ahhhhhhh

Have you ever wanted something so bad you can't stand it?

You can hardly sit still?

You are hoping for it with every fiber of your being?

Jumping out of your skin?

Feeling like you are laughing and crying at the same time?

I know I won't get any sleep tonight...

it has to happen sometime.

Please let it be now!

x

Land Before Time

Something amazing happened yesterday.

"The Land Before Time" came on the HBO Family channel and I watched it and was in love with it and pretty much cried through the whole thing. Then "The Land Before Time II" came on right after!!!! And then another and another! How many are there?!

Apparently (as I was just alerted on twitter by the fabulously funny @jimmyrabbitte) there are 13 AND two sing-a-longs!

I'm dying.

We got them all on tivo when we had to leave to go watch roller derby last night and after a long day of shooting for Ford today, what better to come home to than these spunky baby dinos?! There's pretty much one of every dino in the group and boy does adventure find them!

I'm learning so much, like how to conserve water, the importance of community, to be nice to everyone and to run from the sharp teeth.

Why is Little Foot so wise? And where does his beautiful singing voice come from? How can I make Ducky real and have her as a pet? She is the most precious thing I've ever seen! She repeats everything twice! Yes she does, yes she does! I know she'd get along great with Noodles! Why do they stay babies and never grow up? Why is that Petrie so tiny?

The lyrics to the songs are just as awesome, too. "When you were an egg you were a cutie but now you're a real beauty!"

I think if HBO Family was the only channel I could have I would be okay with that. Yes. I said that.

If you haven't seen these I suggest you find them. Now. And let me know if you also laugh, cry and get up and jump around when the songs come on. I'm telling you, it's edge of your seat, action - packed Suspense with a capitol S!

In the meantime, go familiarize yourself with these dinos here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_The_Land_Before_Time_characters

xoDM

Guess what?

These are my next two upcoming theatre roles.

If this isn't versatility I don't know what is! :)

More at deenamarie.biz

xo DM

What the fuck do you care? Yeah, I said FUCK!

Ok. So. The top picture is taken from my facebook page a couple of months ago. You'll see there is some man trying to tell me and my contacts what language is acceptable.

Hmmmm...I thought this was my own personal facebook? I thought there was a little something called freedom of speech? The other day, I checked one of my email addresses and saw "Pete" still hadn't let it go. This is an old email accounts that I don't even use or post for people to contact me anymore. Somehow "Pete" found it. If you can't read it, this is what he said:

"Would you cuss that way on Facebook if your own children were listening to it? You won't be talking to our grandchildren that way, on Facebook or anywhere else. I think you should grow up. You've got a lot of talent but you're wasting it. Think about it when you're a mother (I don't know if you are one yet). It's not just Facebook. You have a responsibility in a public domain and you should have a conscience considering children and families. Other than that this destruction of our connection wouldn't have been necessary. Good luck. God bless you in your future endeavors. Pete from Facebook.

No really. You can't make this shit up. Where to start?

Let's see, "Pete"...first of all, how do you "listen" on Facebook? Who's grandchildren are you fucking talking about? Hate to break it to you but if you're concerned about what they see on my page you should probably ban them from the internet all together!

I love that you think I should "grow up", because you know me oh so very well. Here's the thing, the beauty of creating an online personality is that you only show what you want.

You don't know me. You know characters.

My private life is something only my real life close friends and family get to be a part of. Hate to burst that fucking bubble.

So I've got a lot of talent and I'm wasting it. Gee Petey, last time I checked I was pretty fucking busy 24/7 working as a professional actress, finishing up various theatre gis, booking two more, one of which is a world premiere, just getting back into town from a high profile runway event where I was one of six models, churning out videos like a mother fucker, coreographing two routines for the troupe I dance with, scheduling upcoming photo shoots, juggling film projects, traveling and wishing I had time to work on the other 100 projects swirling around in my head...shall I go on or do you get it honey? Am I wasting time because I'm not a movie star? By all means, go ahead and wave your magic wand.

