First Kiss

Last night we went to a huge art show downtown. We were invited by a friend of my mom & aunts. She painted my pup, Noodles! We were so excited to see the painting in person and have a fun night of food and art. My sweetheart, who'd been so excited to come ended up having a film shoot, so I went with my parents. When I saw huge art show, I mean huge. Several floors, I don't even know how many artists, a ton of food and hundreds of people.

I figured I was bound to run into people I know but it never crossed my mind that I would know another artist there. Especially one who was my first kiss.

It had been a very very very long time since I'd seen him. While we are facebook friends, it's another thing to bump into each other face to face. I had to go say hello.

We ended up chatting a bit. Asking about old mutual friends, careers, significant others. He's also married, with a couple kids who are already 3 and 5. So crazy, surreal and funny.

What I took away from this was:
-How long it had been and how much older we are, though I hate to be so aware of that.
-How tastes change. While he's an attractive man, I'd never look twice at him if he passed me on the street now.
I think it was the circumstances and knowing him to be, in my young girl mind, a "big deal".
-How everything changes yet stays the same.

I ended up going into a happy nostalgic mode for the rest of the night. Coming home and telling my sweetheart all about running into my "first kiss". How it only happened once, he never really liked me. He always had other girlfriends and I pinned away for a good while. How I think of it now as somewhat cute, embarrassing (I'm pretty sure it was the worlds WORST kiss...I had absolutely no clue what I was doing and probably scared him away. In fact, I wanted to apologize!) and really not that big of a deal.

If you think about it, it's kinda cool I got to kiss what was my "dream boy" at the time. Even if it was a terrible kiss?

What's your first kiss story?

As far as the rest of the art show, by the time we came back around to see Noodles painting on our way out, (we had only been there an hour and a half) he was gone! Sold! Someone said he reminded them of their dog and bought it! Ha ha ha! My pup is so famous. He's on someone's living room wall today. I'm such a proud mama!

THE BEFORE


THE AFTERMATH




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Thanks for reading xo

Born in the 80's, child of the 90's

I'm always surprised when I meet people born in the early/mid 80's that claim to identify with the 80's. The movies, the music, the clothes, etc. I was born then and I can tell you for a fact, I was simply too little to remember. I wasn't watching all the now infamous John Cusack and Molly Ringwald movies. In fact, I still haven't seen them. I was watching sesame street and playing with barbies through most of the 80's. You'd have to be a pre-teen/teenager to have truly been impacted by 80's pop culture.

I consider myself a child of the 90's. That's what I remember. Watching the Super Mario Brothers cartoon in the afternoon. Friday was Zelda day, and I've got almost every Zelda episode on VHS. No VCR to play them on, but that is like gold to me!






Growing up a little more and starting to take notice of clothes and music. Nirvana still gets me on the radio.



I must say I secretly dig it when there's a surge of grunge influenced style again.



Doc Martens. Ohhhhh Doc Martens.
I had the coolest pink suede pair you've ever seen in your life. In fact, I think they're still in storage. I need to find them.




Clueless. Now that's a movie to be remembered as a young, impressionable girl. That movie made me quit the Doc's for heels. Heels I secretly bought and hid and wasn't even allowed to wear yet.




I can remember certain classes at school, my wardrobe, my friends, the boys I liked...like it was yesterday.


Ahhhhh the 90's. I will always think of them fondly! :)

I'm not your woman!

Ladies,

What do you like to be called? I've learned I have a strong response to what I am referred to: woman, chick, lady, girl, female, ma'am. Each one is a VERY different response.

There are SO many customer service people (guys) out there who mistakenly think that they should be calling all ladies they help at the store ma'am. Note to you: Do NOT call anyone ma'am who looks like they could be under the age of, oh I dunno...SIXTY! When in doubt?! DON'T!

I don't like to be referred to as a female unless it's on a form to identify my sex. It's so clinical. Or in the way the rap guys do it in their lyrics. It just makes me think of a dog/cat.

I don't like to be called woman unless my husband says it. It sounds old. But when he says it, it sounds hot.

I will take lady if it's coming from another lady. It sounds girlie and fun. Coming from a dude it sounds like you're referring to Betty White.

I prefer chick and girl.

Girl / Boy is what we're raised with and used to and sticks.
Sturdy. Black and white. Accepted and learned since day one.




But for me, Chick is safe and my favorite. Girl or guy can use it. It's all encompassing while not offending. And cute.

