Life is a series of goodbyes with stolen moments.
The stolen moments are to be cherished.
I am full to the brim. Bursting at the seams, swirling with memories. I can hardly sleep or eat because they're so busy in me. Fragments coming up to the surface all through the day, and in my dreams at night. Calling to me. Frantic for me to write them out. It's hard to know where to begin.
I've started work this week on a project that has been a dream come true. Another example that "what you seek is seeking you." Make a plan, but be adaptable. Let the universe show you the way every day. I'm in the midst of co - creating a mixed media performance piece at The Leonardo. I get to use my own words, my original ideas, incorporate my favorite music and pieces of poems and novels. It's what I've been aching for, for so long. And it's here. And it's happening. And it's just the beginning. Mixing and making magic of science and love.
I can't shut off my brain right now. I never want to leave our meetings. I am full of ideas. Of visions. I could do this all day. I have been immersed in words and images and I'm finding that this kind of creating cracks me open. In a good way. In a right and welcome way. Bits of my life, my childhood, my family, my experiences will be laid bare and made beautiful onstage. The timing is perfect.
I have also been able to reflect this last week on my life, currently, and what it is I have. I have a deeper understanding of my own relationship as we've begun to dissect and discuss LOVE. I've always known I was lucky, but I'm not sure I knew just how lucky. Two people trying to fit together is hard enough, let alone easily. How do we ever find anyone we fit with? How do we find someone that not only fits us, but enhances us? And have it come easy?
Timing really is everything, isn't it? And what you do with time? If you stick something out, if you walk away.
But what are the odds that in all of the cosmos at any given time you can meet your person. Your person out there in the cosmos that will magically fit with you. Your puzzle piece. The one that really fits, not the one you force. What determines when fate blows you their way, or them yours? Why do I get to experience that? Why am I one of the lucky ones? Why doesn't everyone get this?
Those who came before him weren't bad people, they just simply weren't a fit, or were on my path at the wrong time.
But why? I don't know.
I can feel it. It's visceral. The gathering of those past, present, and yet to come. Isn't it interesting that we travel through time and space, collecting our people along the way? Not just lovers, or a love in the romantic sense, but we build our family. We find our dog. We find our cat. We find our best friends. We find those in the connected by blood category that we have extra special bonds with. One day we meet our child.
And how do we seem to find the right ones? What are the odds we meet people who become best friends? How come sometimes we know it instantly? You! You are mine. My people. What are the chances or the reason behind me walking into a certain place on a certain day and finding my pup, Noodles? Picking the pup who I'd bond with beyond what I ever could have anticipated. Knowing there's someone I was meant to be with in that little five pound body. Sometimes seeing a wise sage I've known before, other times seeing my baby. My child. A soulmate.
I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, other than I'm just thinking about all of this right now and wondering how and why.
And thinking about how none of it can be kept. Nothing can be. It is all so fleeting. You get to be mine and I get to be yours but just for a minute. That minute may be a year, it may be twelve, it may be until one of us is gone from the earth. It won't last.
We can only experience each other in ages. In phases. In stages. Until we become something else. Until a different type of people is needed, we evolve together, we meet at the wrong time and keep searching, or our physical body expires.
We meet in the midst of our big, long goodbye.
And such is life. And so it goes.
There are just these stolen moments sprinkled throughout when it times out just right. Notice them. Feel them. Really, feel them. Appreciate them.
Because it's just for a second.
Then let go...
* * * * * * * * * *
My life in pictures
* * * * * * * * * *