Apr 23, 2011

It's time.

Okay. Where to begin?

If you follow me here, you've probably noticed I've been doing a whole lot of soul searching in my last few posts. I've been taking some time to self reflect, get away from the computer, write and read. I've been questioning things happening for a reason and when something is meant to be. I like to remain pretty private on my online sites, but I'm busting way out of the mold on this one.

Whatever you believe in and whatever you want to call it, a string of events the past couple of weeks have brought me to a decision of what I need to do next in my life.

I made this decision about a week and a half ago and now I'm ready to make my announcement.

I'm going to walk The Camino.

EEEEEEEEEK! Just writing it my eyes fill up with tears and I get butterflies!

Let me tell you what this is. It's a pilgrimage through Spain. 500 miles. On foot.

Camino de Santiago, I'll be starting at St. Jean Pied de Port in France, going over the Pyrenees day one and ending up in Santiago. There at the journeys end, a mass is held for the pilgrims and they are given the compostela, a certificate of accomplishment for completing The Way.

I've realized how much time I've spent living on fast forward. I've wrapped myself up so completely in performing, what I can do for other people, what will come next that I haven't taken time to check in with me in awhile. Before I even knew of the pilgrimage I was craving solitude, nature and the need to slow down.

I need to just be without an expected outcome.

How often do we let ourselves do that?!

I don't have a summer show, I don't have to be anywhere until mid July. I realized I have the time right now, I need it now...so why not now? I can't explain how much I feel it calling me. This found me, I didn't find it.

How often is it we hear of others doing something extraordinary and the first thing we say is, "I could never do that!" But the truth is, we can. We can do it. Or at least try our hardest. How often do we push aside our truest instincts, what we know we need but don't do because it isn't practical. Or timed right. Or easy. It is the difference between the person who wishes, and the person who wakes up and does.

My plan is to take every last bit of money I have to make it happen. I'll be speaking with the travel agent on monday and hopefully leaving mid may and returning 5 to 6 weeks later.

This means I need to tie up all loose ends and get some gear (boots, jacket, pants, backpack, etc) fairly quickly. But you could put off forever doing something so big because of how hard it is, or it not being the perfect time under the guise of fear.

I refuse to ever let fear stop me.

At first I thought I'd be doing this in one year from now. But I can't wait. And I don't know what the future holds. I need to listen to my instincts rather than let all outside forces guide me, as I so often do.

It's time.

People have done this for year and years. Be it religious, spiritual, physical, mental or emotional reasons...there is a reason why it calls so strongly. I am so sure of this. I have basically been reading and learning as much about this pilgrimage as I possibly can all week.

It will be hard, it will be wonderful. It will be profound. And we all need to allow ourselves to do whatever we can to have a profound experience from time to time. To remember there is so much beyond and outside of ourselves. How little we can really live on and how little we need to make us happy. What's important.

My husband could not be more supportive of this. Because he is so good to me, I feel secure in leaving to do this. Although the most we've ever been apart is five days...and that was hard. I know in the grand scheme of things the time is just a blip on the radar of life. It's leaving my pup I'm probably most worried about!

I have great hope and I really do feel this is going to work out.

Again, I'm not going to let timing or money or any kind of worry hold me back. I feel this is what I am supposed to be doing. That if this is the right time, it will work out and I'll be on the path next month.

I'm going to be selling a few things on KSL and Ebay so I'm not completely penniless when I return, but if you do feel so inclined to send a dollar or two, I'm setting up a donation button at the bottom of the page.

Mind you, this is not about a vacation, and escape or luxury. You basically go with nothing on your back other than what you can fit into your backpack (and the goal is to have it at around 15 lbs)! You stay in hostels along the way for a few bucks a night. You eat and you stop when you're body tells you to. It's on your time, and yours alone.

I don't want this to feel like work and I don't want to feel like I have to do anything. So I won't be taking a video camera. As cool as it would be to do a daily vlog, I know It would defeat the purpose. I will be taking a camera and journal and you bet I'll pour my heart and experience into a lengthy blog, perhaps even a book afterward.

I will post a couple more links at the bottom to give you a better idea of what I'm doing.

Wish me luck!

Camino de Santiago on Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Camino_de_Santiago


  1. Sounds like fun! Be safe and take video! LOL!

  2. I LOVE YOU!!!! This is what I love about you. You amaze and and you inspire me!!!!!

  3. OMG! I ´m so excited reading this! This is sooo awesome!! I live in germany, so I heard much about Camino de Santiago. I read a wonderful, amazing book about it! ("I´m off for a while"- Hape Kerkeling)
    Good luck Deena!!! <3<3<3

  4. I fully believe things happen for a reason, Deena. You got this. You are going to return with a whole new set of values. Soak it all in, girl. And a handwritten journal FTW.