I know other ladies will vary in what they like to be called. I think many will disagree with what I feel about woman & chick. But this is what I dig and I'm sticking to it! :)

50 years of love!

50 years of love! That's FIVE DECADES, people! Can you imagine...?
Really imagine?!

Last night was my sweethearts parents 50th anniversary party. It was so nice. It was calm, elegant, special. There were moments during the 16 minute video he made for them that I got teary. I was there the night he filmed them answering questions like, "where did you meet? What was your song? Who was in the wedding party? Name eachothers favorite movie. Milestones? Advice?" But to see it cut together with music and PICTURES! Oh, the pictures.

I have been with my sweetheart for five years. The longest either of us have been with anyone. It's gone by so fast to me. Is that how they feel at 50 years? It's crazy to look at the photos and see them through five decades, changing with the times and changing with age. What does that feel like? To age together? To be completely different people now, at least to the outside.

It must feel like a disguise. That's how I imagine I will feel. It's me, it's still me in there...and if anyone only knew. The life I had, everything that had ever happened to me to make me me. I imagine it will be freeing. Still wanting to look good and take care of yourself, but not in the same way or the same "pressures" as now. You're relieved of that. What's it like to look at the face of your sweetheart and remember what it was like when you first met? When you were only in your first five years together? And what it was like to be young...and wasn't he so handsome and wasn't she so beautiful...? Will he still find me beautiful? Maybe more so.

What does it feel like for all that time to pass? To know the majority of your life together and your life in general is done? Is it peaceful? Is it stressful? Not wanting it to end? Scared of how little time, really, is left? Do you make peace? Feel contented your life was what it was, good and bad? It ends someday. It hit me in a different way last night. This all ends. Not in a sad or scary way. Kinda beautiful. Kinda cool.

Made me think what a magical time our 'earth time' must be. And how cool it is that if you're really lucky, you find your person to partner up with for it all...

* * * * * * *

Myself, mama & papa


Loves


A handsome son & papa!


<3 <3 <3

Say it with conviction!

You know how you always hear that confidence is the most attractive quality? Or that anyone can be attractive if they have confidence? I think I am learning what that means.

If someone says something with conviction, completely and honestly owning their worlds, then that's that. They don't waver, you don't doubt them. This goes for anyone and everyone.

Lately I've been in a phase of questioning everything. Everyone else, their words, their beliefs, their perception of life, relationships, events, the way they see things, their reality.

If this quote is true, and I whole heartedly believe it to be:
"Nothing exists but atoms & empty space. Everything else is opinion."

Then how do we ever know what's real? You hear someone tell you a truth, with great conviction (confidence) but this is only THEIR perception. What if everything we've believed, been taught by someone with that ability, that confidence, is wrong? It's their reality, but is it ours? Is it mine?

Just because someone passionately believes one thing doesn't mean you need too. Maybe it's not your reality.

But how do you successfully and calmly live in your reality and not feel argumentative and disgruntled all the time?

This, folks, is what goes through my mind through the day at the strangest of times.

I'm in the wrong profession. I should have been a student of psychology & science! :)

Knocked Up

Just found out another friend is knocked up.
She makes the EIGHT to either get preg/have a baby THIS YEAR.
How does this keep happening?! I mean, I know HOW...but HOW?!
How is everyone growing up and making such adult decisions?
That's a lot of preggos at once!
I still feel like I'm a baby!

I think the pic above is based on my life.

I miss being an asshole.

Last night in the midst of Zumba, the words "I miss being an asshole" literally went through my head. You know how as people "grow up" (I hate saying get OLDER) they tell you "I would never want to be young again, I would much rather know what I know now"? I kept waiting for the day that would happen. That I would know what that meant, and start saying it too. You know what? That day still hasn't come. I don't think it's gonna.

In fact, I quite think the opposite. IGNORANCE IS BLISS.

When I was in high school I led a big gaggle of beautiful girls. We thought we were the shiiiiiiiit. I thought the world revolved around me. I thought I was the most beautiful and talented girl to walk the earth and I had an unshakeable confidence. I literally thought I ruled the world. I knew nothing, and I was a complete asshole. I was spoiled and selfish, but young so I forgive myself. A little. :)

*Now before you freak out, remember this was a whole life time ago. Before I moved to NYC and learned to be humble. Learned that I was one of many fish in the sea. Now I don't even like to talk about myself or what I do when I meet someone for fear I'll sound like an asshole. I'm working on my happy medium.

