Follow the omens

Do you believe in omens? Signs from the universe?

Every few years I read "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho.  I remember my first time through, years ago.  I wondered what all the talk of omens meant.  I sure wanted to believe that I could somehow follow a trail of omens to my destiny.  But how would I do it? Would these omens be something I would need to learn to conjure up?  Attract like "The Secret"? Whatever that means.  Why wasn't I lucky enough to have signs popping up around me, to show me I was on the right path? Or...could it be I wasn't quite understanding the concept?

Years later (and a whole bunch of books, life experience and new knowledge later) I got it.  It's not as literal as I originally thought.  You have to tune in.  You have to become aware.  You have to notice.  You can't brush them off.  They are there.  They are every bit as magical.

Deepak Chopra talks a lot about something similar, called syncrodestiny.  The coincidences of the universe.

"When a coincidence arises, don’t ignore it. Ask yourself, What is the message here? What is the significance of this? You don’t need to go digging for the answers. Ask the question, and the answers will emerge. They may arrive as a sudden insight, a spontaneous creative experience, or they may be something very different. Perhaps you will meet a person who is somehow related to the coincidence that occurred. An encounter, a relationship, a chance meeting, a situation, a circumstance will immediately give you a clue to its meaning. “Oh, so that’s what it was all about!”

The key is to pay attention and inquire.

I wanted neon signs with my name and and arrow signs, but if we're searching for something of that magnitude we don't see the our real guideposts.  

I have tuned in.  I have opened up.  I am listening.  I am slowing down and noticing.  In doing so over many months, I can tell you that we've got a great relationship, the universe and I.  She leaves me love notes to both teach and confirm what I know.  And she reminds me when I forget.  If we let the universe show us the way every day, we can't possibly go wrong.  

It is true that the greatest things we'll ever learn are love, self respect, that we are exactly enough just as we are, and that the greatest pilgrimage we'll ever make is within our own body.

Last year (my dark and dismal year) I started to take notice of peacocks.  Peacocks everywhere I looked.  On tv, online, on merchandise, painted on walls, in real life.  It got strange.  Really strange.  Okay, I thought.  I'm listening.  I wonder what they're trying to tell me? I looked up the symbolism of a peacock, and wouldn't you know it.  Renewal.  Resurrection.  A phoenix.  Spirituality.  AWAKENING.  And if you know me or follow me here then you'd know just how much that pertained to what I went through and how I'd describe the most trying and life changing year I'd ever had.  

One day last summer I was outside on a run, and out of nowhere on the sidewalk was this (just when I needed it more than you could know):

Something else happened that was so obvious.  So blatant.  I couldn't not see it as a sign.  It has to do with a name, but I'm keeping this one to myself.  

The one that really makes our jaws drop, happened right after my Grandpa died.  I was leaving Southern Utah a day after the funeral and on the way out my Grandma asked me if I wanted to take a box of candles.  My sweetheart loves candles so I said okay.  I took the big brown box and we put it in the car.  It smelled of my childhood home.  I brought it inside and it sat on the kitchen counter for a few days.  We all discussed my grandma.  At their age and after being partners for so long it can by typical for the other to pass shortly after losing their spouse.  We all wondered, would this happen with my Grandma? 

I had given them new nicknames and for the last few months I would refer to them as Tiny Brown or Little Brown and Mr. Shuffles when I would talk about them with my sweetheart or parents. One day, my sweetheart and I are sitting at the kitchen table and we can't believe we haven't noticed what the candle box says:

If you ask me, it doesn't get any more personal than that.  Her nickname.  And a message that her life is far from over.  

Two weeks ago I found this on the ground:

And today on a wall that was blank yesterday was:

For awhile I've been entertaining some thought about what I've jokingly called to my close friends and family, "quitting the biz".  Am I serious? Do I really want to give up acting? Kind of.  Hang on, let me explain.  I will never quit, but I do want more in my life.  I have too many other parts left waiting to be fueled.  And boy, they are hungry.  I'm suddenly craving adding more in and being okay with taking time away from.  But I also know how important it is to go with the flow.  To be open.  To have a plan but to be adaptable.  To follow the omens.  

