Happy

4.26.2020


I am happy today. I don't feel this way often. Let me explain.

I have always inherently understood that happiness is not sustainable. It's not a place we end, but a place we land...from time to time. That we each come earth-side with our natural dispositions, and while we can adjust, and be influenced to a point, our temperature seems to be set where it's set, and we inevitably come back to land there.

I remember reading a book in my 20's that finally explained what I'd always known, which was that there are a million other things to be, rather than "happy". That is not to say I never land in "happiness", but the feeling of happiness that comes full on, that lasts the majority of the day, the whole body all-encompassing feeling of joy, just doesn't hit often.

And this is not to say that if one does not experience joy, that they must be experiencing it's opposite, for I do not exist full time in sadness, but rather, am a mix of many things.

I default in: a bit of melancholia, wistfulness, nostalgia, wonder, curiosity, and my other things I lack the vocabulary for, that make up my inner storm.

But when days like this hit, where my body is light, where I dwell lightly in it, when I have a pep in my step, a twinkle in my eye, and a smile on my face, when I have landed for a moment in happy...those days feel so good.

And I think they are extra special, because they don't come often.

Like a holiday.

I appreciate it like a holiday...


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