I'm in the process of writing my story of when I was living in NYC studying acting. There's a lot to my story and for many years it's been so private and special it was hard to even talk about. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times :) If you're just tuning in, I suggest you start at Part I for it to make sense. All links in order at the bottom of this blog entry. I promise it's a juicy read. These entries often include actual journal entries from that time in my life. I'm so grateful I documented so much! Once I finish here, I hope to expand into a book. I'm posting these frequently but they'll also be interspersed with real time blogs :) Thanks for reading & supporting!
*All names are changed
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"Well, last night was my birthday party. Last night was my first night out with The Guy. This isn't sounding like how I wanted it to. Maybe I shouldn't write just yet. I need to just listen to my music and think. Rewind and replay. He's courteous. He's gentlemanly. He's so incredibly beautiful. I forget what it's like to wake up next to someone. I could get used to that. I'm so scared. So terrified out of my mind yet I want to make an effort with him. I want to call him right now so bad my heart hurts. And that's what's scariest of all."
"One week since that delicious party. Well, I hadn't talked to Jenny since the night before I left for spring break...
[during spring break The Guy called wanting to get together, not realizing I was out of town. I couldn't believe the timing. It was also a strange time for me to be home. I'll elaborate more on this in the book but things had changed at home and this was the first time in my life I returned "home", but not to my childhood house. A lot was changing in my life. In my parallel lives, you could say. It was all at once. It was strange for me but I pushed my feelings aside, wanting to quickly return to NYC]
...so before my party we planned to meet at 8 at Java Shop. Flash back to a few days earlier making fliers in The Lounge, The Guy seeing them and inviting himself. So as I'm walking into Java, I check my messages...The Guy's trying to pass time until 10. So he meets us. He buys my drinks.
[I learn that his ex had moved to NYC with him from Louisiana]
We got to the Mars Bar. Me, The Guy, Jenny, her new boyfriend, the boy that had the party with goldschlager, Bobby, Oscar and his new girlfriend, Mark, Lynne and more. Martha showing up with a bouquet of flowers. Such great vibes. I was in all my birthday glory. Best birthday in a long time. Beats slumber parties. The Guy buys me food and drinks, and my friends buy me food and drinks and I'm told I'm not allowed to pay for a thing. I get a free mudslide on the bartender.
[It's amazing that I was almost never carded, and not on this night. We told everyone that I was turning 21, rather than 20 and nobody ever asked for proof!]
Then we move to St. James Place. Crazy, crazy night. Each place was an adventure in itself. Lots of dancing going on and I get The Guy to dance with me. A big deal for someone who "doesn't dance". Here, he asks me if I remember stairwells. If I ever think about them. Does he? Yes. Frequently? Yes. The bartender gives me a free birthday shot. The Guy gets me a midori sour on his own, remembering it's my favorite, although earlier swaying me to drink a long island iced tea. Then there were some men, one in a sparkly black dress, not like a drag queen but god knows why. And they want to take a picture with me, so I do. Mistake. Then they come back wanting to take a picture of me kissing the dress boy. Uh, no. Then there's the third place. The sexy greek place. By this time it's only me, The Guy, Jenny and her boyfriend, Oscar, one more guy friend and Martha. Sexy, sexy place. Me dancing up there with Jenny. Oscar and Jenny's boyfriend told by The Guy that he likes it better sitting down so he can watch me. Flashback of earlier in the night when he tells me seeing me dance was just one more thing to intimidate him. Even earlier flashback, he says he almost chickens out of coming to my party, and telling himself to "just call her!" But I got him up and we danced together. Since the last bar, lots of smooching...
...this time I'm able to take him up on his offer of going home with him...
...we fall asleep. The alarm goes off two and a half hours later but we don't get up. He puts his arm around me tightly, kissing my shoulder...I wake up all through the morning, knowing he needs to be at a rehearsal but I'm in a haze. I have to keep looking at him. I can't believe he's really there. It's The Guy. Making sure he doesn't disappear. Eventually we're forced to get up. He's two hours late. Shit. Then all day I wonder if going home with him was right. And I know I'm okay when I see him later at school. And then almost every day after at school..."
Part 1: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/new-york-state-of-mind.html
Part 2: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/new-york-state-of-mind-part-ii.html
Part 3: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-3.html
Part 4: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-4.html
Part 5: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-5.html
Part 6: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-6.html
Part 7: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/im-in-process-of-writing-my-story-of.html
Part 8: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-8.html
Time to Press Pause: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/time-to-press-pause.html
Part 9: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-9.html