The omens have shown me in huge and surprising ways that it's not meant for me to be announcing my "quitting" anytime soon.  From three theatres contacting me for various things at once, to my dream project that had only been a fantasy all but two weeks ago, to being recognized (as an actress) when I was in a place trying to get the ball rolling for the next new adventure in my life.  

And last but not least, a friend who had no idea I felt this way wrote me a message telling me he'd had a dream I wanted to quit and he was sent from the future telling me I wasn't supposed to.  

And then there is the number.  After my grandpa died I slipped back into a bad way...for a few days.  That's all I allowed myself.  I decided I needed to live.  I needed to go forward.  I needed to go on.  If I didn't, my sadness would eat me alive.  I would be gone.  So suddenly I did.  

And I have been okay.  I have been better than okay.  

As the year ended and the new one began, everything finally feels aligned! Things are right.  Things are in place.  Things are clear.  And during this time I started seeing a number.  The same number, everywhere.  Even more than the peacock.  It was starting to drive me crazy because I couldn't figure out what it meant.  Long story short this number is associated with a God of Healing.  My healing has been happening as I've been seeing this number everywhere.  

I've seen it less the more progress I made.

Now, I do find that a scientific truth about the world we live in is more magical to me than any religious story.  The amazements we can prove in discovering our own universe is far bigger and exciting to me than an organized religion with a god.  However, I believe that all religion is true.  What is your truth, is your truth.  What is my truth is my truth.  What his or hers is his or hers, etc.  We have no idea what each others journeys are about.  Who is anyone to tell another their truth is right or wrong? 

"If there's only one nation in the sky, shouldn't all passports be valid for it? - Yann Martel 

One thing I like about getting older is the need to explain yourself to others goes away.  You can finally just put it all out there and know that it is what you offer, and that it is enough. 

But despite anything that may be proven (as of right now), there are still things that can't be explained.  The omens being one.  

Could I have read too much into these? Could coincidence be just that and nothing more? Maybe.  Sure.  But I am going to choose to believe in taking notice.  In following my omens.  If it helps me to get to my final destination with a little more comfort, so be it.  

I'll see you at the end and I'll be able to tell you I have indeed enjoyed the journey.  

"We are all just walking each other home" - Ram Dass

This is the one of several joint blog / shared topics with JayC Stoddard.  It's amazing how our blogs on the same subject are so different, so similar, and so complimentary to the other persons.  Every time.  Coincidence? You be the judge: JAYC STODDARD his blog is brilliant, you should follow it :) 

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My life in pictures 

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A series of goodbyes with stolen moments

Life is a series of goodbyes with stolen moments.  
The stolen moments are to be cherished.  


I am full to the brim.  Bursting at the seams, swirling with memories.  I can hardly sleep or eat because they're so busy in me.  Fragments coming up to the surface all through the day, and in my dreams at night.  Calling to me.  Frantic for me to write them out.  It's hard to know where to begin.

I've started work this week on a project that has been a dream come true.  Another example that "what you seek is seeking you."  Make a plan, but be adaptable.  Let the universe show you the way every day.  I'm in the midst of co - creating a mixed media performance piece at The Leonardo.  I get to use my own words, my original ideas, incorporate my favorite music and pieces of poems and novels.  It's what I've been aching for, for so long.  And it's here.  And it's happening.  And it's just the beginning.  Mixing and making magic of science and love.   

I can't shut off my brain right now.  I never want to leave our meetings.  I am full of ideas.  Of visions.  I could do this all day.  I have been immersed in words and images and I'm finding that this kind of creating cracks me open.  In a good way.  In a right and welcome way.  Bits of my life, my childhood, my family, my experiences will be laid bare and made beautiful onstage.  The timing is perfect.

I have also been able to reflect this last week on my life, currently, and what it is I have.  I have a deeper understanding of my own relationship as we've begun to dissect and discuss LOVE.  I've always known I was lucky, but I'm not sure I knew just how lucky.  Two people trying to fit together is hard enough, let alone easily.  How do we ever find anyone we fit with? How do we find someone that not only fits us, but enhances us? And have it come easy?

Timing really is everything, isn't it? And what you do with time? If you stick something out, if you walk away.

But what are the odds that in all of the cosmos at any given time you can meet your person.  Your person out there in the cosmos that will magically fit with you.  Your puzzle piece.  The one that really fits, not the one you force.  What determines when fate blows you their way, or them yours? Why do I get to experience that? Why am I one of the lucky ones? Why doesn't everyone get this?