As you "grow up" you're supposed to let go of caring about what may or may not be considered superficial or trivial things. You are supposed to gain even more confidence.

My first year out of high school I volunteered at the YWCA for a college class, I helped take care of little babies. Most of the ladies helping were older. Probably late 60's early 70's. One of them told me, and I'll never forget this, that she and women her age are supposed to be in their Golden Years but that's not true. Everything hurts, things that took a minute now take ten, etc. And even back then I knew that this must be true.

Who doesn't want to be forever young?

As I grow up I find myself becoming more sensitive. More cautious. I think you realize that everything is precious. You stop taking things for granted. You can have a heart break. You can lose a friend. You can get hurt. You are only human. You're not untouchable. You find your sweetheart and you care about someone besides yourself. I'm still confident but in a different way. I am aware feelings get hurt. I now know all to well that everyone is someones loved one. I am aware that youth is not forever and want to do it all and suck it all up until I no longer can...and then maybe *gulp* I'll even begin to fathom/consider what it would be like to be somebody's mom.

Anyway, last night at zumba there was a gaggle of young girls probably high school seniors, right up front and center loudly laughing and joking and busting a move and having the time of their lives and being terribly annoying and I thought to myself, "wow...that was me!" And that's when it hit me. "I miss being an asshole." Not that I actually and truly want to be now. I just miss the time before I was an "adult" (which, I guess I am - I still don't feel it) when I lived in a complete state of carefree. It was just me, just my girls, and we ruled the world.

You know what I mean...?

On the other hand...today was the first time I've ever gone to a dentist appointment all by myself. It had been waaaayyy to long since I'd last been and it wasn't nearly as bad as I'd remembered. Not even a little. I'm feeling quite proud of myself at the moment. So maybe it pays to grow up...a little.

Deena Marie xo

AMF & Wonder Woman!

I like to say the name AMF.
Because the first thing I think of is the drink, NOT Arts Meets Fashion. But that just so happens to be what I'm talking about.

When it rains it pours! I was asked to model for Hair Wars, the Blue Boutique fashion show and for one of the AMF designers. On the SAME NIGHT! I wish I could do them all! I chose to walk the runway for McKell Maddox, who was just on the last season of Project Runway. I have learned I'll be in a vintage swimsuit. Click the pic for the info. Be there or be square.




If you read my last post, here's an update. David E. Kelley hasn't called me (yet ;) ) but I'm going to be Wonder Women on the cover of the Halloween "IN" Magazine issue. The shoot is monday. I'll just have to send him the link!

I had two shoos last week, with Matt Spencer photography and Aspen McKenna. We did a LIPS series and I love how they turned out. Look it up on mine and / or their facebooks. The other was with Todd Collins. Old Hollywood Movie shoot with myself and sweetheart. Again, love them. Love anytime I can get my sweetheart to shoot with me!

This is week #3 of Zumba. I seriously NEVER thought I'd LIKE working out. From my first class I've been obsessed. I have found my two favorite places and instructors and will be buying my annual pass. Four times this week! I'm building up my endurance already, I don't need water after each song and I don't sweat like I did in the beginning. Time to kick it up a notch, I guess! I wish the classes were an hour and a half rather than an hour. It goes by SO fast. When it's done I am so pumped and wanting more. I've decided one day when I retire from all things acting and modeling I will totally learn to teach it.

Tomorrow night marks the beginning of Halloween parties and events! Costume for the first party? Sookie from True Blood. Bring it on!

Something else you need to look up on facebook asap, is this:
Different = Amazing.
There's a facebook group and event. One night only on November 14, 2010 at Rose Wagner. Very important benefit inspired by the recent teen suicides and It Get's Better. GET INVOLVED. Spread the word!

I love October.

I didn't realize it had been over a YEAR since my last Jack & Coke lady episode! So here you go. LONG overdue:



Tweet me: http://twitter.com/DeenaMarie

David E. Kelley, CALL ME!

This amazing photoshopped pic came to me today as an awesome surprise, thanks to Brandt Kofton



So word on the street (last night's Access Hollywood) is that David E. Kelley is making a new Wonder Woman series. I will admit right now, I really know nothing about her. But what actress doesn't want to play a superhero? David, if you're reading this, let's talk, I'm your girl.

Today was my second Zumba class ever. I went for the first time last friday and I think I might be a little obsessed. I want to Zumba all day! I can't wait to go again. And again. And again.

It's almost Halloween. We're going as Bill & Sookie from True Blood, of course.

