Jun 10, 2011

My New York Diaries - Part 5

I'm in the process of writing my story of when I was living in NYC studying acting. There's a lot to my story and for many years it's been so private and special it was hard to even talk about. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times :) If you're just tuning in, I suggest you start at Part I for it to make sense. All links in order at the bottom of this blog entry. I promise it's a juicy read. These entries often include actual journal entries from that time in my life. I'm so grateful I documented so much! Once I finish here, I hope to expand into a book. I'm posting these frequently but they'll also be interspersed with real time blogs :) Thanks for reading & supporting!

*All names are changed

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This was a humorous scene about an audition gone awry. I can hardly remember it other than it was super cute and I wish I could somehow find it again.

This was my other scene, I do remember it was from "Top Girls".

The seasons were changing and a lot was happening. It was time to showcase our scenes and perform on the Atlantic Stage for the first time.

My crash course in hitting the town and getting into bars underage was going strong. A few interesting things happened on nights out with Martha. One night she invited me out to a magazine launch party. I don't remember how she knew these people but I was excited to go. Especially once we got to the nice building and went up to the penthouse! I remember free drinks and it being a lot of fun. There was a tall guy there with dark hair who she knew and I think, liked. Well...he liked me. In fact, he invited himself home with me. "Sure", I said, thinking that this was NYC and people always seemed to be crashing at each others places. He must live too far, maybe in Jersey? I didn't know, but I thought a place to sleep was all he was asking.

He kept putting his arms around me and at some point Martha was able to take me aside and tell me he was trying to sleep with me. What?! My mind was blown. And that certainly wasn't going to happen. She took this opportunity to bring up my age (for the zillionth time) and told me there was no way I could have understood that but at her age it's a given and you know what's going on. I told him (he was named after a Disney character, I'll never forget his name) maybe he shouldn't come with me after all and that was that.

The next morning at school Martha and I were both hung over. Big time. Trying to do a physical warmup in class meant bending over and shaking our heads. I was hurting, but I was also giggling. I felt like a real grown up, having real adventures in NYC. I'd just been to a magazine launch in a penthouse, for crying out loud!

There was another night out with Martha and Mark. We were in a pub and a lady had her dog inside. It was the first time I'd seen a dog in any kind of business. I couldn't believe it.

At one point a random drunk Irish guy came up and started talking to us. I couldn't understand what he was saying and assuming he was up to no good, I wanted him gone and made it known. Martha said, "life's too short, why shut people out?" Batting an eye at Mark. He agreed and seemed to like what she'd said and then I felt stupid. Her words didn't register with me at the time, but I think of them often now. Maybe in slightly different situations, but they're with me.

I don't quite remember the events of the night but I remember a lot of midori sours and the three of us crashing in the city at someone elses apartment. Martha and I didn't want to travel back to the Bronx, Mark didn't want to travel back to Jersey so there we were, all three of us together. Both with a little crush on Mark. And guess who he picked to crash next to? Me. Uh oh. Strike two.

One night a group of us from school went out. Brayden, Mark and Martha were there, among others. Martha got drunk. Wasted. She started embarrassing me in front of Mark. I started kicking her under the table. She wasn't phased. In fact, breaking any kind of girl code that might have existed, she told him loudly, "she's even kicking me under the table right now!" I rarely get embarrassed but that did it. Embarrassed and mad. Brayden played the mediator, and always the cool one, was calm and understanding with each of us.

Martha started to change. Or maybe I was just getting to know her better. She was always running late which means we could never ride the subway into school together. I couldn't wait for her and risk getting locked out of a class. She was also flaking in school and other students were having a hard time getting along with her. She was difficult, defensive and argumentative. I knew more than ever I was going to have to distance myself from her. School and my reputation were important to me. So I began to steer clear of her.

Mark and I were by no means what you could call dating, but there was a little something going on. One night he "ended" it, saying I was too young and that what was going on between us was affecting him in school. He couldn't be in class with me because he didn't know how he was supposed to act, was he supposed to sit by me? Sit away from me? He was spending class time wondering what I was thinking. Wow. Was he for real? He's bringing up the fact that I'm young but this is what was going on with him? I certainly didn't feel the same. I had no real feelings invested. That was that. Then a little something would go on again, then he'd end it again. Um...okay.

Meanwhile, and more importantly, I needed to figure out what to do about The Guy. When I've liked someone in the past I've been a complete contradiction. I'm at the same time the biggest wuss and the ballsiest girl there is. I knew I had to find a way to meet him. This would most likely mean I'd have to make it happen. I was going to have to track him down and introduce myself. Gulp.

Our paths rarely crossed but there were two instances that I can remember as if it were yesterday. Once I was waiting for movement class to start. I was in our classroom early, students were trickling in and suddenly in walks The Guy. Dressed for a performance in a suit and tie. He was coming in to get a lamp for a prop that had been left in that studio. I remember sitting on the floor and watching as he walked passed. He could probably feel me starting at him, so he looked at me and briefly caught my eye and smiled. By no means was this a "moment", but the polite way you might pass a stranger on the street. No recognition, no anything. Damn. This might be harder than I thought.

Another time we were on a break in The Lounge. I was sitting with Bobby who was a good fifteen years older than me. He was a gay man who lived with his partner in a super nice apartment. He was a hairdresser and seemed like such a fancy, professional adult. It seemed like his life was set, he was doing well and I always wondered why he was in class with us. I really liked him he was so much fun. There we were, a group of us, when all of a sudden he jumps up yelling my name and telling me to look in the door of the studio across the hall. Oh my god! What? What was happening? A fight? A fire? A mugging? No. It was The Guy changing his clothes. He was pulling on pants as I jumped up to look. He caught my eye for an even shorter fraction of a second and continued to put on his pants. Quickly. Well great. Now if I'd made any kind of impression it was that of a peeping tom.

Embarrassing moment two.

Part 1: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/new-york-state-of-mind.html
Part 2: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/new-york-state-of-mind-part-ii.html
Part 3: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-3.html
Part 4: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-4.html

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