Cosmic Contract

Isn't it curious, how we can long for elements of earth we didn't grow up with? We can be called by the sea, knowing we should be by water, before we even see it. There is a pull of the familiar, an inherent knowing, without any concrete proof, that we're not where we belong.

I was born in a place with harsh winters, and cold parts of the year that last too long. I am uncomfortable when cold, covered, and bundled. I feel restricted by long pants on my legs and long sleeves on my arms. Trapped. I am much more myself when little material covers me. When my skin feels the environment on it. Bare feet on earth. Air on my limbs. Water on my skin. Perhaps I was meant to plop on a beach, eating a piece of fresh and sticky fruit, any given day of the year. To live a little more wild. Feral, almost.

If I could, I would pack up and move tomorrow.

I am constantly looking up as I walk, to the sky. Anything to remind of expansion, that the planet is big, and what lies beyond is bigger.

How curious, that I should find myself tethered in this life. Bound, for awhile, too and for a magical little boy, sent straight from the stars.

Perhaps that's why I have lived so many lives here. Married. Divorced. Maybe that's why I have lived so many places, after leaving my childhood home. The home that disappeared after, and would never be an option to set foot in again.

Snippets, vignettes, with different partners, different times. I have already been so many people. I've died, and been reborn again and again right here while living. Maybe, before this round on earth, my bones knew I'd be tethered, and I made an unconscious cosmic contract to live...in bits. To always be new. And each path is the right path. Every time.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

I don't regret a single life.

Perhaps, what I've been looking for...a place to land, simply doesn't exist. Words I wrote in my early twenties while living in New York pop into my head, "I move around the world to find my home, and I still can't get it right."

Maybe I'm not meant to ever land..but just to evolve, and evolve, and evolve...constant motion...like the water I seek. Constant chapters, dying, and being reborn.

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