Those who came before him weren't bad people, they just simply weren't a fit, or were on my path at the wrong time.

But why? I don't know.

I can feel it.  It's visceral.  The gathering of those past, present, and yet to come.  Isn't it interesting that we travel through time and space, collecting our people along the way? Not just lovers, or a love in the romantic sense, but we build our family.  We find our dog.  We find our cat.  We find our best friends.  We find those in the connected by blood category that we have extra special bonds with.  One day we meet our child.

And how do we seem to find the right ones? What are the odds we meet people who become best friends? How come sometimes we know it instantly? You! You are mine.  My people.  What are the chances or the reason behind me walking into a certain place on a certain day and finding my pup, Noodles? Picking the pup who I'd bond with beyond what I ever could have anticipated.  Knowing there's someone I was meant to be with in that little five pound body.  Sometimes seeing a wise sage I've known before, other times seeing my baby.  My child.  A soulmate.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, other than I'm just thinking about all of this right now and wondering how and why.

And thinking about how none of it can be kept.  Nothing can be.  It is all so fleeting.  You get to be mine and I get to be yours but just for a minute.  That minute may be a year, it may be twelve, it may be until one of us is gone from the earth. It won't last.

We can only experience each other in ages.  In phases.  In stages.  Until we become something else.  Until a different type of people is needed, we evolve together, we meet at the wrong time and keep searching, or our physical body expires.

We meet in the midst of our big, long goodbye.
And such is life.  And so it goes.
There are just these stolen moments sprinkled throughout when it times out just right. Notice them.  Feel them.  Really, feel them.  Appreciate them.

Because it's just for a second.

Hang on.

Then let go...


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My life in pictures

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HAPPY NEW YEAR!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Welcome to a new year, a fresh start, a clean slate.
I feel like I've just hatched from an egg!
Things feel better already, don't they?

"Begin today. Declare out loud to the universe that you are willing to let go of struggle and eager to learn through joy." 

I'm finally using the Instagram I started (one year ago today) regularly.
I've posted several pics from last nights New Years Eve celebration.  That was the first NYE in years I've spent with my family rather than friends.  Tradition is important, but so is NEW.  So we combined the two.  We made reservations at our favorite New Years restaurant, the same one we've been to for years, only this time with the family.  Then came back to our house.  It was perfect.

The state I was in coming out of / entering a new year last year was toxic.  This year is completely opposite.  I've realized now that if your rebirth is in chaos and negativity you set yourself right up for a downward spiral.

Today I was born in lightness.  In air.  In happiness.


I wrote one last blurb of the year on my facebook yesterday:

An ending & a beginning: If you know me or follow my blog, then you know that 2012 was the worst year of my life. I am so glad that in a matter of hours 2012 will no longer exist, and that I made it through! There really is no way out, but through. I came out transformed. It was my 365 day crash course in life's hardest lessons. It was the year of loss and impossible goodbyes, but also the year of the soul. I found lessons in everything and grew more in a short time than I would have thought possible. It was the start of a major transformation and rebirth. I leap into the new year a new person. Nice to meet you, universe. 2013 is my time to dig deeper into the unexplored parts of myself that I've left waiting. It's time to fuel my spiritual scientist. It's the year to create, in all ways. To express in new mediums. To share my words further, and to learn all I can. To follow the lead each time my heart pulls me toward something. To remember I am responsible for my own happiness and happiness is something I can chose each new day. I am so grateful to embark with my family connected to each other. 

Goodbye. Hello. Forward...forward now. ♥

NYC #15 - Wrap up

I'd been blogging my NYC stay every sunday, but I never got around to the final post.  My Grandpa suddenly passed away & sent my world into a tailspin again.  I came home a day early.  I really wanted to conclude my posts and I hope I kept track of what I did the final week.  Let me open up my calendar I was keeping and see what I've got.  This last one probably wont be as detailed, but at least I'll have documented it all.

Sunday November 4
Mexican Food date with the roomies at Ariba Ariba.

Monday November 5
A dinner and a drink with Scotty & Tyrel at Lillies in Union Square.

Tuesday November 6
Figaro at The Pearl.  I've never seen a cast of more beautiful women before.  Each one, so striking.  Every time a new one came out it took me aback.

