Apr 24, 2010


I just met one of my BFF's new baby boy! He is gorgeous. One week old, tomorrow. So crazy to see a close friend as a mom now. She went through a lot for him to be here, I am blown away and still trying to fathom it all. She's a superhero...and he's absolute perfection.

Apr 23, 2010

The Acting / Modeling Blog

I get asked for advice. A lot. I tend to stay vague, simple. There are very, very few with whom I discuss my true feelings and thoughts on a precious subject.

I live in Salt Lake City. There IS a professional scene here in town, but it is small. Very small. Obviously. On one hand, the NYC scene seemed small to me too. I began seeing the same people at auditions, but Salt Lake is it's own thing.

Let's talk theatre. I know actors who say it's too hard to have their equity card here, that there is no work. Others have asked if I think they should work towards getting theirs. Because we live where we live, this is a very individual thing. Taking my equity card, knock on wood, has been the best move I could have made. I have done at least two plays a year since and had great insurance that made very expensive prescription affordable when I needed it. I like being a professional. I like being taken seriously. I like working on a different level. To those wondering if they should, I'd say work at every professional theatre in town first. Make sure you know you can get cast there. If you are a straight actor as well as a musical theatre performer your chances at working more are much better. There is so much more opportunity to work professionally as a straight actor in this town, but we have more musical folks. Make sure you get roles first. Actual leading roles. No need to take your card if you're always chorus. You just won't work.

Training. Okay, this is touchy. I don't want to offend anyone, so I'm not sure how to say this. I trained and graduated in NYC. It was absolutely invaluable. I couldn't have come this far without it. Too many people in this town do not train. In my experience, and I've been doing this a long time, it is a VERY VERY VERY rare person who does not need to train. A workshop through a local agency is NOT sufficient. I'm not even going to comment on what I think of some of Utah's local BFA programs. This is why I stay out of conversations on acting, technique, etc. with most of my fellow actors. I'm over that part of it, at least for now. I lived that in NYC for years, and day in and day out that was ALL any of us could talk about. Now I'm more interested in who actors are if they AREN'T talking about acting. I feel what I've learned is from another world, and I'm on my own here that way. As I think back on the performances that blew me away, that forever changed me and made me want to do this in the first place, they were by polished, trained performers. Down the road I believe that the best form of training is doing it, but formal training is the starting point.

Now let's talk film and modeling. I have the best agents in SLC. Do I work a lot? Not a lot as it's not LA. Have I booked jobs? Yes. Is it worth having representation? Yes. What blows my mind is how many "actors" I come across who think they don't need representation, who think they can do it all on their own. I guess it's one thing if this is your hobby, not your career and it's worth your time to go out with a group of "filmmakers" and collaboratively shoot your student film. If you don't want to make any money or work professionally, then by all means knock yourselves out. But it's just playing pretend. It's not serious. Look at it this way, don't you at least want to get sent on auditions that you wouldn't know about otherwise? Isn't opportunity what we're all looking for?

Modeling here is nuts. Any and every girl seems to call herself a model because they've got a Model Mayhem page and have done a few TFCD shoots. That's great to build up your portfolio...and hell, I'll still shoot an occasional TFCD if the photographer is great and can offer me something I've yet to do, but please. There are "models" in this town who, I'm going to say it, don't look anything like models. Try your hand at the biz anywhere else? A big city? You'd be in for a rude awakening. I am surprised to see how many people there are playing "pretend". Doing shoots, uploading mediocre photo after mediocre photo, from mediocre photographer after mediocre photographer. I guess if it's all in good fun and again, a hobby, it's okay. But there are people I've come across that take it all WAY to seriously.

Again, "filmmakers" who don't have a reel to show you?! Who talk a big game but don't have a script for you to read. Who have learned a few lines from their Acting 101 manual that they can toss you to "entice" you.

There are so many bogus agencies here, and the fact that they're in business and suckers keep on falling for it BLOW MY MIND!

It's hard to have tolerance, patience.

I have decided to become even more selective with who I work with and the connections I make. I work too hard, I've built to much to let others share in it who don't deserve it.

I'm not trying to be a bitch, just smart. Professional. An adult.

