I'm in the process of writing my story of when I was living in NYC studying acting. There's a lot to my story and for many years it's been so private and special it was hard to even talk about. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times :) If you're just tuning in, I suggest you start at Part I for it to make sense. All links in order at the bottom of this blog entry. I promise it's a juicy read. These entries often include actual journal entries from that time in my life. I'm so grateful I documented so much! Once I finish here, I hope to expand into a book. I'm posting these frequently but they'll also be interspersed with real time blogs :) Thanks for reading & supporting!
*All names are changed
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That kiss. What in the world? How had I just allowed that to happen? I'd just run into the Old Flame again. This was night one! My only goal had been to hear his apology and flaunt my new New York life in front of him. It wasn't my intention to kiss him. Was I really stirring things up to protect myself from being hurt by The Guy? Was I really so scared of him behaving this way that I wanted to beat him to it? Or did I just like the drama? Why hadn't I listened to Jack and stayed away from the cookies? Ugh.
"We kissed. Not for very long, but a really real kiss. We ended up falling asleep up there. He put his arm around me and we went to sleep. In the morning I crept out of there. Benny was downstairs and his boyfriend was on his way to get us. Benny seemed kind of weirded out about me kissing the Old Flame, let alone falling asleep with him. So I left the Old Flame my number and said thanks, all on an envelope, and left. I felt a little...I don't know the word but now the Old Flame really had a lot to prove to me. He needed to call me asap. I wanted him to show me just how new and improved he was. And sure enough he left me a message, wanting to make sure I was okay and wanting to see what I'd be up to that night. He wanted me to call Adams. So I did. I talked to Adam and didn't ask for the Old Flame. I said I'd call again later and then [when I called again] left a message saying I was too sick from the night before, but for the Old Flame to give me a call. So Christmas Eve he calls and invites me to their Christmas party the next night. So tuesdays party turned into hanging out wednesday, thursday, friday and saturday. We hung out at Adams, with Julie, at Jacks, with his brother, went to movies, watched movies at my moms, had dinner, went to a bar, went roller skating. So much happened in that time. The Old Flame, I think, fell in love with me. He told Jack, and me, so many things my mind is just blown. He said when we kissed, "everything just stopped, and I really missed her." He was telling people how we'd been high school sweethearts. How we were "boyfriend / girlfriend" once. He told me on the way home from [one of the movies we went to] how he was just crazy about me. How he thought I was so amazing. For so many things, for my beauty, who I am, "thank you for being who you are." How he always had fun with me and felt comfortable with me. And something about how that's why none of his relationships worked out after me. He asked if he could still chase me. He was so honest. He was so real, so awkward. He just is who he is."
I couldn't believe I'd gotten myself involved in all this. Of course I liked the attention. Of course I liked knowing that there were other guys, and not just anyone but a someone who meant something to me, interested. Here was someone else, saying all the right things. But I couldn't help wish I was hearing these things from The Guy.
Who was the right choice?
What a whirlwind two weeks. I couldn't believe all that had happened in that short amount of time. I had a blast seeing family, old friends and the Old Flame. The only part that wasn't a blast was being so sick after that night at Adams that thinking back on it now still makes my stomach turn.
What would all of this mean now? What would it be like to return home and see The Guy?
And do I tell him everything about my Christmas vacation?
Part 1: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/new-york-state-of-mind.html
Part 2: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/new-york-state-of-mind-part-ii.html
Part 3: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-3.html
Part 4: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-4.html
Part 5: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-5.html
Part 6: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-6.html
Part 7: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/im-in-process-of-writing-my-story-of.html
Part 8: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-8.html
Time to Press Pause: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/time-to-press-pause.html
Part 9: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-9.html
Part 10: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-10.html
Part 11: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-11.html
Part 12: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-par-12.html
Part 13 (with an extra shot) http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/07/my-new-york-diaries-part-13-with-extra.html
Part 14: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/07/my-new-york-diaries-part-14.html
Part 15: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-new-york-diaries-part-15.html
Part 16: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/im-in-process-of-writing-my-story-of.html
Part 17: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/im-in-process-of-writing-my-story-of_10.html
Part 18 (September 11th) http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-new-york-diaries-part-18-september.html
Part 19: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-new-york-diaries-part-19.html
Part 20: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-new-york-diaries-part-20.html
Part 21: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-new-york-diaries-part-21.html
Part 22: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/im-in-process-of-writing-my-story-of_20.html
Part 23: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-new-york-diaries-part-23.html
Part 24: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-new-york-diaries-part-24.html
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