I'm in the process of writing my story of when I was living in NYC studying acting. There's a lot to my story and for many years it's been so private and special it was hard to even talk about. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times :) If you're just tuning in, I suggest you start at Part I for it to make sense. All links in order at the bottom of this blog entry. I promise it's a juicy read. These entries often include actual journal entries from that time in my life. I'm so grateful I documented so much! Once I finish here, I hope to expand into a book. I'm posting these frequently but they'll also be interspersed with real time blogs :) Thanks for reading & supporting!
*All names are changed
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As much as I hate to say it...Lynne and I had slacked off...a little. I didn't think late nights with The Guy and Ty had affected us, but maybe? One day the two of us were in the green room waiting for our next class to start. It was getting close so as we checked the board with the schedule one last time, we saw that class that day wasn't in that building but at the theatre. Now, this was sometimes the case but we had made an honest mistake in not seeing this. We booked it out of there and ran the couple blocks up and avenues over as fast as we could. It felt like we were running in molasses, like it does in a dream. We weren't going to get there fast enough. We rushed in and ran up the stairs only to have this teacher tell us he was sorry, and in a rather unapologetic tone, and shut the door in our faces. Shit. Remember what I said about not wanting to miss class? It was very frowned upon. And I think Lynne and I were starting to get on our classmates nerves with being in our own little world. I'll never forget the two of us laying on the stairs, panting, knowing that what had just happened was not good. Like I often do, I tried to make light of it and laugh once the initial shock had passed, but she wasn't having it. I didn't know why her reaction was quite that strong. We weren't in danger of getting kicked out. But I think this was the beginning of our "falling out".
When we were no longer in the same classes the final semester, I was bummed. Things began to get awkward between us. She seemed to be befriending those we had complained about before. I was realizing we'd slowly been isolating ourselves, but she was the one I still wanted to hang out with most. I had no interest in bonding with classmates I hadn't gotten close to by this point. I wasn't going to suddenly have a new bestie, so instead I had spring fever.
I had found some of her behavior questionable but never would have stopped being her friend. Like when she chose not to be involved with "Balm in Gilead". She said her bartending job plus school load made it too hard. I was surprised, I mean, why were here then? But I figured she needed to do what she needed to do.
Ty also broke things off with her around this time when he met someone new that he was pretty crazy about.
I remember her telling me that she'd had a conversation with this older red head that was also a student. She was someone the two of us previously said we couldn't stand. She was more of a teachers pet than I'd ever seen anyone be, including elementary school. I got the vibe she thought our behavior was inappropriate, but I found hers to be, too. She was married, but could always be found sitting on the lap of another student who was also married. They were constantly flirting and pretty inseparable and I was always super uncomfortable about it. It was the first time I'd really observed something like that.
Anyway, Lynne told me one day that they'd talked and she'd explained to the red head that the two of us were younger and had bonded and really needed each other and related to each other. The red head explained that since she was much older, she couldn't behave any other way than taking school as seriously as possible. I guess they came to some kind of understanding and I felt both the need to also explain myself to the red head, too (which I never truly would have) and also a bit of betrayal from Lynne.
As we slowly drifted apart, Lynne seemed to get stockholm syndrome from being in class with the red head and really started trying to shape up, or kiss butt, or...I'm not sure what. But it seemed like her final semester was going to include me less and less.
The day she stormed in, I think I asked if she was okay. She responded with "I'm pissed". I asked, "at who?" Truly surprised. She just glared at me. "At me?!" I asked. "Yes!" She said. I can't remember what was said but I was mostly speechless as she told me that she was upset that I had missed another class and was basically upset I wasn't behaving like her. This was the first time I'd ever been on this end of a confrontation and I didn't know how to respond. I do remember that Steve (who was also no longer speaking to me since he thought I'd ratted out his forbidden relationship) was sitting nearby and went into the green room to announce to everyone that Lynne was yelling and we were fighting.
I didn't know what to do. I felt isolated, my feelings were hurt and the thought of school ending was now even more bittersweet. I don't remember if that was our last conversation, but we didn't have many more days left. So we spent them avoiding each other.
How had this happened?
Looking back on it I think it was her version of "tough love" but it was an uncharacteristic way for her to go about it.
