Sep 25, 2011

My New York Diaries - Part 26

I'm in the process of writing my story of when I was living in NYC studying acting. There's a lot to my story and for many years it's been so private and special it was hard to even talk about. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times :) If you're just tuning in, I suggest you start at Part I for it to make sense. All links in order at the bottom of this blog entry. I promise it's a juicy read. These entries often include actual journal entries from that time in my life. I'm so grateful I documented so much! Once I finish here, I hope to expand into a book. I'm posting these frequently but they'll also be interspersed with real time blogs :) Thanks for reading & supporting!

*All names are changed

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I got my first tattoo over that christmas break back in SLC. It was on a total whim. I was headed over to see my aunt Lydia and almost as soon as I walked in the door she said, "let's get a tattoo!" I had been in tattoo shops before to get an idea of what I might want someday if I were to get one, and I'd seen Rachel get tattooed. I said yes, I'd do it. Lydia showed me a package of fake tattoos she'd bought and showed me a fairy sitting on a crescent moon. She said she was thinking about getting that design. I thought it was really pretty and so we decided to get matching tattoos. She would get hers on her ankle, I'd get mine on my left shoulder blade. I figured that was a safe spot for an actress, not too visible. We went to the place I'd been before and talked to Rachels artist. He was able to get us in that afternoon. I was getting scared but I was excited. She gave me half a pain pill. I watched as Lydia was tattooed first. I wanted to make sure she lived through it. She could hardly talk, she said it hurt so much. Uh oh. But when my turn came, I loved every minute of it. It might have been that half a pill but it didn't hurt, and I'm smiling or laughing in every photo she took of me getting tattooed. I was so proud of that tattoo and so happy with it. A first tattoo is a right of passage, I was feeling very grown up. I couldn't wait to show it off to just about every one I knew.

I also got a new hair color when I was home. We took out the black and lightened it up to brown with blonde streaks and gave me bangs. My hair had grown out to past my shoulders from that first short cut I'd done when I'd moved. I had a new winter coat and clothes from Christmas, I felt like a whole new woman. I was excited to show it all off as I headed home to NYC.

When I got back home and back to school, we found out what our big end of year and end of the program play would be. It was "Balm in Gilead" by Lanford Wilson and directed by one of my favorite teachers, Tucker. I read it and my heart was instantly set on the lead, Darlene.

Jan 19

"...Tomorrow and monday is the showcase. "Leaving Las Vegas". I feel pretty good about it, I just gotta find a costume. I'm having fun at school right now. I'm excited about it for once, again. It's so true that you don't realize you are in your prime or having the time of your life when you actually are. This is more fun than "Museum". "Museum" didn't feel like much to me. I can't stop thinking about "Balm in Gilead". I'm going to get that role or die trying. God, I wan't that role so bad. I really don't know who can pull it off the way I know I could. And Tucker is directing. I want to know now, right now, if I can just be Darlene! Anyway...tuesday I'm going back to Utah. Julie's mom gave me a $50 roundtrip buddy pass. I planned this at a time when I thought my world was crashing down upon me, which it seems to do from time to time. But then it always picks up again. Let me back up. I arrive in NYC once again. And once again The Guy calls immediately and saves me. Thank god he does this, I think, or I'd go mad. Anyway, he'd called the night before as well, when I had been roller skating with Julie, Jack and the Old Flame. So we planned to see each other the next night. So I'm in the cab and he calls twice. It's taking me forever to get home, I'm still in desperate need of showering and he's like two blocks from my apartment. But he waits. I'm on my way over to [store in times square where we were meeting]. I spot him down by the magazines, moment of truth, and nothing is out of place for me! It's all if I really didn't know. He's in a black coat, scarf, and oh lord, a fedora. We end up at a very nice bar by [another bar Jenny used to work at]. Eventually Sean and Lynn come. The Old Flame calls at some point but I don't remember what was said. It feels like another world now. We go to [another bar] and Ty comes, but I'm oblivious to all that isn't The Guy. We're at another place. We're all wrapped up in each other. Ty and Lynne leave, then awhile later so do we...

...we go into the [The Guys] apartment he says he hopes they're not up. We walk in, I get there first and say. "They're up!" He comes straight for me and bulldozes me right into the bedroom... day is New Years Eve. I go home, unpack, lounge and get ready to meet Sean, his friend and Jenny at [the new bar Jenny is working at]. It kinda blows. I talk to the Old Flame at midnight but once again I don't really know what's said, or care, really. We go up to Lynne's bar. We meet up with Charles, his friend from out of town and another guy from school. Anyway. The Guy finally gets there [having been at work] at like 2:00. He comes in carrying a big bunch of balloons from his restaurant for me. Some drunk man runs up and steals one. The Guy tells me to go pop it with a cigarette, but I don't. I tie down the balloons, I'm dancing all over the place, some older guy touches my ass, I freak out. Lynne's friend yells at him, so he gives her $20 [?!?!] We have fun. Not the New York New Years of my dreams by a long shot, but as long as I'm with The Guy that's what counts. So The Guy ends up drunker than I've ever seen him. Everyone leaves, we're in the back room and he's Mr. Broadway song and dance man, making up lyrics and singing about the black mans oppression. Ty sits by the fireplace on the phone with an ex girlfriend for half an hour. Lynne is not a happy camper. The Guy is going to be sick. He gets up and can't walk straight to the bathroom. We need to leave. So we're going back to Brooklyn, having fun, putting on glitter and talking about our "stage names" for our "band"...

...we sleep well into the next day. He finally gets up, leaving me with "Star Wars" thinking I'll get up faster that way. To defy him I stay and watch almost an hour of the damn thing, thinking he's showering and getting ready. he finally comes in and he's been sitting around and doesn't believe I've really been awake, watching it. So we get up and hang out with Ty and watch tv and laugh at Cirque du Soleil. Then we all go out to eat japanese food, meeting up with Sean and his friend. After they leave and Ty gets a head start home, we try to go to a movie but everything has started. We go to [store], he wants to buy a dvd. He goes something that I know right away I'll have no interest in. So then it's kinda assumed I'm going back home with him again for the third night in a row. Ty has friends coming in the next day and he was saying they needed to clean, but I still go."

What do they say about too much of a good thing? I was about to find out that a three consecutive nights was not going to be such a good idea.

Part 1:
Part 2:
Part 3:
Part 4:
Part 5:
Part 6:
Part 7:
Part 8:
Time to Press Pause:
Part 9:
Part 10:
Part 11:
Part 12:
Part 13 (with an extra shot)
Part 14:
Part 15:
Part 16:
Part 17:
Part 18 (September 11th)
Part 19:
Part 20:
Part 21:
Part 22:
Part 23:
Part 24:
Part 25:

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