No dear, not a mother. I'm fucking young. Because I live where I live and all you think of is the stereotype of girls getting married right out of high school and churning out babies does NOT mean I'm one of them. Open your mind, I'm too busy with a fucking career.

Another thing that might blow your fucking mind...ready for this?

I do not have a responsibility because I'm in a public domain in any way shape or form.

I can do whatever the fuck I want here and if you don't like it you don't need to be a part of it. Real easy, isn't it? Did I set out to be a squeaky clean role model? FUCK NO. Never did I claim it, never would I want that. If I'm so offensive to you, your family and your children JUST DON'T WATCH. The minute I start to censor myself and worry what people think is the minute this is all for nothing. I don't roll that way. Never have, never will. You can't please everyone. What a waste to live your life that way.

I'm sorry I used foul language, dad. I mean Pete. Wait! Oh my god! I already have a father. In fact he's one of my Facebook contacts so you can just shut the fuck up.

I love that you think I'm such a badass. Little ole me, what with all the real creepers, porn, god knows what on the internet that you certainly don't want your grandkids seeing...I assume.

Yup. I'm soooooo bad.

Destruction of our connection?! WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU???? I blocked YOU, remember? And then you still emailed me. I don't know who you are, or anything about you. And guess what? Vice versa. God, Pete, get a fucking life. You're probably far too old to have your panties in a bunch and give such a shit.

Your message irks me. You know why? Because it shows you think women should pop out babies and set your idea of an "expample" by saying and doing the "right thing".

You don't have to agree with me and I don't have to agree with you...but I would NEVER think it was my place to tell someone I didn't know that they should behave the way I wanted them to.

IT'S CREEPY! YOU ARE CREEPY!

And just for the record? I swore in this blog approximately 14 times, just for you.

Cheers! Deena from facebook.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNJdEKe8ptM

"500 Days of Summer"...what it meant to me.

Yesterday we saw "500 Days of Summer".

I had high expectations and was enjoying it...but by the end I had no idea how much it would affect me. It was so important for me. I felt like I needed to see it. It answered questions, gave me closure and reminded me how lucky I am.

First of all, as far as my relationship experiences have gone, it was total role reversal. I was the Joseph Gordon Levitt character. I knew just what he felt like every step of the way. To be with someone so unattainable and so head over heels.

At the end of the movie, Zooey's characater (the quirky girl who doesn't want a commitment), ends up married to someone else. He says to her "how did the girl who didn't want a boyfriend end up someone's wife"? That hit me hard. That was my situation with a boy years ago in another state. I could not imagine him ever telling a girl that he loved her, let alone becoming a husband. And guess what he was right after we broke up?

I wondered for years how it happened. What was it that made him settle down? What made him propose? What made him choose her? What was it about me? I have never been able to wrap my head around it. I moved on, sure. But not having an answer always bothered me. I am the kind of person who needs to know why.

She tells him that she just knew.

She knew with this guy what she was unsure of with the other.

Oh. My. God. That's it. That's all and that's it.

You just meet the one that changes your life. The one that you can't imagine life without and there is nothing else to figure out. That simple. My years of wondering and analyzing were simplified and healed in that moment.

She goes on to talk about fate...which I absolutely believe in. She talks about the day she meets the man that will become her husband in a deli, "what if I had gone to the movies that day? What if I had come in ten minutes later?"

Again. Oh. My. God.

Here I am, sitting next to the love of my life. I squeeze his hand. I hold back my tears.

What if I hadn't come home from nyc to do the play where I met him? What if I hadn't called him back? What if?

The thing is...it is as it's meant to be. For me, for him. For the boy in my past.

I was reminded of the time when my heart was breaking and I thought I was going to die. I never thought I'd be able to get up off the couch and breathe again. I only wish I could have whispered to that girl that she would be okay. She would grow up to meet The One and be where she was supposed to be.

