Maternity Shoot with Pepperfox Photo

I've done two maternity shoots so far. One last week with my husband (blog post with those images coming soon) and one solo shoot today. It was my first time working with Pepperfox Photo. They're Bre and Addison, a husband and wife duo. These two are so talented. Photography, painting, acting, singing, you name it, they do it! I've worked with Addison onstage, but had yet to meet Bre. She was such a blast today. I've enjoyed watching her adventures online as a real life Little Mermaid, playing Ariel at Disney World and on stage locally. She's just as magical in person as I thought she'd be. I couldn't be happier with how the shoot turned out, from the lighting, to the studio, to the gorgeous floral arrangement, to the wardrobe. I highly recommend getting in touch with them!

Photography: Pepperfox Photo 

Floral arrangement: Fox and Fern Floral Co. 

Studio: White Space Studios  

Floral top: Pink Blush Maternity 

Black dress, pink top, black tights: Target 

Floral kimono: Forever 21

January 27th, 2016. 33 weeks.

~DM

What's on the inside

I have sat down to write about my personal pregnancy journey this far (nearing week 34) a few times now, and it never comes out right. While it feels good for me to purge my thoughts, it doesn't end up being something I want to post. I suppose that falls in line with how I've felt all along the way. Tidbits are fun to share, but only to a point. This is such a private, vulnerable, and intimate time. I am reluctant to let the world in. I'm not even sure what I want to say today.

I saw this photo and it touched me deeply. The phrase that sprang into my mind was, "It's what's on the inside that counts." I giggled to myself, but these words have never rang more true to me as they do with pregnancy. This may be repetitive to you if you've been following my blog, but I've had a hard time with everyone commenting on appearance. Mine, and pregnant women in general. It's like it's the only thing anyone can, wants, or knows how to talk about. They compare you to others, or their former pregnant selves, they hijack your stories to talk of their own experience, and they offer unwelcome advice.

It's hard enough to trust your own body, which is now doing something it's never done before, and get comfortable in skin you've never lived in before. With all the information out there, books to read, the focus narrowed to our outward appearance of what our growing bellies look like, all that's sacred about pregnancy is easily lost in the shuffle.

I've had quite an internal struggle with the concept of trust. The further I get and can look back on my pregnancy, I see (knock on wood) it's been fairly smooth sailing. The problem is, I've spent the majority of my pregnancy afraid of what my body will or will not do. It's been a time of great stress for me. It's been eye opening to see that for most of my life I haven't trusted my own body. I've been waiting for it to fail me in some way, and for no reason. It hasn't done so yet.

Why aren't we helping to empower pregnant women instead? Why aren't we simply listening to whatever they choose to share about their experience, or expressing genuine happiness for them and leaving it at that? Why do we instead offer unsolicited advice? Or tell them they look bigger than her, or smaller than her? How is this helpful in any way? Why aren't we connecting deeper as not only women and mothers, but as fathers and humans?

This is the time to reshape the frame we hang any and all ideas of what womanhood and human life mean. 

I am reminded once again that life and birth are part of the same whole. Until you experience it (especially that earth-shattering first), there is no way you can fully relate. With both there is transformation. There is the deepest permanence. An end, and a beginning. A metamorphosis that can only come with life, and with death.

It's a rearranging of identity, and purpose, and intention of how we will now choose to live.

It can be fun to document through imagery a growing belly. For my sake mostly, but also for my family and friends. But that's just the external. Belly size, maternity clothes, and weight gain are the last on the list of what's interesting about pregnancy, not to mention what matters.

It's my journey of pregnancy, yes. But even more, it's his journey. It's his journey into life.

I'm merely a vessel. 

I prefer to concentrate on the depth of what this experience is as the two of us race toward the finish line. Our combined energy is palpable. I prefer to think about how I will explain the world to him when he is here. I'd rather wonder how sensitive, dreamy, and wise my little pieces may or may not be, and how no matter what he is I will never label it. I will never tell him he should be one thing, or should not be another, or should have any other interest or love than whatever he will innately bring into the world. I will teach him from day one that the universe is vast, the possibilities are endless, and the only right way is the right way for him. I'd rather focus on what it may feel like in six-ish weeks from now when my body, heart, and soul crack open in ways I can only begin to fathom. When I get to meet someone I somehow know, but have never seen.

This, this, all of this...

This is for him.