Wednesday November 7
Met my scene partner David to work on our Measure for Measure scene for my final Shakespeare course on monday.  We sat working and just talking for hours.  It started snowing like crazy! I could barely keep my feet on the ground, and the wind blowing was painful.  Snow and ice kept getting in my eyes and it hurt.  I stopped for pad tai around the corner when I left Davids and hopped on the subway to Times Square where I saw "Dead Accounts" with Katie Holmes.

Thursday November 8
Went to visit Joyce Cohen! One of the people in my life who truly inspires me.  She talked about having a "big life".  And completely understood the importance of having that big life to bring back to your partner.

Friday November 9
An audition for "The Winter's Tale".  I'll remember this as one of the best auditions I've had.  Started day one of our Neutral Mask Workshop at the Movement Theater Studio NYC taught by Adrienne Kapstein.

Saturday November 10
Day two of Mask, followed by seeing a production of Golden Boy".  This was a special show for me to see for two reasons.  One, when I was a student at Atlantic a scene I was working on from Golden Boy was chosen to perform for David Mamets master class.  I'd never seen the play done before.  And two, Tony Shallhoub was in it.  There's a running joke now with two plays I've been in where I have spread the word Tony was in the audience. Someone falls for it every time.  This was my chance to get a picture with him after to conclude the ultimate joke.

I was having a great day and night, then I went home and got the word my grandpa suddenly died.

Sunday November 11
I got no sleep.  I cried all night.  I wanted to get home as fast as possible.  I couldn't believe this was real.  The rug had been pulled out from under me.  What should I do? What could I do? I was so far.  I went to my third and final Mask class.  With my bloodshot eyes.  I talked with my roomie on the subway the entire way there.  I was determined to get through.

Monday November 12
Last Shakespeare class.  It was wonderful.  David & I took a picture and said goodbye before I hopped on the subway to pack up and leave.  John helped me get a car, we said our goodbyes, and there I went.

As quickly as it had begun, my journey was over.

I've purposely left out details on classes.  What I did, what I learned, what was said, what the instructors were like.  That was for me.  If you want to know more, maybe in person I'll tell you sometime.

I needed this.  I needed to prove things to myself.  I needed to get away.  I needed to come back.  I needed to learn, grow, make peace, move forward.  It was absolutely invaluable.

New York, I love you.


The shows  (in order.)
1.) Folsom Prison Shots presented by aMios – under St. Marks

2.) Harper Reagan – Atlantic Theater Company 

3.) Prelude, The Return of the Singspeil – CUNY

4.) Cyrano – Roundabout

5.) Sleep No More - McKittrick Hotel 

6.) Once - Broadway 

7.) Pericles – Animus Theatre Company 

8.) Love Poems for Dead Bodies (reading) – Your Name Here

9.) Chicago - Broadway 

10.) Taming of the Shrew – Frog and Peach

11.) Ivanov – Classic Stage

12.) Peter & the Starcatcher - Broadway 

13.) The Heiress - Broadway 

14.) Hamlet - Wooster Group 

15.) Giant – The Public

16.) King Lear – American Bard Theater Co.

17.) Company – The Gallery Players

18.) Who’s afraid of Virgina Wolf - Broadway 

19.) Figaro - The Pearl 

20.) Dead Accounts - Broadway 

21.) Golden Boy - Broadway


My favorite? #11 (not only of this trip but my favorite straight play I've ever seen).
Close behind are #4, #18, #13.

The classes

Shakespeare with Seth Barrish of The Barrow Group 

Red Bull Classical Theater Workshop
with Liz Smith, Matt Rauch & artistic director Jesse Berger 

Neutral Mask Workshop at the Movement Theater Studio NYC
taught by Adrienne Kapstein 

Actors Movement Studio with Janice Orlandi 

The story
NYC 14
NYC 13
NYC 12
NYC 11
NYC 10
NYC 9
NYC 8
NYC 7  
NYC 6
NYC 5
NYC 4 
NYC 3 
NYC 2
NYC 1
NYC Bound once again

Speak a new language

Speak a new language 
so that the world 
will be 
a new world 

-Rumi 

April, June, December
Metamorphosis, Shed a skin

Just a little over six months in between
Grow, Rebirth

...2012 fades away, the evolution of a contained 365 days complete,
and a new year is being born...

