook fan page I found that she HAD painted Lady of Shalott. To perfection. Just how I see her. And she has red hair (posted above).

Lady of Shalott
On either side the river lie
Long fields of barley and of rye,
That clothe the wold and meet the sky;
And thro' the field the road runs by
To many-tower'd Camelot;
And up and down the people go,
Gazing where the lilies blow
Round an island there below,
The island of Shalott.

Willows whiten, aspens quiver,
Little breezes dusk and shiver
Through the wave that runs for ever
By the island in the river
Flowing down to Camelot.
Four grey walls, and four grey towers,
Overlook a space of flowers,
And the silent isle imbowers
The Lady of Shalott.

By the margin, willow veil'd,
Slide the heavy barges trail'd
By slow horses; and unhail'd
The shallop flitteth silken-sail'd
Skimming down to Camelot:
But who hath seen her wave her hand?
Or at the casement seen her stand?
Or is she known in all the land,
The Lady of Shalott?

Only reapers, reaping early,
In among the bearded barley
Hear a song that echoes cheerly
From the river winding clearly;
Down to tower'd Camelot;
And by the moon the reaper weary,
Piling sheaves in uplands airy,
Listening, whispers, " 'Tis the fairy
Lady of Shalott."

There she weaves by night and day
A magic web with colours gay.
She has heard a whisper say,
A curse is on her if she stay
To look down to Camelot.
She knows not what the curse may be,
And so she weaveth steadily,
And little other care hath she,
The Lady of Shalott.

And moving through a mirror clear
That hangs before her all the year,
Shadows of the world appear.
There she sees the highway near
Winding down to Camelot;
There the river eddy whirls,
And there the surly village churls,
And the red cloaks of market girls
Pass onward from Shalott.

Sometimes a troop of damsels glad,
An abbot on an ambling pad,
Sometimes a curly shepherd lad,
Or long-hair'd page in crimson clad
Goes by to tower'd Camelot;
And sometimes through the mirror blue
The knights come riding two and two.
She hath no loyal Knight and true,
The Lady of Shalott.

But in her web she still delights
To weave the mirror's magic sights,
For often through the silent nights
A funeral, with plumes and lights
And music, went to Camelot;
Or when the Moon was overhead,
Came two young lovers lately wed.
"I am half sick of shadows," said
The Lady of Shalott.

A bow-shot from her bower-eaves,
He rode between the barley sheaves,
The sun came dazzling thro' the leaves,
And flamed upon the brazen greaves
Of bold Sir Lancelot.
A red-cross knight for ever kneel'd
To a lady in his shield,
That sparkled on the yellow field,
Beside remote Shalott.

The gemmy bridle glitter'd free,
Like to some branch of stars we see
Hung in the golden Galaxy.
The bridle bells rang merrily
As he rode down to Camelot:
And from his blazon'd baldric slung
A mighty silver bugle hung,
And as he rode his armor rung
Beside remote Shalott.

All in the blue unclouded weather
Thick-jewell'd shone the saddle-leather,
The helmet and the helmet-feather
Burn'd like one burning flame together,
As he rode down to Camelot.
As often thro' the purple night,
Below the starry clusters bright,
Some bearded meteor, burning bright,
Moves over still Shalott.

His broad clear brow in sunlight glow'd;
On burnish'd hooves his war-horse trode;
From underneath his helmet flow'd
His coal-black curls as on he rode,
As he rode down to Camelot.
From the bank and from the river
He flashed into the crystal mirror,
"Tirra lirra," by the river
Sang Sir Lancelot.

She left the web, she left the loom,
She made three paces through the room,
She saw the water-lily bloom,
She saw the helmet and the plume,
She look'd down to Camelot.
Out flew the web and floated wide;
The mirror crack'd from side to side;
"The curse is come upon me," cried
The Lady of Shalott.

In the stormy east-wind straining,
The pale yellow woods were waning,
The broad stream in his banks complaining.
Heavily the low sky raining
Over tower'd Camelot;
Down she came and found a boat
Beneath a willow left afloat,
And around about the prow she wrote
The Lady of Shalott.

And down the river's dim expanse
Like some bold seer in a trance,
Seeing all his own mischance --
With a glassy countenance
Did she look to Camelot.
And at the closing of the day
She loosed the chain, and down she lay;
The broad stream bore her far away,
The Lady of Shalott.

Lying, robed in snowy white
That loosely flew to left and right --
The leaves upon her falling light --
Thro' the noises of the night,
She floated down to Camelot:
And as the boat-head wound along
The willowy hills and fields among,
They heard her singing her last song,
The Lady of Shalott.

Heard a carol, mournful, holy,
Chanted loudly, chanted lowly,
Till her blood was frozen slowly,
And her eyes were darkened wholly,
Turn'd to tower'd Camelot.
For ere she reach'd upon the tide
The first house by the water-side,
Singing in her song she died,
The Lady of Shalott.

Under tower and balcony,
By garden-wall and gallery,
A gleaming shape she floated by,
Dead-pale between the houses high,
Silent into Camelot.
Out upon the wharfs they came,
Knight and Burgher, Lord and Dame,
And around the prow they read her name,
The Lady of Shalott.

Who is this? And what is here?
And in the lighted palace near
Died the sound of royal cheer;
And they crossed themselves for fear,
All the Knights at Camelot;
But Lancelot mused a little space
He said, "She has a lovely face;
God in his mercy lend her grace,
The Lady of Shalott."

* * * * * * * * * *

I am constantly inspired by LOS. One day when I have the time to set my poetry to music (think poe, fiona & jewel influenced) I plan to sing this. When I had just moved home from NYC the first time, so young, so lifeless and shattered, I wrote my own version of LOS.