I wished this movie would have come out years ago! But again, for whatever reason, it was meant for me to see it yesterday. It had a hopeful ending. It was heartbreakingly beautiful, clever, funny and hopeful. It was perfect. I watched three teenage girls walk in to see it and wonder what they'll take away from it. What will anyone at any age and stage of relationship take away from it?

The amount of passion and love and attraction you can have for another human is pretty remarkable. It's always different depending on the chemistry of two people. As you grow and you experience more and can heal and look back on it...even the painful parts become beautiful, don't they?

xo Deena Marie

sneak peek "White Trash Glam"

Sunday, July 5 I filmed my third Ford Fiesta mission video. This month is style & design.

I was already booked on a shoot and asked if we could bring along the car for some shots and combine our projects.

The footage turned out great and I'm hoping to post it before the July 28 deadline, but I leave for NYC tomorrow through the rest of the week so we'll see.

The real pictures will be amazing, and in the meantime enjoy this sneek peak!

Their concept was "White Trash Glam": Married to the Mob meets My Name is Earl.

Styling / makeup: Amber Woody

Photographer: Doug Carter

Special thanks: Nikki (hair), Rebecca (model), Chad (assistant)

fiestamovement.com/agent32

youtube.com/BeanerLaRue

twitter.com/DeenaMarie

facebook.com/DeenaMarie

Clean it out, bitches!

At the risk of sounding like I have oodles of money and live a lavish life when I say I have a ton of clothes, the fact of the matter is, I have a ton of clothes.

I. Mean. A. Ton.

Two overflowing closets upstairs, a jam packed dresser in one room, multiple drawers stuffed in another, and then there's my "costume" closet in the garage.

The truth is, I just don't throw anything away. Stacy & Clinton would be upset that I have such "emotional attachment" to my clothing...I mean, I have stuff I wore in jr. freaking high. We're talking 9th grade, bitches.

It's just that I find every time I throw something out I want it again!

But lately I've been doing a lot of shopping. A. Lot. How can I do this? FOREVER 21. I'm in love. I'm obsessed. Everything is cheap and since I'm a fickle one I don't feel bad buying a new dress I might only wear twice. It was $20.

My poor husband, on the other hand, has to live with my clothes piles strewn about, my new purchases coming in & nothing going out...in fact the other day the bar the clothes hang on in one of the closets actually broke!

It was time to *gulp* clean them out.

So we did. Piles of clothes to get rid of. I couldn't have done it without him. His occasional "Ugly Betty would wear this". Or telling me that he was going to put a certain jacket away in the "costume closet" until I was going to "make that clown video" or "learn to flamenco dance". You have to know that this is all in good fun and had me laughing my ass off.

Can I just tell you how many designer jeans got the boot? I went through the phase three years ago or so where all my jeans had to be true religion, sevens, rock & republic, you name it I had it. And yes, I bough the $315 pair of Victori Beckhams. Now, I'm much more into tights and flowy dresses and tops. These jeans are out, if I want new ones I'll buy them later and probably not for that much money. A little silly, no?

I took them to a place that I won't mention (Platos Closet) and I certainly couldn't tell you the location (Draper, UT) to see what they could do for me. I've never sold clothes like this before but with impending traveling I could use some extra cash.

After they looked through my stuff and called me up, she could only offer me $109 for about 1/4 of what I'd brought in. I said sure...but as she was writing my check I started feeling anxiety over my Victoria Beckhams. I asked her how much they were paying for those alone.

Girl: $20

Me: WHAT?!

Girl: That's what we can offer for this designer.

Me: OMG! Then...I'll just hang on to these.

Girl: *WORLDS LOUDEST SIGH* Next time you need to tell me first before I write the check.

Me: *Silent but thinks how there won't be a next time*

Girl: *WORLDS LOUDEST SIGH AGAIN*

Oh and by the way? Her name was Shalese.