"There is no way out of the experience except through it, because it is not really your experience at all but the baby's. Your body is the child's instrument of birth."
-Penelope Leach 



xo Deena Marie

Bump Progress! Weeks 26 - 32

Here we are! Final trimester. Yesterday marked the start of week 32, which means we're only 8 weeks away from the due date! I have so much to say about my experience up to this point, and will be doing so in a new post soon. For now, here's the latest in my (very unglamorous) weekly pictures.

For weeks 21 - 25, click here.
For pre-pregnany - week 20, click here. 

I wanted to document the difference of the bump covered vs uncovered.
Looks so different! 

I found out my calculations had been off by about a week! 

~ DM

2015 Year in Review

When the year comes to a close, I often think that I didn't get much accomplished until I start writing down all that was packed in. As it turns out, 2015 was the biggest year of my life yet! 

The highlights include: 

Playing Blanche in A Streetcar Named Desire 

Start of my entertainment news segment on KUTV2 

Start of my on camera reporting job for Stringham Real Estate School 

Matt's graduation 

Matt passing the bar 

Hawaii 

Our first wedding anniversary 

Getting pregnant 

Finding out we're having a son 

Acting in horror film Ella 

National tv debut in Blood & Oil as well as something coming to HBO next year 

Last Supper with the "12 badasses of SLC" photoshoot and SLTribune feature 

Becoming Brand Ambassador for Got Beauty 

Matt's new job 

Acting in a music video 

Modeling jobs for Got Beauty, Bestsy Barker's wedding look book, Property Solutions, Dentrix, Elevate Magazine, & Jamberry catalog 

Fun blogging events I was invited to 

New girlfriends, quality time and bonding even more with my ladies 

My family 

And now I'm so ready for 2016, the year of the baby! 

Deena Marie

Papaya Art

I've been obsessed with Papaya Art since I first saw their makeup bags a few months ago. The artwork and design are just beautiful! I recently learned that this Oregon based family business has been around since 2003, and started out as just 20 greeting cards before growing to hundreds of fine lifestyle and stationary offerings! I want them all.

If you're local, you're lucky because Got Beauty in sugarhouse carries some of their stuff! Remember my Hello Honey Bunny post a few weeks ago? Papaya Art. And look at this bag. Perfect to pack your makeup in when traveling, or to use as a purse. I love these unique little pieces of art.

Head to sugarhouse when you're out Christmas shopping this month and pick up an item or two!

Oh, and prices? This one is only $29. Get real.

~DM

All about the brow!

I've been obsessed with brows as long as I can remember. Good eyebrows are so important, and can completely transform a face. Perfectly groomed brows have never been more popular. It's almost overwhelming how many options are out there right now with brow makeup.

I've always done my own. I have a pretty high arch naturally, and plucked to play that up. This meant thinning my brow, and right now big brows are in. I blame/thank Cara Delevingne! 

Over the last few months I decided to let my brows grow. This meant other than between the brows and the occasional real straggler, no plucking. I was curious to see what would come in, and take the change to reshape them. I love mixing it up with my look.

The photo below was over the summer (right), vs a week or so ago (left). I'm not sure if you can tell on the left, but despite my anastasia dip brow over my brows, they were getting pretty unruly! It was getting harder to put makeup in unkempt brows, and it wasn't hiding the every which way hairs. They needed help, and I'd let it go so long that for the first time in my life, I didn't want to touch them myself!

I made my first ever appointment to have them waxed and tinted with Michelle at Got Beauty. I've been so protective of my brows (I may be a bit of a control freak), but I knew this was the time to hand them over to an expert.

Um, why haven't I done this sooner? She was great! We talked about the thickness and color we were going for, and then she showed me a couple of spots to see if I wanted to get rid of certain hairs or let more time pass to see what else will grow in. We opted for the latter. I couldn't believe the difference! The shaping, the precision. Just look.

Don't let the redness below and above the brow fool you. It wasn't painful. That night I had an event and used my anastasia dip brow like always, and this time it was so much easier! No unruly hairs, an exact shape to follow, I have to say that I was happier with my brows that night than I've been in a long time! They are finally looking the way I'd hoped and was going for!

I'm sold. I'm leaving them in the hands of the experts from now on.

Want to book an appointment? Got Beauty has a convenient sugarhouse location, Michelle is so nice, and the room is beautiful. It was $30 total for my wax & tint. Give them a call!