One persons opinion. You know how it is, "one persons opinion" is what we tell ourselves in this business each time we don't agree with something. :) We are all narcissistic (yes, we are or why would we chose this path?) we all think we're right.

So there you have it, folks. My personal opinion.
A personal opinion from someone who does this as a career...not a hobby.

xo Deena Marie

Apr 20, 2010

Spring Cleaning

So I've deleted my myspace page. RIP myspace. Over 5 K friends no more. There was just no point. I don't use it, I don't communicate with anyone there like I do on facebook, twitter, youtube, etc. I didn't like that there was a site floating around with a bunch of my stuff on it that I wasn't regularly checking and monitoring. Feels good to have one less website to worry about!

Spring cleaning. I've also started a massive undertaking of cleaning out my closet and REALLY trying this time to get rid of things I've had for years and don't wear. I mean YEARS. I feel like I'll want it as soon as I throw it out but let's face it, some of this is in just plain poor condition. Plus at the rate I shop I need to make room. I smell an ebay sale for the special pieces I'm about to part with!

Thank god it's finally spring. This was the longest winter of my life. I need summer, I need warmth and sun!

What else can I clear out and or make room for this spring?

What about the spring cleaning of people and connections?

There are some people, I've learned I need to be more careful with. I can't loose energy over one sided friendships. I can't give if I rarely receive. Just like I can't seek people out to work together if they're not as confident and excited as I am from the get go. People who condescend or give only backhanded compliments are NOT worth a second thought. They also no longer phases me, I just feel embarrassed me FOR them. I'm also learning to forgive and move forward with other people. It feels good to "grow up". :)

xo Deena Marie

Apr 14, 2010

Things that don't happen everyday...

I got asked to model for a pinup magazine...
and to be the centerfold!

Do you want one? http://www.sundayslacker.com
Find Sunday Slacker on twitter and facebook

It was FREEZING the day we shot but so much fun!
The car was a 1932 black roadster w/red interior...isn't she beautiful?

Photographer: Terry Cullop
Hair/MUA: Denise Christensen
Dress is from www.pinupgirlclothing.com

I just got my copies in the mail today! So rad!

Apr 13, 2010

April 13, 2010 Day of Love!

Happy anniversary to my sweetheart!
To the love of my life, the one who changed my life.
It only gets better and better and better,
every day I have with you!

Apr 12, 2010

Suffering from nostalgia...

NOSTALGIA: The term nostalgia describes a yearning for the past, often in idealized form.[1] The word is a learned formation of a Greek compounds, consisting of νόστος, nóstos, "returning home", a Homeric word, and ἄλγος, álgos, "pain" or "ache". It was described as a medical condition, a form of melancholy, in the Early Modern period, and came to be an important topic in Romanticism.[1]

In common, less clinical usage, nostalgia sometimes includes a general interest in past eras and their personalities and events, especially the "good old days" of a few generations back recast in an idyllic light, such as the Belle Époque, Merry England, Neo-Victorian aesthetics, the US "Antebellum" Old South, etc. Sometimes it is brought on by a sudden image, or remembrance of something from one's childhood.

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I don't let a lot of people in to my world, and I don't often expose my truest self as I am a fiercely private, guarded person. Writing is therapeutic for me. I need to do it, and I like to blog...but always find myself going back and forth between how much or how little to express.

The definition above rings true. Especially the medical condition, pain and ache part.

I am only in my twenties and I feel like I've had so many lifetimes. Sometimes I think back on all of the places I lived, people I was and I cannot even believe it was me. I have the best life now. The best best best best dream life. I grew up to be what I wanted to be. I have the best man in the world. I live in a beautiful house. I do exactly what I wanted to do for a living. The past life versions of me would never have believed it. They wanted it, but who really and truly gets what they want? And I wonder, would I have been different if I knew that there wouldn't be anything to worry about? What if I could have told my younger self exactly how this would unfold...who to meet and who to avoid? The thing is...I love that I went through some tough things. I LOVE it. I love that I've had my heart absolutely shattered by people, by places. I love that it made me churn out dozens and dozens of poems that to this day when I read them I'm still impressed that they came out of me. http://deenamariepoetry.blogspot.com/

Problem, if that's what it is, is that I haven't written like that in years. I could only write when I was heartbroken. When I thought I'd never survive my devastation. Not that I want to change a thing about my life right now, no. I think I'm just a little bit of a masochist. Always have been and always will be.