In the end, this was a very big step for me to clean out my closets. To realize I can survive it and it's a good thing to have more space. As much as I think I'll want something again...deep down I know it will just sit another three years and never get worn.

I lived through it. I can get rid of clothing.

But there is nothing wrong with emotional attachment...in small doses, right?

Just one teeny tiny pair of overpriced VB jeans tucked away that I just want to look at from time to time?

Baby steps.

And in another few years if I do sell again...I don't think I'll be going back to *WORLDS LOUDEST SIGH* Shalese.

xo Deena

Oh Joel!

Dear Joel McHale...

I think you're real dreamy. And I sure liked sitting on the fourth row when you did stand up. If I wasn't married...and you weren't married...and I somehow met you...and didn't come off like I was a creepy stalker? I'm pretty sure you'd totally dig me.

Thanks,

Deena

www.deenamarie.biz

Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson passed away yesterday.

I was sitting on my couch with my laptop and saw it on twitter pretty much right when the word was out. I saw Perez Hiltons twitter first, saying he'd gone into cardiac arrest. I spent the next hour or two looking online, where TMZ was first to break the news. Twitter was crazy with everyone reporting what they'd heard, learning the news, etc. Then I started seeing that reports went from "not looking good" to he had passed.

I felt so weird.

So weird. It was surreal. A few hours later I started reading various tweets and status updates where people didn't care, made jokes, said to "get priorities straight and forget the celeb and think of Iran", to stop pretending like you care when you weren't truly a fan.

First of all, whether you loved him or hated him, it's really gross to make a joke of death. The posts telling us to forget him and think of Iran? Way to soon. It had only been a matter of hours. It's not like a week's gone by and since you weren't a fan you're sick of the media coverage. Let his fans fucking grieve and deal with this! And the stop pretending like you care? Would people seriously mention it and feel sad over it if they didn't care?

It seems, of course, people are very divided. That not everyone out there realized that he still has a huge fanbase! I'm not going to play the pretentious game today that his celebrity pales to what really matters in the world and Iran. Somebody who influenced me since I was little is gone. This is a huge impact to me and many people I know.

Family members of mine in their 40's are mourning because they feel he was the icon of their generation, and strangely enough, I feel the same way. He was timeless. I remember first hearing him in my late elementary, early jr. high years, when my dad let me borrow a CD (that I never gave back & still have in my collection.)

In high school, every weekend my group of friends would go disco roller skating and they played plenty of old school MJ. We knew every song, we bought his videos (still have them on VHS), we tried to learn his dance moves...I had both female and male friends that were fantastic at it (Amber, McGarren) and I can't tell you how many times they'd take off skates, get out in the middle of the rink and wow everyone. I remember one of my aunts giving a pair of MJ autographed shoes to my high school best friend, Amber who was his greatest fan. She had an MJ doll and wanted to get an MJ tattoo when we were old enough. :)

I associate his music and his videos so much with high school.

I also remember being 15 years old and kissing a cute blonde boy I had a huge crush on at a dance to "Earth Song". When you're so young, discovering...everything is brand new and exciting.

I still list "Earth Song" as one of my favorite songs of all time.

As I got older and became a professional performer, I borrowed from him as I learned to really appreciate how fucking talented he was. I can't tell you how many times I've watched "Bad", "Beat It" and "Thriller" to steal a move here or there. Yes, I can do the thriller dance. Yes, I did a homage performance to him last August for Voodoo Darlings Burlesque to "Bad" (see above picture).

I can type this right now, today and honestly tell you I am a fan. I love his music, I own it all. I love love love his dancing. Nobody moves like him. He invented something new and different and beyond entertaining.

I learned a lot yesterday. There are so many opinions out there and that's great. I think that's extremely beautiful and interesting. We all take something a very different way. On the same token, let's be kind and respectful to each other with this. It's all hit us a different way. We may not understand why it has effected someone particularly hard. We may not understand what memories or personal experiences are associated to this person and this passing. I read a quote the other day that I think very much comes into play right now...