There are lots of events and parties and shoots and things happening through October.

Hair Wars Oct. 16 I'm walking to runway as a Vampire. Wonder what my hair will look like? Voodoo Darlings Burlesque Halloween show Oct. 22. I am the opening act so don't be late. Info all over FB.
Two photo shoots this week. That's what I can remember w/o my sched in front of me.

I made you a video on the most unfortunate product names ever.
It's quite hilarious if I do say so myself. I mean, chips called JussiPussi? Yeah.



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The Dentist drama. I lived to blog about it.

Before (top) & after (bottom)
Difference is subtle but seriously amazing and even better than what I'd hoped!



So. I've had a teeny tiny chip in one of my front teeth for years. I don't know when or how I got it, it's just always been there. I didn't think too much about it. At one point, ten years ago, I had it filled. I was told it would fall out eventually and I'd have to keep getting it filled. Before I knew it, a decade had gone by and of course at some point it had fallen out. Who knows when or how. Around the time I had it filled, my dentist at the time mentioned how my gums come down a little too low on the teeth on either side of my two front teeth. He said we could raise it up but that scared me and I never thought about it again. My chip & my gums were never that big of a deal to me.

The last few years is when I started to do more photo shoots and see myself on film more than I ever had...and that's when I started to notice both. It looked like one tooth was longer than the other. It looked like the two with the low gums were almost circular shaped and made my overall smile look a little uneven. I decided to look into, gulp, laser gum contouring. The idea really freaked me out, and grossed me out, but I found a dentist with a good rep in town and went in for a consultation. He told me my bone was in the way, we'd never be able to raise my gums high enough to look how I want, how he would recommend veneers. This would also require a surgery from a periodontist to REMOVE BONE. Um...how about NO! He kept trying to sell me on it (no, really SELL $$$$ me on it) and told me even if we just fixed the gums it would only take me 25% to the look I wanted and I'd need those veneers.

HOLD UP. I paid my dues, braces when I was 12, I have basically good teeth, I do like my smile. I don't want to bust it all out and get veneers. Maybe some day in the FAR off future but not now. Again, $$$$ and BONE SURGERY?! No way, jose. I left feeling so dejected, that I'd never get my teeth fixed up. In fact I may or may not have cried a little. But then I started to get mad. I clearly don't need all that nonsense. He tried to swindle me!

So I got a second opinion. This guy did bring up veneers in the consultation but flat out told me how pricey it was and that laser gum and shaving/contouring the bottoms of my teeth (rather than filling in a chip that would always fall out) would definitely buy me time. That we could make them appear longer, raise them up, make them look better. So I went with the new guy. I just got home from getting all the dental work. Shaving, contouring, laser gum. Easy. Scary as hell, but much easier than I thought. And guess what? It turned out even BETTER than I thought it could. I love it. He did a fantastic job! Moral of the story, if you know what you want, DON'T let someone talk you into something else. And ALWAYS get a second opinion!!! The dentist ain't so bad, folks!

I AM: 50 things challenge

Just uploaded a new video to my main channel.

Yes, this video is very different than my comedic parodies you're used to!

Had a new idea & wanted to try it out. I came up with this idea, at first, from putting myself out there on the internet and being known to my viewers as only a youtuber or comedian. In my "real life" I'm known as a dramatic actress and a model in various circles of friends and those that I work with. I don't consider myself only ONE of these things. I want all my worlds to know that I'm more than just one thing...I'm FIFTY different things. Then I realized, this doesn't stop at just youtubers, or entertainers. It's EVERYONE! We are all real people with feelings and lives and families. We often forget that about each other and therefore treat one another poorly...or unequal. One person is not better than another. When you talk badly to someone/about someone, that person is someones daughter, son, wife, husband, mom, dad, etc. How would you like any of your friends or family to be treated poorly? I challenge you to make your video response to my video! Doesn't have to be fancy, do it however you like. Spread the word! Get your family & friends in on it! It's about what we ARE (not what we're NOT, only POSITIVITY here) and WHO we are. Get to it!



Thanks for watching & don't forget to subscribe!

What makeup can do

Crazy how makeup and hair can transform a person, isn't it!
Made up last night, lounging today. A girl must have it both ways!

Booze, Lions & Elephants...oh my

Boy have I bounced back with a vengeance! Now that my face is back to normal (see last blog) I've been trying to have the summer adventures I didn't have. Even if it is September. Being busy all summer was awesome, but now I need my play time.

Dinner with some of our favorite friends and my favorite peach beer.