Join me: Instagram 

Deena Marie 


★ 

What's in a name?

This blog has grown and evolved over the years and a new name was needed.
BeanerLarue is no longer the title for this place...

Everything that has come before remains.
Thank you for being here for the ride so far!
Let's see where the future takes these words.

New mediums are planned for my words in the new year...
each moment has been a stepping stone for me to realize
that at my core I've always been and always will be...


a Shapeshifting Poet.


I will sing my words, dance them, act them, write them, speak them.
I will continue to give them to you, in all my forms.


I was once called a Walking Poem.  
Needless to say, no compliment or description of me ever has 
or ever could match that.



Deena Marie

Sweetwater by Javen Tanner

Sweetwater

It has taken me a long time to get here. The circumstances are less than ideal: a believer in the age of reason.
I have driven from New York. Filthy and bloodshot,

I begin to cry before I even reach the bank. A bluebird dips in front of me and laughs, and I scold myself
for immediately turning him into my heart.

When I was a child I heard the story of a man who walked a thousand miles. He crossed the Mississippi, the Missouri, and others.

But when he came to this river––this small river–– exhausted and starving, the thought of crossing broke his will, and he sat on the bank and wept.

The Sweetwater got its name because of its potability in contrast with the many alkaline water sources along the Oregon Trail in Wyoming.

There are stories of travelers beating their animals away from poisonous waters, trying to keep them alive until they reached the Sweetwater.

It has taken me a long time to get here.
Beaten from other waters, I want to drink;
I want to cross. Instead, I kneel and throw my sobs up

where they mix with the bluebird’s song,
where my weeping joins the weeping of generations, saying: we follow the heart no matter how unreasonable

the journey. And for each of us there comes a time when we cannot cross the water, no matter how sweet the destination. But the heart flies over.

––Javen Tanner 

Sting & Honey  

Take these with you...

Winter Solstice.

The world did not end.  The days will now get longer.  The light will start to come.

Into the new beginning I take the following:


1.) Dwell lightly in the body

2.) Respond to every call that excites your spirit

3.) I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.



Tweet: @DeenaMarie

Children by Khalil Gibran

Children

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable. 

Khalil Gibran 

Make Room

I planned to do some kind of year in review blog, but I'm not sure how to approach that one this time.  I was a word alchemist this year more than ever.  At least publicly.  I translated my guts to the page time and time again.  Many of those times I felt as though something else was speaking through me.  How do I fit eternity into one post by a certain date? What I can best say about my journey of 2012 has already been said.  By Rumi, of course.

“Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.”
~Rumi 

That says it all, but here's my attempt at a bit more:

This was the year.
This was the year I saw death.
It racked my bones and broke them to dust.

I said goodbye.  Loss ran rampant over me more times than you'd believe,
even if I told you about each and every one of them, The Losses.
At times so big, so shatteringly big, I am in awe of my survival.

My heart broke.
Again.  And again.  And again.  Ba boom! 
I got a new tattoo.
I am.  I am.  I am.  Ba boom! 
It was the worst summer of my life.
It was the summer of animals.
It was the summer of running.  Anything to keep moving.

This was the year my limits were lifted.
I saw my confinements clearly.  The invisible labels and restraints only I had placed.
I saw them lift.  Like a shutter, up they snapped and dissipated.
The one great gift death and death alone can bring.
There he laid, there I sat.  There they went. 
This was the year I saw with my own eyes we are not our physical bodies.
I am not my weight, my height, my hair, my age.
I am all, and all is me, and always has been, and always will be.  
I am enough, and you are, too.  You are another me, I am another you.

This was the year of the soul.
The only thing I'm now sure of.
My eyes deceive me, my body betrays me, but my soul...
My soul has never led me astray.
I was let out, I transcended.  I saw heaven.

Psychosomatic as it may be,
I experienced my Uncle's sickness for months when he left.
My heart hurt and my hands went numb for my Grandpa when he was gone.
My imagined fear let out, I went on a six week artistic sabbatical.
I gathered up all I could to add to my Big Life.
To expand myself and bring it back to keep.

This was the year of The Winter's Tale.  A sad tale was best for winter.
Hermione found me and gave me the ultimate healing,
and Shakespeares words patched me back together.

