1.) I've recently connected with a girl friend who was a huge part of my life and couldn't feel happier about it. She was/is a very special, rare human being who I hated losing contact with and feel overwhelmed at the possibility I could have her back in my life in some way. I realize now I never should have let a certain boy take any priority over her. But I was too young and inexperienced to know better at the time.
2.) I think there are different types of love, or of being 'in love'. Before I got married, I was engaged to someone for a very short time and even bought a wedding dress. Now I look at the time and realize I was never, not even for one day in love with him in the slightest. It was just a strange companionship I somehow got caught up in and was the most unhealthy time in my entire life. I am only thankful any of it happened because I can compare it to what I have and who I am today...and know that I am truly lucky to be where I am and with who I am with. There is no one better suited for me than my husband. I also know now how strong I am and would never let someone treat me the way I was once treated again. I can only turn it into something positive now be able to recognize cowardice and abuse...and now real love, honesty and happiness. I don't believe in regret. I believe everything happens for a reason, but if I could? I'd go back and kick myself in the ass for being such an ass to waste so much time with that ass! Karma, baby.
3.) I thought I'd had my heart broken a zillion times all throughout my life when a boy didn't like me back or when a 'relationship' ended. Now I realize it only happened once. A boy in nyc after I'd just moved into his apartment. The way he did it? By saying "I don't love you". Never will I forget those words. Never will I forget how I felt the next day. I. Truly. Thought. I. Was. Going. To. Die. But I did get up. I got off the couch. I got my things. I moved away. Again, I suppose my path was to go through the worst before I could have the best. I just hope that no person ever uses those words to end a relationship to anyone. Ever. "I don't love you". And I am so glad I'll never ever worry about hearing those words again...ever in my life.
4.) I don't understand people who can't take blame. I have had close friends and known people who (whether they know it or not) can't hold a friendship or relationship and each time they suffer a falling out it's never them but how the other person did them wrong. How can you not see that you're the common denominator? I'm a good friend. A loyal friend. A patient friend. But I won't be walked on and taken for granted. These people clearly need to work out issues before they can be selfless or giving people. One day they'll wake up with a whole lotta nothin'. And by then it just may be too little to late. You gotta give and take and show empathy and respect to other people. Don't come crawling back to me when you've exhausted everyone else.
5.) Marriage completely changes you. For the best. For us, it completely enhanced everything that was already amazing in our relationship. It's got nothing to do with a piece of paper but the vows. And the words husband and wife have an inexplicable effect on you until you know what it's like. And I'm learning everyday it only gets better as it goes. It's true that you fall more in love each day. Everything deepens and the sense of calm, safety, security and love I have now in my life is the most fulfilling thing in my world.
Heart felt post x
ReplyDeleteThree months before my wedding it came to light that my fiancee was £40,000 in debt, what's that? $80,000? He had been a compulsive gambler and I never had a clue. He wiped out our joint 'wedding' account and now I see that I never really loved him at all, actually, I think I knew it then but was at a place where being alone was a worse option. Sad sad sad.
Now I'm your carbon copy 'Jan'. 30's and single, but NOT desperate for a man, infact I tend to subconsciously fuck up anything that has potential, I just can't be arsed.