~DM

Progress weeks 21-25!

Yesterday marked week 25. It's time for the next set of progress pictures. To see pre-pregnancy through week 20 (and to read about my experience and feelings so far) make sure to start with this post! I'm still feeling good physically, and haven't been slowed down by pregnancy. I'm feeling my Charlie move quite a bit these days. Matt finally got to feel him move, and has now felt him twice! At my last Dr. appointment she told me how active he is as we were listening to the heartbeat. He has been since the first ultrasound in August. He is hyper!

I'm sad to have missed my photo for week 24. We were out of town for Thanksgiving and I forgot. Progress pictures have turned out to be just amazing to me. The changes happen so gradually, and seeing these week to week show me so much more than living in my body day to day, surprisingly. I haven't had to buy any maternity clothes yet, but I'm sure that's coming soon. I haven't worn anything form-fitting yet, because I'm still not sure it looks enough like a bump (rather than a big lunch) to show it off. So people still don't know I'm pregnant if I'm just out and about in a loose top! 

Being used to your body being a certain size through your adult life, it's definitely strange (and at times very hard) to transform. I keep looking back at previous weeks when I thought I was big, and now it makes me laugh at how crazy I was for thinking that! It really took a long time to start showing much of anything. Three weeks until the LAST TRIMESTER. I'm trying to savor every day before I get huge!

It feels more real every day. I can't believe how much love I feel for my baby already. I can't wait to see him with his Dad, too.

It's yet to be determined if social media will ever see our son, so like I said in a previous post, I won't be sharing his ultrasounds. But man, if you could see how beautiful he is already! I can't help but stare at his pictures all the time.

~DM

Those who cannot love us

I stumbled on this quote the other day and gasped. It so gracefully words something I am always in the process of. I'm not talking about wanting acceptance of others in a general sense, I'm talking about specific people who over the years have left my life. This has happened for various reasons. Some were because I left a long term relationship and they chose sides and made judgements, knowing nothing about my situation, my heart, or ever having a conversation about it with me. Not that it effects anyone but me and the person in it anyway. Others...I have no idea why they up and left. And some just seem to be on different pages, and I end up not seeing them as much as I'd like. All of the above I have a hard time with because I don't understand. I'm still looking for explanations and a way to move on.

I've been thinking a lot recently about who is in my life at this time, this incredibly sacred time of being pregnant with my first baby. Friends, and family both. I'm surprised at who has made an effort to check in. Check on me, want to see me, asks for pictures. I'm also surprised at who has felt absent. I wondered if I'd be discarded once I was pregnant?

Just like when I left my long term relationship and people left me, all I could think was, "but now you'll get me at my best! I'm free to live my truth! I am finally me!" Being pregnant is flying by, and I can't help but feel I'm moving away rapidly from those who haven't seen me since I've been pregnant, who haven't asked me much about my new family, who ask my parents how I am but never me directly, who seem too wrapped up in their own lives to make time for me. I'll never accept "I'm just so busy" as an excuse. I am very busy too. Everyone I know is busy with work and life and family and a million other things. But it is easy to make time when you want to. That's all it is. You set aside a couple of hours, or not. Sure things come up. Sure there are times when you'll need to reschedule. But I hear the static silence out there loud and clear. Meanwhile, an eternity is packed into one month during a pregnancy. Rapid changes, rapid growth, life at full speed. Not everyone wants to keep up.

I really wondered when I saw this quote why I'm putting any energy into those who clearly can't make that time for me? If I really think about how much I've dwelled on this, it starts to seem nuts. Why wouldn't I just chose to focus on who wants to be here, now? When I do, another aspect of all of this is very clear. I have not lost. I am not missing out. New people have entered my life. Amazing new women friends especially who make an effort in return and who have brought so much joy and fun to my life. Space has been made to let the right ones in.

This was just the reminder I needed to refocus, be grateful, and let go gently.

My life is full, and will always be. The right ones will always be there, at any given time.

~DM

Baby Bump!

It's finally starting to look a bit more like a baby bump! This wednesday I'll be 25 weeks. It's still small, so trying to accentuate it with my hands in these pictures helped. I ran into an old friend over the weekend and she had no idea I was even pregnant! I assumed she knew, and when I text her after the fact she was shocked. As soon as it gets a little bigger I plan to start dressing to show it off.

