Nov 13, 2012

All that is not.

In 2012 the world ended just as they said it would.  At least it did for me.
And several times.

I kept dying.  I would go on living.

What I want you to know, you, yes you, is that there was a time when the people who are not, were still in the world.  Made of earth.  And they were vibrant and alive.  Life was localized and it was musical and smelled of cinnamon and spice.  It was loud.  A vibration of generations connected by our invisible dewdrop spiderweb.  I was so conscious of it then.  It was tangible.  I could almost see it.  I can hear it still.  It echos in me.

Right before my Grandpa died, I had a memory of him on repeat in my head.  It is one of my earliest and most vivid memories.  I had a stuffed bunny I carried everywhere.  Her name was Melissa.  I got sick.  I eventually got misdiagnosed and put through too many tests and treatments to get into right now.  To cover all bases, Melissa was taken to the dry cleaners across the street.

It was the longest night of my life, up to that point.  It was the first time I was aware of experiencing time and the tricks it can play.  I didn't know how I'd get through.  How could I survive this endless night? I walked with my grandpa up through the neighborhood to get a view of the dry cleaner across the street.  She was in there.  My Melissa.  A separation from a love of my life.  It was still light outside.

It was also the first time I was aware, (and can remember all of this like it was yesterday) truly aware of my size, place, and physicality in the world.  I felt so small in a space so vast.  I was so low to the ground.  I felt heavy.  I felt rooted to earth.  I was so incredibly human.  It was such a strange sensation to realize how tiny I was.  How I was bound by gravity in the most permanent of ways, and how much bigger I felt, than what I was realizing I was restricted to.

How if I were to stand in a corner of my room, how small that space would be.  Nobody would know there was a special little girl in a minuscule corner of a room in a city in a state of the world of the earth.

How could I be so much, feel so much, and nobody who didn't already know me would never know? How could I be so aware of my mortality and so stuck in time?

I walked, experiencing all of this for the first time, my first philosophizing, with my Grandpa by my side.  Did he see it? Did he know these things about life and the universe? Could he see me feeling this? Was he feeling this muddy in both time and body, too?

The first time that time froze for me, was with him.


1928 ~ 2012
On November 10, 2012, Blaine Bowden left this earth in a blink of an eye, and was in heaven! We will miss our special husband, padaddy, grandpa, pa, uncle, brother, and friend. What rejoicing there must have been when dad reunited with his son Chuck!
Blaine was born September 26, 1928, to Charles Alfred and Lora Orchard Bowden. He lived most of his life in Salt Lake City.
After graduating from Granite High School, he joined the Navy in September of 1946. He participated in three expeditions of the Arctic regions and completed Aerial Photographic School in Pensacola, Florida. He was a part of numerous aerial photo mapping surveys. Dad traveled to Alaska, Central and South America, and other locations around the U.S.
Dad married our mom, Angela Paez on August 24, 1950 in Elko, Nevada. Together they raised two sons and three daughters. They traveled to Europe, Hawaii, and Alaska with smaller trips in between. They were married 62 years.
Blaine retired from the U.S. Government in 1975, where he worked as an Air Traffic Controller. He graduated from Westminster College in 1978, with a BA in Psychology.
Dad coached his sons baseball teams and led them to the championship game two years in a row. They were major highlights in his life.
Dad loved his family, speaking Spanish, golfing, coffee, McDonald milk shakes, and watching the Utes!
He leaves behind his precious wife, our mom, Angie. He also leaves behind children, Larry Bowden (Margo), Lauren Manzanares (Claude), Farah Benevento (Bryon), Dyana Bassett (Jay); grandchildren, Deena Manzanares Evanoff (Dave), Lacey Bowden, Shannon Bowden, Griffin Murray, Ondrea Benevento, Lili Benevento and Jude Benevento; and brother, Garth Bowden. He is preceded in death by his parents; brother, Wally Bowden; sister, Pauline Cowling; and eldest son, Charles Bowden.
A special thank you to the Leeds Area Special Services District, and also to Pastor Tim Miles for his love and prayers.
We Love You PA, till the end of the numbers!
Funeral services will be held Saturday, November 17, 2012, at 11:00 a.m. at the Spilsbury Hurricane Valley Mortuary, 25 N. 2000 W., Hurricane, UT. There will be a viewing one hour prior to services. Interment will take place in the Leeds City Cemetery.
Arrangements are made under the direction of Spilsbury Hurricane Valley Mortuary, (435) 635-2212. Friends may sign his guestbook at www.spilsbury
Published in Salt Lake Tribune on November 14, 2012

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