Fairy tale...ending

Once upon a time...
in an isolated and unfeeling concrete jungle,
there lived a beautiful young maiden.
High up in her tower, stayed she...
content amidst her scripts, quill and thoughts
when one day...

the clouds parted and the sun shone down upon this place!
And apples grew and songs were sung
and into this lost land of mystery
(by metro or by stallion)
came He!
with raven hair and caramel skin
and chocolate eyes and shoulders broad.
This was the knight her heart was stolen!

And she fled her tower, dropping scripts, quill,
thoughts and more on her way down the castle steps.

But if only she had known that leaving her tower would be her doom!

As they rode together away and far...
farther...farthest...and farther still...
she realized his armor that had gleamed so brightly
from rapunzels window
was only 'round his guarded heart!

A crash was heard throughout the land,
it echoed, shattered far and wide
it was the maidens heart!

And the waters rippled from the burst
as she shut her eyes and floated away...
down the stream went she,
the cursed maiden
back through the lonely jungle...
and as she dreampt,
she dreampt she'd stayed up in her tower high
out of this knight's reach
and had kept her scripts, her quill, her thoughts
and heart

and had watched it all by mirror

* * * * *

I guess you could say Lady of Shalott is my muse :)

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Nov 4, 2010

First Kiss

Last night we went to a huge art show downtown. We were invited by a friend of my mom & aunts. She painted my pup, Noodles! We were so excited to see the painting in person and have a fun night of food and art. My sweetheart, who'd been so excited to come ended up having a film shoot, so I went with my parents. When I saw huge art show, I mean huge. Several floors, I don't even know how many artists, a ton of food and hundreds of people.

I figured I was bound to run into people I know but it never crossed my mind that I would know another artist there. Especially one who was my first kiss.

It had been a very very very long time since I'd seen him. While we are facebook friends, it's another thing to bump into each other face to face. I had to go say hello.

We ended up chatting a bit. Asking about old mutual friends, careers, significant others. He's also married, with a couple kids who are already 3 and 5. So crazy, surreal and funny.

What I took away from this was:
-How long it had been and how much older we are, though I hate to be so aware of that.
-How tastes change. While he's an attractive man, I'd never look twice at him if he passed me on the street now.
I think it was the circumstances and knowing him to be, in my young girl mind, a "big deal".
-How everything changes yet stays the same.

I ended up going into a happy nostalgic mode for the rest of the night. Coming home and telling my sweetheart all about running into my "first kiss". How it only happened once, he never really liked me. He always had other girlfriends and I pinned away for a good while. How I think of it now as somewhat cute, embarrassing (I'm pretty sure it was the worlds WORST kiss...I had absolutely no clue what I was doing and probably scared him away. In fact, I wanted to apologize!) and really not that big of a deal.

If you think about it, it's kinda cool I got to kiss what was my "dream boy" at the time. Even if it was a terrible kiss?

What's your first kiss story?

As far as the rest of the art show, by the time we came back around to see Noodles painting on our way out, (we had only been there an hour and a half) he was gone! Sold! Someone said he reminded them of their dog and bought it! Ha ha ha! My pup is so famous. He's on someone's living room wall today. I'm such a proud mama!



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Nov 3, 2010

Born in the 80's, child of the 90's

I'm always surprised when I meet people born in the early/mid 80's that claim to identify with the 80's. The movies, the music, the clothes, etc. I was born then and I can tell you for a fact, I was simply too little to remember. I wasn't watching all the now infamous John Cusack and Molly Ringwald movies. In fact, I still haven't seen them. I was watching sesame street and playing with barbies through most of the 80's. You'd have to be a pre-teen/teenager to have truly been impacted by 80's pop culture.

I consider myself a child of the 90's. That's what I remember. Watching the Super Mario Brothers cartoon in the afternoon. Friday was Zelda day, and I've got almost every Zelda episode on VHS. No VCR to play them on, but that is like gold to me!

Growing up a little more and starting to take notice of clothes and music. Nirvana still gets me on the radio.

I must say I secretly dig it when there's a surge of grunge influenced style again.

Doc Martens. Ohhhhh Doc Martens.
I had the coolest pink suede pair you've ever seen in your life. In fact, I think they're still in storage. I need to find them.

Clueless. Now that's a movie to be remembered as a young, impressionable girl. That movie made me quit the Doc's for heels. Heels I secretly bought and hid and wasn't even allowed to wear yet.

I can remember certain classes at school, my wardrobe, my friends, the boys I it was yesterday.

Ahhhhh the 90's. I will always think of them fondly! :)

Nov 1, 2010

I'm not your woman!


What do you like to be called? I've learned I have a strong response to what I am referred to: woman, chick, lady, girl, female, ma'am. Each one is a VERY different response.

There are SO many customer service people (guys) out there who mistakenly think that they should be calling all ladies they help at the store ma'am. Note to you: Do NOT call anyone ma'am who looks like they could be under the age of, oh I dunno...SIXTY! When in doubt?! DON'T!

I don't like to be referred to as a female unless it's on a form to identify my sex. It's so clinical. Or in the way the rap guys do it in their lyrics. It just makes me think of a dog/cat.

I don't like to be called woman unless my husband says it. It sounds old. But when he says it, it sounds hot.

I will take lady if it's coming from another lady. It sounds girlie and fun. Coming from a dude it sounds like you're referring to Betty White.

I prefer chick and girl.

Girl / Boy is what we're raised with and used to and sticks.
Sturdy. Black and white. Accepted and learned since day one.

But for me, Chick is safe and my favorite. Girl or guy can use it. It's all encompassing while not offending. And cute.

I know other ladies will vary in what they like to be called. I think many will disagree with what I feel about woman & chick. But this is what I dig and I'm sticking to it! :)