Pregnancy is so strange. I can't believe the stages, and how it becomes more real all the time. I feel myself transforming more and more into this new person. While I may not be able to see him yet, Charlie and I already have a relationship and strong connection like nothing I've ever experienced.

My son.
I can't wait to hold him in my arms. 
I can't believe how much I love him already.

Like my heart shaped sunnies? Head to sugarhouse shop Got Beauty for your own!

~DM

And our baby's name is…!

I'm often amazed by the talented and generous people who have come into my life from my endeavors over the years. A year ago I met an incredible artist, Geri Cordova. When she heard I was pregnant she wanted to do something for our baby. We began messaging and I told her all of the things my husband Matt was into, his favorite colors, and what we were naming our son.

Today she sent me pictures of the finished product. I can't tell you how deeply touched I am by her work. These are absolutely magical. And seeing his name like that…speechless.

We've had our names picked out for a couple of years now. Our boy name, and our girl name. It was actually Matt's idea. I'll never forget how I felt when he suggested Charles for a boy.

If you've followed me here, you know how life changing the death of my uncle was in spring of 2012. It was the beginning of an awakening, transformation, and life overhaul for me. Named after Charles Bowden who was known as Chuck, I can't wait to meet our Charles Rex Wride in March, who will be known as Charlie.

Thank you, Geri! Charlie is already SO lucky!

If you're not familiar with her work, she is a full time artist! Her work is on walls of businesses and homes all around town, and her signature painted shoes. Give her a call and get her creativity in your life!

*Charlie's middle name Rex is after Matt's late Grandpa!

~ Deena Marie

Avenues Adventure!

Last week I spent an evening touring the beautiful new homes at Avenues at The Station by Oakwood Homes. It was a small group of us invited for the night, and included two of my favorite girls!

Kat Romrell (left) Jaci Twiss (right)

Can you believe we all matched like this, completely unplanned?


Here's the funny thing about this event. My husband and I are already in love with Station Park. We go up quite a bit and since the weather has been particularly nice for this time of year, we've spent the last three Saturdays sitting outside on the cozy couches by the fountain, sipping a Fiiz drink and relaxing for a couple of hours before we shop and have lunch up there.

One of my favorite restaurants at Station Park is Twigs Bistro, I went for the first time last March for my birthday dinner. So I was excited to hear that our dinner at the event was going to come from Twigs. We met in the first of the five model homes we would tour, and started off with appetizers and placed our dinner order. Penne chicken pasta for me.

I've been to a couple of Oakwood events and this just may have been the best yet. The timing for this one was perfect. We are talking about a house fairly soon in our (hopefully not too distant) future what with the baby on the way, and it was fun to see what's developing in a favorite area of ours.

I'm always impressed with what is included in an Oakwood home as far as the various layouts, and the options. So many of the details are customizable. The options really are endless. Each of the five model homes we toured were stunning and impeccably decorated. Each varied in square footage, but the way they were laid out, they always seemed spacious. The high ceilings, windows, and decks also add to the feel of lots of light and room.

It's mine & my husbands dream to have a video game room! I died when I saw this!

And of course the first picture I even took was of a nursery! Look how cozy.


These definitely have more of an urban, city vibe. But you truly can design it to customize your needs. Young couples, couples with kids, empty nesters, mother-in-law-apartments, you name it.

It's so much fun to go get ideas of how you'd love your own dream home laid out, not to mention color scheme and decor ideas!

Our delicious dinner happened in the beautiful dining area of the fourth home, and by the time we got to the fifth home for desert, the feeling was mutual, we were all in love with the beautiful homes. We were not ready to leave!

The Oakwood team truly is incredible. They are so nice, they take time to chat and get to know you, and are nothing but genuine as they show off each gorgeous space. We had a blast with them. It was not only a comfortable way to see the homes, but a luxurious one as well.

The other thing that is still blowing my mind is the price! For such a great area (within walking distance to shops and dining at Station Park, close to public transit and freeways) and brand new homes, you'd think the pricing would be nuts. But guess what? Almost all are under 300K. WHAT?! Unheard of. Trust me, we've been looking!

I came away from the night feeling like the possibilities are endless for how we'll create our future home, and new ideas to define what the space of a home will mean for us and our future babe.

If it were up to me, we'd be up there in a heartbeat. Seriously. Now to work on the husband…

Than you, Oakwood for another amazing event!

Deena Marie