Marriage Advice - Top 10

I was recently asked to write something for my husband's cousin to read the morning of her wedding. The ladies in the family compiled notes and advice for her to have as she got ready. I chose to do a simple top ten.

1.)Patience is so important. Gently remind yourself of this from time to time, and continue to grow it.

2.)Remember that you are on the same team, and try to put yourselves in each others shoes.

3.)Listen.

4.)Focus on what’s good. About your partner, and about the relationship. Say it out loud. Tell one another what it is you love, what they excel at, what you notice.

5.)Surprise each other. From a flower, to a favorite candy, to a loving note, to a chore.

6.)Speak up if something is bothering you. Don’t let feelings fester. Don’t try to guess. Just tell the truth, don’t hide your feelings, and talk it out. All feelings inside each of you are valid and should be heard.

7.)Learn each other’s love languages. What is most important to you? To your spouse? Words? Actions? Touch? Read about the five love languages and know yours and your partners. Make the effort to communicate to each other in these ways whenever you can.

8.)Make your home a safe space. Take pride in the place you call home. It doesn’t matter how big or small or decorated or bare. "Home" is made by the people in it, anyway. Speak well of it, keep it clean, and make it a place you want to be.

9.)Don’t let pride or ego stand in the way when it comes to arguing. Don’t keep score. Don’t be the one who has to win for the sake of winning. Don’t let nonsense and trivial issues get in your way.

10. )Focus on the moment. Time goes quickly. Be careful you don’t give too much of yourself to either the past or future. There is only right now. Life together will go faster then you think. Be fully present as often as possible. Savor each phase you’ll have as a couple. Your relationship will grow, change, and be many things throughout your lives together. Be open to your journey, and to growing together.

~ DM

At this very moment.

leeds, UT | 4.17.2015 


She used to come here to escape. To try to mend her broken soul. Heart shattered, she missed him terribly. She hoped that the farther away she got, maybe the easier it would be to forget he'd existed. But the truth was, when he tore through her world he changed everything. Left her in flames.

She spent so much time looking at the sky here, and teaching herself to find the beauty in everything. She had to find a way to live in the word again, and to see the good. And when she did not find it at times, "at least he's given me new eyes with which to see", she'd think.

She was open to the omens in a way she'd never been before. She was thankful for her new eyes. But just as she was resigning herself to the fact that he was lost forever, the universe stepped in, not done with them after all.

Now he is here. Her husband, holding the camera. She sees the sky in a different way now. Gone is the longing to be off of the earth and into the blue, for she loves so much what grounds her here.

Right at this moment, this is what's going through her head. And as she turns from the sunset to look at him, these are the thoughts she wants captured in this photo.



~DM

The Dress You Marry the Love of Your Life In

How I chose my wedding dress.

The hardest decision for me when planning my wedding was the dress.  I was not the girl who grew up dreaming of what my wedding day would be, or what my dress would look like.  I did not have my mind set on a time of year or style, so when I went shopping for my dress I was completely overwhelmed! I loved just about every dress I tried on.  

I wasn't allowed to take pictures in many dresses, including some of my very favorites, but I did get a few of the first options.

The first image is the very first dress I tried on! I loved it.  I wondered if I'd found it right off the bat.  The third image nearly was the one, and was even on hold for me.  When I try something on, I see the entire outfit.  The hair, makeup, the accessories.  With this one, I would have gone with a Marilyn Monroe inspired hairstyle.  Curled, lots of volume.  No veil.  I loved how flattering the last one was, but for me, it was boring.  The second image wasn't quite it for me, but it was so comfortable.  I liked the idea of wearing something flowy all night, just for the comfort level.  Speaking of flowy, take a look at this one that I liked even better.  

But this one trumped all of the above, and ended up coming in third in my overall search (which took days and hours, by the way).  

I can't even tell you how much I still love this dress.  I saw this one without a veil, and with a big bright purple orchid in my hair.  But.  When the sales woman asked me if I felt like a bride, I automatically and instinctually said no.  

The more I tried on, the more I started to get it.  

If I loved so many, and they were all such different styles, it would have to come down to who I want to be on that day.  

As the search was wrapping up, only two contenders remained.  The dress I ended up getting, and one that I wasn't able to photograph.  Picture if you can, a strapless mermaid dress embellished with amazing beading and lace detail, and a bit of a train.  Incredibly fitted and flattering, and a shade of silver.  It was stunning.  It was sexy.  I was torn for awhile.  I imagined my wedding photos.  What did I want immortalized forever? It wasn't this one.  Sexy is easy.  I needed a dress I couldn't wear to any other event.  

Back we went to try on for a second time the ball gown I couldn't stop thinking about.  I needed something special.  Spectacular.  Classy, classic, and timeless.  I needed to be Grace Kelly for the day. I needed the dress that you marry the love of your life in.  

When I came out in it for a second time, and dozens of dresses later, I knew.  As I stood in front of the mirror, two women rushed over and asked if they could look.  They said they just had to see.  "It's so timeless! You look like Grace Kelly!" One said.  The deal was sealed.  It was magic.  

I tried on veils with it, but they were all short.  I knew this dress called for a long veil.  The line needed to continue, not be cut off in the middle with such a full skirt.  I searched until I found the right one, in the right shade of blush.  

The look I went for on my wedding day turned out to be perfection.  To me.  Because it was just what I wanted.  I chose my look wisely.  It was the dress worthy of marrying the love of my life.  

I can't even believe I got to wear (and get to own) something so beautiful. 

My advice for future brides would be to match the fabric to the season, and to find something flattering to your body type.  Think about the venue, and where the photos will be shot.  Envision it, and go with your instincts.  In the end, ask yourself who you want to be on that day, and you want immortalized forever. And last but not least, rules are made to be broken.  If you feel it's the one, you can't go wrong.

If you are shopping in SLC, the quality, selection, and experience at The Perfect Dress and it's sister store The Brides' Shop are unparalleled.  And believe me, I went everywhere!

Thanks for reading,

Deena Marie 

Where are you going? Here are a few more for fun!

My wish for you.

My wish for you:
I wish for you to have love.
To keep searching if you haven't found it yet,
and to never settle.
To experience a love that comes easy, 
and not force a fit because you wish it would be so,
or you've told yourself you're running out of time.
I wish for you to follow your truth to love,
because that's where it leads you. 
Every time.
I wish for you to release a love,
if it isn't the right love.
It is a hard and ultimately selfless act
to cut the strings
and free them to seek their love.
I wish for you to love someone more
than you love yourself, or a career.
I wish for you to be relieved, home, made whole, by love.
To be freed and enhanced.
I wish for you to wholeheartedly believe that you deserve love,
that you are perfect and worthy
of love just as you are,
That love is not selfish and does not
have to be conditional.
It should fill you, not deplete you. 
And if it is, and if it does, then it is not IT. 
Keep seeking.
Miracles happen every day.