"Be kind, everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle".

I hope Michael is remembered for his talent.

He inspired us performers and impacted us very, very much. RIP.

xo Deena

fiestamovement - mission #2 - technology!

The moment you've all been waiting for will soon be here.

Ford Fiesta Mission #2 for Technology month, "The Sky's the Limit: pick items from skymall.com to use and review"!

Today I did just that. It's filmed and being edited as we speak.

Have you been wondering what I chose?

Want to see some on set sneak peek pictures?

Here you go!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/beanerlarue/sets/72157620029782332/

Video will be up soon! In the meantime,

check out my agent profile at

http://www.fiestamovement.com/agent32

And my latest videos at http://www.youtube.com/BeanerLaRue

xo Deena Marie

Pressies!

Guess what? 

Two of my ten items from SkyMall came today. Yup.  I said ten. 

Ten pressies for video making!

Thank you, fiestamovement! How can I ever thank you? 

Can you come over? 

I'll bake you cookies! Only...I don't bake.  So...I'll give you a beer? 

What a fun mission this "Technology" month will be.  I have a fabulous idea for the video once everything is here.  

All ideas / items will stay secret until the vid is up.  

In the meantime...just get excited!

weeeeeeee! AND check out the latest video on my YT channel: youtube.com/BeanerLaRue

it's pretty freaking amazing if I do say so myself!

fiestamovement.com/agent32

xo DM 

Fierce Bitches

Pic of the Jack & Coke Lady with the fabulous "IN" Magazine Staff!

Kettle One Kelly (Kelly Ashkettle) Appletini Amy (Amy Spencer) 

and Rum Ryan (Ryan Michael Painter)

It's official.  I.  Love.  Pride.  Can every weekend be Pride weekend? What a great vibe.  Everyone is happy and friendly and excited to be there...you can feel it in the air.  You can't not have a good time.  

I played the Jack & Coke Lady for two hours while my cameraman, "Murray", filmed.  I also realized how much I love improving with the public.  I want to do much more of that.  I gave advice, held competitions for who could chug in one take, met new friends, shopped & so much more.  IN mag staff was amazing.  They were all re-named in the typical J&C fashion and were so brilliant on camera & while playing along.  Love them.  

Get over to youtube.com/BeanerLaRue where the first of a two part video is now playing.  Pretty epic footage if I do say so myself.  After editing and uploading I really don't go back to watch my videos, but this one I've watched a handful of times.  Cracks me up every time. 

The night before was the 2 hour Voodoo Box (band) / Voodoo Darlings Show.  What a rush.  Did my 'nerd' number again and then got to go go dance on stage the rest of the night.  Huge stage outdoors, giant crowd,  gorgeous pictures up on my facebook!

xo DM

Nerd Alert

Pic from last night pre performance

Last night kicked off Pride weekend.  Voodoo Darlings performed at the Hilton downtown for a big fundraiser.  So.  Much.  Fun.  Despite a knee injury that required me to stay off of it nearly up until showtime, adrenaline kicked in and I had a blast! One of my favorite shows, for sure.  I wanted to mix things up, put on a show.  So I gave them a little storyline, a little humor.  Started off (to like a virgin) as a total nerd embarrassed to perform and chickening out at the beginning and by the end loving it w/hair down, glasses off, etc.  I made the most tips of the night! Weeee! Get to do it again tonight on a big outdoor stage following comedienne Paula Poundstone.  Can't wait. 

xo me 

PRIDE

Another "Infantry Monologues" pic... according to my Facebook friends, it's very Angelina in "Tomb Raider".  Bless you, friends. :)

I've never been to the Pride festival.  

