Dec 23, 2009


Merry Christmas to me, Sant brought me strep.

I'd just gotten over a bad cold last week and thought I was in the clear. Then sunday night all of a sudden I felt my tonsils getting swollen, throat started hurting, had the worst headache ever and feeling really hot. It literally came on in an instant. I tried to ignore it and tell myself it would be gone in the morning. But it wasn't.

Monday I just got worse and worse. I'm like a dude. I never ever want to go to the doctor. So you can imagine how I must have felt by the time my sweetheart got home from work and I said we should probably go. I was getting worried. I was so zapped of energy I was in tears. It was all I could do to get up and get in the car. I thought I better find out what was going on in case I spread it to my cast. Strep test came back positive and they gave me antibiotics. I woke up tuesday a little bit stronger and the aches, chills and hot feeling had gone...but I was still not myself. Still so drained. It was the difference between eating soup in bed, and going down to the kitchen to eat some and then back to bed.

It was so bad that I wasn't able to perform! It was a two show day! I can't tell you how hard that was. I could not stand it that the show was going on without me. Could. Not. Stand. It. It was devastating. I never expected this would ever happen, I've done shows sick and powered through. I never knew it would be this heartbreaking. I am so sad it's unreal. I think I've cried more in the last few days then I have all year.

When I'm performing in a show, it's everything to me. It takes up my energy, focus, life...I give 110% every time. I feel like I'm letting everyone down. The theatre, my cast, the paying audiences. I was determined to perform our two shows today. I woke up, did my makeup and hair and when I was done was so wiped out that I was once again, in tears. This is one of the hardest things I've gone through in a long time. I hate being in bed, I hate wasting time, I hate that I have no control over anything right now. I feel so terrible.

This blows. :(

1 comment:

  1. You know... I teach high school and I can tell you - its much the same feeling when you can't be there for your classes... Each class is like putting on a show and when you don't have the opportunity to do your "shows" you just feel awful and like you're letting people down -- I know completely how you felt...