All I knew was that the days of myself, The Guy, Lynne and Ty were done. In fact, the days of Lynne were done.
May 30
"...The Guy was now working at a new restaurant. A mexican restaurant in Brooklyn. One night I went to meet him and we got into a little argument over his upcoming Industry Night. Apparently he'd been talking to Lynne about doing a scene together! I was getting upset, I didn't want to, I did not like where it was going. He thought I was mad because I wasn't doing a scene with him. Which had never even crossed my mind. Anyway, that's when he said it. All on his own...he called me his girlfriend! At first I didn't even realize it. He was saying, "I can't do scenes with girlfriends". I was like, "I don't care, I'm doing a scene with Oscar already" blah blah blah. Anyway he had to point it out to me that he was saying the G word. Then when I got it he hurried away to get more drinks. He came back and we went over it again and it seems to stem from talking with Heather. He said he can't bullshit her. She knows how to get things out of him. He figured out how long we've been together - and about time - just what he has! He got jealous hearing about The Star, and seeing a work friend hit on me...
...he said we should try out living together now, when I get back from UT! I said okay and that was it! I'd been wanting to but was going to turn it down if he said it was just for saving money or convenience. I thought we'd really have to sit and hash it all out. But all of a sudden it was just going to happen, and most importantly I wanted to do it because it felt right...
...so fast forward to [a few nights later] searching for the Ex Ex Girlfriend [Who I guess was in town again?] to get MY KEYS, couldn't find her, whatever, went and drank and had a fabulous time. Lots of talking. Getting to know more and more about each other. Getting closer and closer. Loving how he's referring to me as his girlfriend. The next night I went to his play, everyone knew I was the girlfriend at last, I'm introduced, well...yet to hear him introduce me that way, but loving he'd already told people. At the bar he said he's been counting us as 1 & 1/2 years! And at his restaurant when he'd introduced me as a friend, he said it had made him cringe. How I give him his space, all those things added up to his realization...
...being at his show as his girlfriend was awesome. Sitting with his director, talking about him, [and about another student you might have heard of, named Kristin Bell, just before she hit it big!] him kissing me in front of everyone. Watching the next few plays side by side closerthanthis. Acting like - my boyfriend?!"
So for a moment, despite my loss of Lynne and my uncertainty of life after graduation...all was right in the world. The Guy had not only called me his girlfriend but had asked me to move in! The Guy. Maybe I really was about to get everything I'd wanted and waited for for so long!
Part 1: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/new-york-state-of-mind.html
Part 2: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/new-york-state-of-mind-part-ii.html
Part 3: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-3.html
Part 4: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-4.html
Part 5: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-5.html
Part 6: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-6.html
Part 7: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/im-in-process-of-writing-my-story-of.html
Part 8: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-8.html
Time to Press Pause: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/time-to-press-pause.html
Part 9: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-9.html
Part 10: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-10.html
Part 11: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-part-11.html
Part 12: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/06/my-new-york-diaries-par-12.html
Part 13 (with an extra shot) http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/07/my-new-york-diaries-part-13-with-extra.html
Part 14: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/07/my-new-york-diaries-part-14.html
Part 15: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-new-york-diaries-part-15.html
Part 16: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/im-in-process-of-writing-my-story-of.html
Part 17: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/im-in-process-of-writing-my-story-of_10.html
Part 18 (September 11th) http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-new-york-diaries-part-18-september.html
Part 19: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-new-york-diaries-part-19.html
Part 20: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-new-york-diaries-part-20.html
Part 21: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-new-york-diaries-part-21.html
Part 22: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/im-in-process-of-writing-my-story-of_20.html
Part 23: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-new-york-diaries-part-23.html
Part 24: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-new-york-diaries-part-24.html
Part 25: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-new-york-diaries-part-25.html
Part 26: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-new-york-diaries-part-26.html
Part 27: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-new-york-diaries-part-27.html
Part 28: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-new-york-diaries-part-28.html
Part 29: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-new-york-diaries-part-29.html
Part 30: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/09/my-new-york-diaries-part-30.html
Part 31: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2011/10/my-new-york-diaries-part-31.html
Part 32: http://beanerlarue.blogspot.com/2012/01/my-new-york-diaries-part-32.html
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