I'm in the process of writing my story of when I was living in NYC studying acting. There's a lot to my story and for many years it's been so private and special it was hard to even talk about. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times :) If you're just tuning in, I suggest you start at Part I for it to make sense. All links in order at the bottom of this blog entry. I promise it's a juicy read. These entries often include actual journal entries from that time in my life. I'm so grateful I documented so much! Once I finish here, I hope to expand into a book. I'm posting these frequently but they'll also be interspersed with real time blogs :) Thanks for reading & supporting!
*All names are changed
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I chopped my hair off and dyed it dark. I'd had short haircuts before but more often than not my hair was long. I wanted a new look for my new life and a girl in my class gave me the name of the hairdresser and salon she went to, explaining to me here in NYC you tip each person separately. Hair washer, hair stylist, etc. I pretended to know what I was doing but I probably didn't do it right...or in the appropriate amounts. Three hundred dollars later I had the most expensive haircut I'd ever had up to that point and a new look.
I saw Ben Stiller filming a movie.
One night I went to the village to meet some friends. Walking to the bar, I passed Ben Stiller who was in the middle of shooting and was surprised at how tiny but how handsome he looked in person, right there a foot away from me. After some drama at the door about me "forgetting" my ID (which only happened occasionally) I was able to get into a fabulous bar. Later on when I got to the subway to head all the way back to The Bronx I was exhausted and drunk and laid down for the long ride home. A cop appeared out of nowhere and told me to sit up, sleeping in the subway was not allowed. If I remember correctly, I think I gave him a little attitude. I was starting to feel like a real new yorker! :)
I spent my first major holiday away from my family. I spent it with Jenny and Oscar. We met early on Thanksgiving morning for breakfast and watched part of the Macy's Parade. It was freezing. We couldn't stay outside for long. Jenny had a white coat that bundled her completely from head to toe. We all laughed about it then but now I will be the first one to tell you that sacrificing fashion for warmth in NYC during winter is well worth it.
I think Jenny cooked for us and we had a lot of wine. We ended up back at my place in The Bronx where we watched a movie and consumed more wine.
This would be the beginning of a tradition for the three of us. The "holiday kids", we later called ourselves and would spend every holiday together from then on.
It was hard for me not to be with my family for the first time but I wouldn't trade the memory of freezing my ass off and laying on my uncomfortable deflated air mattress watching my tiny tv screen with them for the world now.
Sometimes you don't realize the magic of the moment until later, when it becomes something sacred.
In The Lounge one day, Ben (who'd first told me that The Guy was taken) came in and made a beeline for where I was sitting and looking back and forth between me and Martha he said, "Which one of you is it that likes The Guy, again?" I exclaimed, "me!" He said, "well he just broke up with his girlfriend". Oh. My. God. The Guy was now available.
Bobby laughed at me over my pining away for The Guy, telling me the way I was describing him he'd "expected an adonis" and was surprised when I had finally pointed him out.
I'm sure Bobby expected someone like himself (a type often seen around Chelsea). Tan, bulging biceps and designer jeans. No, that was not The Guy.
The Guy was a combination of a young Robert Downey Jr and Johnny Depp with maybe a drop of Chris Noth. I say young, because he was, very young. Back then, he was 23 years old. But it was older than me, he was in his final year of school and to teenage me, it all seemed very grown up. Yes I thought he was terribly handsome, but there was just something about him. I was completely drawn to him.
One night soon after there was another showcase of scenes from other classes. I was going to get to see The Guy perform for the first time. I can still remember what I was wearing. It was the night I was going to have to introduce myself and I'd gone over it and stressed about it a zillion times over the last couple of months. I'd often thought I was going to do and would chicken out. It was now or never.
He did a scene from "Scarface" and I only know this because I wrote it in my journal. I honestly don't remember the performance. I do remember walking up to him after, where he was standing with a group of guys. Great, can we make this any more intimidating? But I did it! I introduced myself and told him he did a great job. I don't know if I said anything else or what he said in return but that was that.
I remember walking home and calling my mom to tell her every word exchanged and how scary it was and how proud of myself I was for finally doing it. I'm sure it was a lengthy phone call where I wanted everything analyzed and then analyzed again. Oh the analyzing and agonizing. It's just what young girls do.
Okay, so there'd finally been contact with The Guy! But now what?
Well there would be a party in the NYU dorms that would change everything.
I remember meeting up with a group of people in the lobby, including Lisa and Tony from the ATC office who knew about my crush (I think I'd told just about everyone by this point) and were bursting with excitement to tell me that The Guy was upstairs at the party! Oh my god. I told them this was it, they had to help me hook this up. I was in a black skirt and a fabulous black sweater that I lost in one of my many moves. What was this pattern of losing my favorite sweaters in NYC? It was basically backless, held together by thin tie. I wish I had it now, I'd never been able to find anything else like it. I was feeling confident, determined this was going to be my night, and ready to go upstairs to the party.
"Last night I was with The Guy. The Guy! They Guy! They Guy I saw on the first day of school, before school even started and who I haven't been able to take my eyes off since. The ATC party in the NYU dorms...The Guy standing out, so apart from the crowd. Black turtleneck, black leather jacket, glasses with tinted yellow frames. Ben, Lisa and Tony all passing messages. The Guy finally coming over. "
*I should interject here, we were all drinking and I was in balls out mode that night. When he came over it was as if he was meeting me for the first time. What the hell? I was in no mood to go over all this again. I'd been patient long enough. "I've met you before" was one of the first things out of my mouth and I again, gave a little attitude. I don't think he remembered. I should also mention that he was there with a date, a girl named Theresa from another class. You wouldn't have known it. They were hardly hanging out together. Date or not, remembering me or not, that night he stayed talking to me and paid me a great deal of attention.
...someone at some point telling us to kiss. The Guy grabbing my head and kissing me. Me telling him I want to kiss him again. Us kissing again. Him telling me to follow him. Me knowing what that meant. I followed him into a room that was 'no good', then us finally finding the stairwell for what felt like a long, long time...
...telling me I was so beautiful. So firey. How I reminded him of fire. Like something you know you shouldn't do, but do anyway. How firey was a very good thing."
We had planned to leave the party together, when Theresa had a freak out. The two of them ended up in the stairwell, talking it out and she was crying. I was waiting and it was taking forever. Finally I poked my head in. He came out and said he'd have to take a raincheck, "definitely a raincheck" (I do want to say that with youth often comes a carelessness of other peoples feelings. I am fully aware now that I, well both of us, disrespected Theresa that night).
Holy shit. Did all of that really just happen?!
It was a good thing...right? Was it good? Was it bad? What in the world was it going to be like at school tomorrow?
"Something you know you shouldn't do, but do anyway" was running through my mind.
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The diary I was keeping at the time had quotes in it. On this particular entry the quote was:
"You were once wild here. Don't let them tame you!"
Part 1: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/new-york-state-of-mind.html
Part 2: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/new-york-state-of-mind-part-ii.html
Part 3: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-3.html
Part 4: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-4.html
Part 5: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-5.html