Taking my sweetheart on a date in Park City to thank him for taking care of me while I was sick at this sushi place (he loves sushi, but we all know "if it comes from the sea it ain't going in me") that has the best cucumber salad and teriyaki chicken. Going to three bars after. I don't condone irresponsible drinking kids, but...I was proud. I never party like I did in my NYC days but I gotta brag for a second and say I've still got it. 7 delicious beverages. Saketini, pomegranate martini, vodka tonic, vodka tonic, stella, long island, stella.

Lion King. The first musical I ever saw on Broadway a zillion years ago. A delicious dinner and martini. Or two. Just two!

The Zoo! I met the new baby girl elephant, Zuri! I planned all along that she'd becoming home with me...somehow. It didn't happen, but boy am I glad I got to see her. I watched her for a long time. What a clumsy baby. I just wanted to pet and hug her. The Zoo is a pain in the ass. Strollers everywhere, people stopping suddenly in the middle of the sidewalk. Kids pushing. Too much yelling even in the "keep quiet" rooms. Ladies changing baby diapers on the tables where people eat. No wonder I hadn't been there in 10 years! It was nice to go though, loving animals as much as I do. The orangutang's and the tiger were my other fav's.

What other adventures will this free time hold?

All I know is more, please!

What happened

If you follow my blog you may have read a few entries back that I was getting surgery. I did, at the beginning of August and everything was fine. I felt fine. I was up and about, went out of town for a couple of days to perform, it went great. Came home, rehearsed for another project (a one time only performance on August 29th at SLAC) and was ready and excited to perform. Saturday night comes and we're sitting on the couch watching a movie when I start to feel some pain and swelling. I ice it and go to bed thinking it will be gone come morning. I wake up the morning of the performance and the right side of my face is really swollen. I'm in pain from the top of my cheek into my jawbone and neck. My right lymph node is sore and huge. My whole face on that side is sore to the touch. I can't even move the right side of my mouth. My sweetheart calls my Dr. and he calls in antibiotics, he calls the theatre, they call in an actress to replace me.

Missing a performance? Worst. Feeling. Ever. Normally I'd be in tears over it but right now I'm much more concerned that my face can't move and is twice the size as it should be. Panicked.

I spent all of sunday completely out of it. Exhausted, delirious and swollen. When I woke up yesterday the swelling was down a little. I went into the Dr. and he said it's unusual to get an infection at this point. He looks inside my mouth and finds an incision that is not fully closed. It's still red and that's where this infection most likely snuck in. I'm told to stay on my antibiotics, keep rinsing with mouth wash and it should be gone in 7 days. My Dr. is amazing, he takes a lot of time, he knows what I do for a living, he is having me come in next week again unless I need to see him sooner and said he'd even come to me.

*If you have a surgery inside your mouth take such good care of it, don't push it. Baby yourself even more than they say. I really didn't think I pushed anything too soon, I will never understand how this happened. :(

So. Here I am, day three.

Swelling is down again but still not completely. I have a little more energy, as in I don't feel like I'm going to pass out if I walk down the stairs. I still can't move that side of my mouth all the way. It's been painful to chew so I can barely eat right now. The antibiotics are definitely working, but of course I want it to heal me instantly.

There was a meeting I was supposed to be at tonight having to do with the next play I'm in, next Jan/Feb that I can't be at. I feel terrible missing everything. I will always try to push through. My career is SO important to me. Almost the MOST important. I hate this, I'm so frustrated. It makes me feel so guilty. It's my fault, I'm messing up plans. I always worry that people won't believe me, because when someone gives me an excuse at the last minute I get pissed off and I think they're lying. Maybe now I'll be more sympathetic. I never saw this coming.

I have a hard time saying no. I always tell myself I'm going to start. I need to remember right now that I need to put myself first. But instead I find myself feeling almost sick over the fact that I am bailing on people.

This swollen, unable to move my face infection scared the living crap out of me. Even though it's improving every day, it's still scary. If I can't move my face...I can't act. I cant model. I have a photo shoot friday and two more in September.

So that's what's going on. I didn't really want anyone to know...but because I'm so worried about everything, I decided I did want people to know.

On the bright side...my sweetheart is amazing. He takes unbelievable care of me when I'm sick and look like a monster.

Thanks for all the well wishes on FB and Twitter!

Hopefully I'll be up and at 'em again by the end of the week, fingers crossed!

Deena Marie

Bored at home, sick, stuck in bed