Sep 26, 2012


Something about my upcoming 7 week NYC stay has been causing me anxiety...and even a little sadness despite knowing I need to go.

My mom left town today to stay with and help my grandparents.  We had our goodbye yesterday.  I have my impending goodbye to my sweetheart.  To my pets, especially my Noodles.  I have to say goodbye to "The Winter's Tale".  I'll have one last time to see and say goodbye to my dad.

Yesterday as I hugged my mom I felt like I was a little kid going off to school or something.  I had all kinds of separation anxiety.  I've been feeling it all day.

What is wrong? 
Why am I feeling this way?

It just hit me.  Just now.

It's any kind of a GOODBYE.  Even temporary.  For any extended period of time.

It's because of Chuck.  I'm panicking.  I feel worried.  I don't want anything to happen to any other loved ones.  I don't want to miss out on time with them.  I have a constant lump in my throat.

I am so sensitive now to life, to experiences, and to everything being so incredibly beautifully and tragically fleeting.

I am having a really hard time with goodbyes.

I understand logically that there is no need, that I should be thrilled for the opportunity, and I still am.

But this year has given goodbye an entirely new feeling.

That's exactly what it is.

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