Death came a second time.  Nobody told me how greedy Death is. 
The rug pulled out from under me and all my comfort shattered once again.
I spiraled in when it should have been out (but deep down this time I knew better),
and so I saved myself one sunday night.
Promising myself that even though people always leave me on the weekend,
Monday I can chose to come back to life and throw myself even deeper into the opposite of fear.

I will chose.
I will chose to give my moments Meaningful Shape.
I choose the better story.

I will respond to you, soul.  To the call from the stars.
To the Athena's before me, and Comsic Alchemists who follow,
I will pave your way with a golden story in which you'll remember you're not alone.
You've been here before, and will be again.

There is only hope.
There is only forward.
And I am free.


Tweet me: @DeenaMarie

Music of the Spheres

I'm a word collector.

Snippets that resonate with me stick to me.  They may be from a book, a song, a movie, a play, or someone I talk to.  They add up to what I've called before, The Library of Me.  They shape me.  They guide me.  I draw on them for inspiration, and many times they bubble up and announce themselves.  They reread themselves to me in a loud internal voice.  They come to me to tell me things.

I've been home from New York for nearly a month now.  One of the plays I saw early on was a production of Pericles.  I'd never read or seen it.  It just so happened I was considering a scene from it for my Shakespeare course at the same time.  I remember something catching my eye, "Music of the Spheres" and seeing the definition.  The music of the Universe.  Music we can't actually hear.  I wanted to know more.

I forgot about it.

Until the last few days it came knocking.

I couldn't remember exactly what it was I read or what character said it.  A few nights ago I finally found it.  It was Pericles himself.

In reading about The Music of the Spheres, or Musica Universalis, I came across a beautiful blog:
Tango Therapist: Tango and the Music of the Spheres 

I don't know why it's on my mind or what it's trying to tell me.  I'll keep reading.  I'll let you know.

Today I stumbled upon this TED talk.  It left me wiping away tears and getting the chills like crazy:

Reassembled: The Sum of my Parts

Dismembered, I ached.  
The year had left me weary.  
Smashed down to my atoms, I managed to hang on.
I hung tight and sat still.  Even when the wind blew.  
At times I was injured, damaged inside out. 
But when the ground froze and all was nearly lost, 
I decided now was the time for going again.  
A new sum of my havoc wrecked parts.  
Reassembled, I have a head start for when the earth thaws out once more.  

tweet: @DeenaMarie
And/or Facebook

The Russian Cosmonaut

I've been thinking of the story of the Russian Cosmonaut a lot lately.

I'm working on changing my thoughts.
On moving forward.
On the never ending journey of "accept & allow".
Embrace.

The Russian Cosmonaut Story from one of my favorite movies, "Another Earth" here


I'm working on letting things I want to fight against fuel me instead.
Change me, transform me.

Aura

Want to know what color your Aura is?

Take the quiz on Pamala Oslie's Life Colors City website!
I love stuff like this.  I definitely see aspects that are right on in each of the three I am.
Violet, Crystal, Green.

Glad I happened to catch her on Ricki Lake today!

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Violet

Violets are the inspirational visionaries, leaders and teachers who are here to help save the planet. Most Violets feel drawn to educate the masses, to inspire higher ideals, to improve the quality of life on the planet, or to help save people, animals and the environment.

All Violets have an inner sense that they are here to do something important, that their destiny is greater than that of the average person. Most Violets have felt this way since childhood. As children, many Violets imagined becoming famous, or traveling the planet, possibly joining humanitarian causes such the Peace Corp. Many of these charismatic personalities take on roles as leaders and teachers, while other Violets prefer to reach people through music, film or other art form.

Because this era is currently the "Violet Age," any Violets who are not accomplishing what they came here to do are experiencing an inner “push” — even an inner “earthquake.” Inner forces seem to be shaking them up and pushing them to move into action, to fulfill their life purpose. Violets know they are here to do something significant. However, they aren't always sure what that something is or how to accomplish it.

Many Violets were taught as children that their dreams and aspirations were unrealistic, so they have lost touch with their original visions. It's important for Violets to reconnect with their life purpose and vision, and to take action. Otherwise they will always feel unfulfilled. They will always sense something is missing from their lives. Violets need to learn to slow down long enough to listen to their inner voice and to connect with their higher vision.

