I was recently asked to write something for my husband's cousin to read the morning of her wedding. The ladies in the family compiled notes and advice for her to have as she got ready. I chose to do a simple top ten.
1.)Patience is so important. Gently remind yourself of this from time to time, and continue to grow it.
2.)Remember that you are on the same team, and try to put yourselves in each others shoes.
3.)Listen.
4.)Focus on what’s good. About your partner, and about the relationship. Say it out loud. Tell one another what it is you love, what they excel at, what you notice.
5.)Surprise each other. From a flower, to a favorite candy, to a loving note, to a chore.
6.)Speak up if something is bothering you. Don’t let feelings fester. Don’t try to guess. Just tell the truth, don’t hide your feelings, and talk it out. All feelings inside each of you are valid and should be heard.
7.)Learn each other’s love languages. What is most important to you? To your spouse? Words? Actions? Touch? Read about the five love languages and know yours and your partners. Make the effort to communicate to each other in these ways whenever you can.
8.)Make your home a safe space. Take pride in the place you call home. It doesn’t matter how big or small or decorated or bare. "Home" is made by the people in it, anyway. Speak well of it, keep it clean, and make it a place you want to be.
9.)Don’t let pride or ego stand in the way when it comes to arguing. Don’t keep score. Don’t be the one who has to win for the sake of winning. Don’t let nonsense and trivial issues get in your way.
10. )Focus on the moment. Time goes quickly. Be careful you don’t give too much of yourself to either the past or future. There is only right now. Life together will go faster then you think. Be fully present as often as possible. Savor each phase you’ll have as a couple. Your relationship will grow, change, and be many things throughout your lives together. Be open to your journey, and to growing together.
~ DM
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