For an artist there's a beauty in despair. I admit it. There are days when I kind of miss that feeling. and I would give anything...anything to relieve a day in my life. I would pick a day when I lived in NYC. When I was brand new, impressionable and not even yet Deena Marie. I want to remember what it feels like to be so shattered that you produce this:

Here's to wine
Here's to roses
Here's to restaurant bathrooms
and the same green sheets
Here's to my sexy mistake
of fucking you to all of my favorite cd's
Here's to cocktails, red wine, couches and cooking
Here's to a late alarm ~ again
and sleeping 'til two ~ thanks
Here's to a hanging chinese lantern
green means calm
and aries means pyro
here's to the poems I can't stop writing about you
here's to a lounge, to a stairwell, to a corridor, to a street
every song is a soundtrack of you
and when I cant come without seeing your face
then here's to the house of yes
so what if you never screamed my name
I never said I love you ~ don't forget
so you be him and I'll be her
in every drop of alcohol there's poison
and every thorn pricks hard

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it's hurting.
life's hurting me again.
i'm being pierced in the guts
with a memory. again.
of a past life
my present life
that was just lived,
just a moment ago
but feels like it never was.
i can't breathe.
my stomach's twisting into itself again.
there's such a thing as a parallel universe
because i've seen it.
because i've lived it.
i know a boy who sits in his apartment
just like i do
on a horrible schedule he passed on to me.
too afraid of the world to fall asleep in it,
and too overwhelmed by life to wake up early.
procrastinate through the hours
so muddy. so slow. so thick.
memorizing lines.
feel worthwhile
spend your time creatively
live an artists life.

but the tv is still on
and i'm still awake

it's a two hour difference
but our minds are still in tune.
not to each other but to this life.

i accidentally brought it back

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I wonder if I remember things accurately or if in fact I idealize my precious memories. Maybe I now remember them differently and they represent something that isn't in fact the truth. I don't know.

I know I am forever lost to romanticism. I romanticize everything around me. I am so sensitive to what is around me that at moments all I want is to take a leave of absence from me.

I once had my ora read. My strongest color was one in the rarest percentile. She said it must be "hard for me to exist in this plane". Boy, you can say that again.

Anyway... sometimes I literally suffer from my NYC nostalgia. It hurst. It pains and it aches.

Today just happens to be one of those days.

I've been listening to this song over and over (and no, I don't care to explain)

I'd like to leave it at that, but because there are all kinds of people and friends who read this and follow me online I have to make sure you know I'm still a very happy person and this is not new information.

There is also the type of artist who self sabotages for this very reason and clearly I know better.

If you look a few blogs back you'll see the one about coming across old diaries. I think it's nearing the time to start posting those excerpts I promised.

So. Since I can't go back in time for my 24 hour wish, the closest I can get is to occasionally give in to my nostalgia...

Deena Marie

Apr 5, 2010

The latest

I am having a rare free day. A lazy, wasted day on purpose! I haven't had a day off in a long time. Not my birthday, not Easter, not weekends. I'm purposely not doing a thing today. I slept in until 11:00 AM and I'm proud to announce I'm still laying in bed in my pajamas.

We open "Amerigo" this week! Preview on wednesday, opening on thursday. I couldn't love this one more. It's been a couple of years since I've been this in love with a role / play. It's absolutely stunning. We only have two weeks of performances and it's selling out already. Here is a video with the cast, playwright and director to give you an idea of what it's about and the ticket info is at the end. Don't miss it. Seriously...DON'T.


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March 31, April 1 and April 2 I was asked to fill in for feature reporter Casey Scott on KUTV2 News Morning Show. Fridays show was already planned but I had to come up with the ideas for the first two mornings. It was rough to be up at 4:00 AM for the 6-8 AM show, but so worth it. I loved every minute of it. Take a look at the news clips...

3/31 Roller Derby Girls at Hollywood Connection

4/1 Designer, photographer & Project Runway contestant Keith Bryce

4/2 Canyon Hobbies

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What do you dream about? Do you dream every night? Do you remember your dreams? I have the variations of the same dreams all the time. It's crazy. How many times can I have these recurring dreams? What does that mean?