What happened

If you follow my blog you may have read a few entries back that I was getting surgery. I did, at the beginning of August and everything was fine. I felt fine. I was up and about, went out of town for a couple of days to perform, it went great. Came home, rehearsed for another project (a one time only performance on August 29th at SLAC) and was ready and excited to perform. Saturday night comes and we're sitting on the couch watching a movie when I start to feel some pain and swelling. I ice it and go to bed thinking it will be gone come morning. I wake up the morning of the performance and the right side of my face is really swollen. I'm in pain from the top of my cheek into my jawbone and neck. My right lymph node is sore and huge. My whole face on that side is sore to the touch. I can't even move the right side of my mouth. My sweetheart calls my Dr. and he calls in antibiotics, he calls the theatre, they call in an actress to replace me.

Missing a performance? Worst. Feeling. Ever. Normally I'd be in tears over it but right now I'm much more concerned that my face can't move and is twice the size as it should be. Panicked.

I spent all of sunday completely out of it. Exhausted, delirious and swollen. When I woke up yesterday the swelling was down a little. I went into the Dr. and he said it's unusual to get an infection at this point. He looks inside my mouth and finds an incision that is not fully closed. It's still red and that's where this infection most likely snuck in. I'm told to stay on my antibiotics, keep rinsing with mouth wash and it should be gone in 7 days. My Dr. is amazing, he takes a lot of time, he knows what I do for a living, he is having me come in next week again unless I need to see him sooner and said he'd even come to me.

*If you have a surgery inside your mouth take such good care of it, don't push it. Baby yourself even more than they say. I really didn't think I pushed anything too soon, I will never understand how this happened. :(

So. Here I am, day three.

Swelling is down again but still not completely. I have a little more energy, as in I don't feel like I'm going to pass out if I walk down the stairs. I still can't move that side of my mouth all the way. It's been painful to chew so I can barely eat right now. The antibiotics are definitely working, but of course I want it to heal me instantly.

There was a meeting I was supposed to be at tonight having to do with the next play I'm in, next Jan/Feb that I can't be at. I feel terrible missing everything. I will always try to push through. My career is SO important to me. Almost the MOST important. I hate this, I'm so frustrated. It makes me feel so guilty. It's my fault, I'm messing up plans. I always worry that people won't believe me, because when someone gives me an excuse at the last minute I get pissed off and I think they're lying. Maybe now I'll be more sympathetic. I never saw this coming.

I have a hard time saying no. I always tell myself I'm going to start. I need to remember right now that I need to put myself first. But instead I find myself feeling almost sick over the fact that I am bailing on people.

This swollen, unable to move my face infection scared the living crap out of me. Even though it's improving every day, it's still scary. If I can't move my face...I can't act. I cant model. I have a photo shoot friday and two more in September.

So that's what's going on. I didn't really want anyone to know...but because I'm so worried about everything, I decided I did want people to know.

On the bright side...my sweetheart is amazing. He takes unbelievable care of me when I'm sick and look like a monster.

Thanks for all the well wishes on FB and Twitter!

Hopefully I'll be up and at 'em again by the end of the week, fingers crossed!

Deena Marie