Can you believe that? What's wrong with me? It's coming up this weekend.  Voodoo Darlings are performing friday and saturday night.  I have yet to coreograph my routine.  Haven't had a chance! I was asked to do my "Like a virgin" number again, but that was one routine I wasn't in love with...so I'm gonna do something brand new with it.  

Saturday is the parade itself and if I can get my ass up early that morning, I'll be marching with "IN" magazines float, and later hanging at their booth interacting and filming as, oh yes, the Jack & Coke Lady.

I'm feeling better today, as in I'm not going to spend the whole day in bed so I gotta get my shit together.  Lots to do, little time.  Remember when I thought after May was over it would be a lazy summer? Ha ha.  That was cute.  Gotta work out, pick my SkyMall items for Ford, maybe film a new video...Jan is just dying for video #4...byeeee!

xo me 

June 1...catching up

"Infantry Monologues" is closed.  

We had a very successful run, especially for a new theatre company.  To say I learned a lot along the way would be an understatement.  I've said before, I want all acting experiences.  So far, I've been very lucky in getting to do all the things I've wanted to do.  A one woman show is one of them.  This monologue ran just under 40 minutes.  40 freaking minutes of just me out there.  What a workout! It's like running a marathon!

A few things happened along the way of the rehearsal process and performances that made for bad energy and difficulty for me.  I learned a long time ago to "wipe your feet at the door".  This means you leave the drama outside, you do your job, and when you're done in the theatre you can go back to your life.  I have always done and always will do this...and this show solidified it times ten.  As hard as it was to be strong and focused I know now more than ever it doesn't matter what is happening, I get the fucking job done.  I can have a bad day, be upset, have cried all day, have just read an uneducated review, but it doesn't fucking matter.  

I'll be damned if anyone or anything dares to take away even an ounce of honor in my job.  

I put my blood sweat and tears into my work.  I fall off the face of the earth.  So you know what? It doesn't matter if someone doesn't like a moment or a choice, the next person will.  It doesn't matter if someone compares me to a past performance of mine, that's not healthy.  That was then, this is now and enjoy it or not but don't tell me to keep living up to or recreating something else.  That's not reality.  Don't compare my acting self to my youtube self.  Those are two completely separate entities of me.  Those two women don't even know each other.  I have been and will be an actress first and foremost.  It's all I dreamed of since high school.  I was the little girl who couldn't get outta town  and get to NYC fast enough.  I ate, slept and breathed acting...especially theatre.  Youtube videos only came into my life a year ago.  Trust me, all actors know critique and harsh judgment comes with the territory, but it doesn't get any easier.  Why would it? We're just people doing a job like anyone else.  As you grow up and only get better maybe that's why it's harder...you know your shit better than anyone who's not in the biz judging you. 

What matters is that I love what I'm doing.  That I relish it.  That I remind myself every single time how lucky I am to be doing a show.  That other people would kill to be in my shoes.  That I believe in myself and what I can offer 110%.  That hearing my piece (of the three) was someones favorite, or made them cry, or moved them, or that they came a second time...that audience response isn't wrong.  I feel damn strong and proud of my work out there.  I had a fantastic closing performance yesterday, what a great way to end the whole experience.  I know I kicked ass out there.  I also hope it's not the last time I do a one woman show.  Only next time, I want it to be my own.  Something I write and direct and act in and play original characters.  

Right before I started rehearsals, I wondered if I needed an acting hiatus.  I wondered if I was in a phases where I was burning out, needing to find my passion for the stage again, thinking maybe I'd decline roles for a year or so.  Guess what.  I just rekindled my passion and then some.  

I could not feel more satisfied with my performance in the run of the show. :)

I started getting sick during the night last night.  I got no sleep at all and today I feel like I've been run over by a truck.  I think everything I've done the last month has caught up to me and I really need some time to sleep and recharge and say goodbye to the show.  As soon as I do, I've got my stack of scripts right next to me to start reading and preparing for.  

I'm a lucky girl.  

xo Deena 

http://www.twitter.com/deenamarie