Showing posts with label sun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sun. Show all posts

Mar 29, 2020

Mask



I am walking, and I find that I am smiling...for some reason. I think it is just being outside, in the sun, breathing in fresh air. It invigorates.

I think about the mask workshop I took in NYC, and how there was a woman in the class who was always smiling. "No one is that happy", I thought to myself.

I've been thinking about that workshop lately. It was 2012, and that was the first time I died.

My grandpa had just passed away, I couldn't get home fast enough. I wanted to crawl out of my skin.

I picture myself in front of the class, both hidden and exposed by the wearing of this mask, trying my hardest to send out my heart. My energy, right from that spot smack in the center of my chest, out and over the sea, to a loved one who had just left, as the assignment required.

Stretching. Expansion.

I look up as I walk, I'm always looking up, to see what's above, what messages are in the sky. My constant, to remind me that life is still big.

I think about the time I stood on a Hawaiian beach, observing a father teaching his toddler how to surf, my writing of this observation, and the realization that there are so many ways in which to live life, and parent a child. This child of the waves teaching me a lesson in expansion in that instant.

It has never left me.

There is a new corner of the world, just every few miles.

Endless possibility at our feet.

I keep walking.

.
.
.
.

May 20, 2015

Dear Hawaii...

Fourteen years ago I spent a few weeks in Hawaii. It changed my life. I'd forgotten the impact as the years went by. I just got back from my second trip there. A gift for my husbands graduation. I can't stop dreaming about the ocean. I felt like I was in / on the water for days after. I can still smell the air.

I forgot what that place does to me. Two moments in particular my heart swelled, seizing me. I was so open. So present. So filled with our essence of love and happiness. I thought I would truly burst.

Hawaii is magic. Filled with simplicity, purity, and healing. It healed me in ways I didn't even know I needed to be healed. It teaches me. I bring back knowledge and new happiness each time. I am gently reminded of the essentials I've forgotten.


This time:

There are so very many ways to
Raise a child
Find what home is

There is no wrong way to have a life
Be it in a desert
On the sea
In any country

The world is wide
and small
we are all connected
you are me, I am you

Slow down
Stop and think
Take your time
Notice
Just be
Be present
Reconnect
Get out of your element
Find your element somewhere new
Put yourself in different weather
In new air
Breathe it in
Breathe

I will hold out
I will not be made small, by myself or others
I will make the scale bigger
I will not be scared
I will remember that I can trust the journey

I wasn't ready to say goodbye.

"Sometimes you just can't take one last look, and feel satisfied to leave. Not ready to come home. Not even a little bit. I was in Hawaii only one other time, 14 years ago, and I remember feeling exactly the same. There are moments here where your heart is just so completely wide open, and then it's a little bit broken at the goodbye."
-5.14.2015



Feb 14, 2013

Sun pierced

When the sun peeks through and lasts the day
When it's finally too warm for my mittens
And I feel the slightest bit of sweat under my coat on the back of my neck
It begins to feel as though spring really will come,
And I will once again believe even though
I forget the miracle each and every year

Two oppositions being to stir in me.
I feel both claustrophobia, trapped by my physicality and yet
I remember I am limitless

I long to shapeshift, to leave my human form

In spring I can reset myself
My youth encompasses me
And I am freed

When you are meant to be everyone
and do everything,

nothing is ever enough