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Crystal

Crystal is a rare Life Color. Crystals have clear auras and are known as the "aura chameleons." Like chameleons, their auras will change colors to match those of the people they are connecting with at the time. They then take on the characteristics, behavior patterns, emotions and thoughts of that color.

Consequently, in power Crystals can get along quite well with almost anyone. Yellows , for example, feels they can relate to Crystals who, when they are with them, act and think like Yellows . Later, when the same Crystals spend time with Sensitive Tans, the Tans can feel as if they have found kindred spirits.

However, the Crystals' inconsistencies can also confuse people. One minute Crystals think and behave like Greens . A short while later, they can act like Blues . The more they connect and bond with others, the more their personalities change.

Because Crystals tend to absorb the colors of other people's auras, people can, at times, feel an energy drain when they are in the presence of Crystals. In power, Crystals can be a clear conduit or channel for healing energy. Being natural healers, the Crystals' gift is to help their clients clear blockages, thereby enabling the clients' own natural healing processes to take place.

While healing, balanced Crystals are able to keep their thoughts and emotions out of the way, making the healing more pure. Crystals do not always understand their healing abilities. It can often frighten and confuse them or cause them to feel overwhelmed. These rare souls are often physically fragile and delicate.

Because of their unusual sensitivity, they can only heal one person at a time. They then need to go to a peaceful place to cleanse their aura. Working with too many people can short-circuit their system.

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Green

Greens are some of the most powerful and intelligent people in the aura spectrum. Greens are extremely bright. They process information and ideas quickly; jumping from steps one to ten. They do not like dealing with all the steps and details in between.

A project that is too detailed is tedious and boring for Greens . They prefer to develop an idea, organize a plan, and then delegate someone else to take care of the details.

Greens are very drawn to money, power, and business. These quick-thinkers are very organized and efficient. They write lists and efficiently check off the items on the list as they are completed. Greens recognize patterns and discover solutions very quickly.

When Greens are in their power, they can accomplish anything. They love to set goals and are determined to achieve them. Greens are “movers and shakers” when it comes to taking action. They are also typically the workaholics on the planet.

Greens are highly competitive and enjoy challenges. They thrive on taking risks. Gambling is common for Greens , especially if there is a potential for large winnings.

Being strong-willed, these powerful personalities are determined to have their own way, which they usually feel is the right way. A person is rarely able to win an argument with Greens.

Begin again.

In 33 days 2012 will no longer exist.

I am DONE with 2012.  In fact, I'm so done that I'm not going to wait even a single day or minute longer.  I made the decision for myself on sunday night that monday when I woke up, I would come "back to life."  I would not look back.

I would change my mind.  I would change my thoughts.

You see, I spent most of this year dying.  Really.  When I say most of this year, I mean most of it.  And when I say dying, I mean dying.

This was the year of loss.  The year of impossible goodbyes.  I will always remember that about 2012.  The year that changed my entire life, down to my very insides.  Literally, figuratively.  All senses shifted this year.

Some of it I've poured out to you here.  Sometimes I wore it, and many people saw it.  There was public knowledge loss.  There was other loss, too.  Some of it a small number of people knew, I could count the number on two hands.  And some of it nobody knows.  Nobody but a soul or two.  Some loss I was able to release, and some I had to sew secretly into myself.  And secretly process and secretly live with.  Every day.  All day.  If you're reading this, you know a lot.  But there's also a lot you'll never know.  Just know that there are times when I was, and am, amazed I'm still standing.

I went to very dark places.  I didn't know I had them in me.
I almost lost myself to grief.  I survived.

Survival is nothing short of miraculous.

At times I experienced great joy and healing.  I had some of my favorite and most important adventures, and life experiences.

Yesterday was six months since my Chuck left.  Who knew that the half year mark would also be 17 days since my Grandfather left.

From here on out I march on with the intent of living, of forward, of creation.  It is time for addition.  For filling up life, seeing, doing, feeling, experiencing.

That's my promise to you.  To me.

"You are responsible for your own happiness."

I choose to end differently than where I started.

A million lifetimes can happen in 365 days.  It can change everything about the person you are, and what you thought was true.  I have seen opposite ends of the spectrum, and every possibility in between.  There is nothing that can scare me ever again.

I came out on the other end triumphant.  I refused defeat.