What happened

If you follow my blog you may have read a few entries back that I was getting surgery. I did, at the beginning of August and everything was fine. I felt fine. I was up and about, went out of town for a couple of days to perform, it went great. Came home, rehearsed for another project (a one time only performance on August 29th at SLAC) and was ready and excited to perform. Saturday night comes and we're sitting on the couch watching a movie when I start to feel some pain and swelling. I ice it and go to bed thinking it will be gone come morning. I wake up the morning of the performance and the right side of my face is really swollen. I'm in pain from the top of my cheek into my jawbone and neck. My right lymph node is sore and huge. My whole face on that side is sore to the touch. I can't even move the right side of my mouth. My sweetheart calls my Dr. and he calls in antibiotics, he calls the theatre, they call in an actress to replace me.

Missing a performance? Worst. Feeling. Ever. Normally I'd be in tears over it but right now I'm much more concerned that my face can't move and is twice the size as it should be. Panicked.

I spent all of sunday completely out of it. Exhausted, delirious and swollen. When I woke up yesterday the swelling was down a little. I went into the Dr. and he said it's unusual to get an infection at this point. He looks inside my mouth and finds an incision that is not fully closed. It's still red and that's where this infection most likely snuck in. I'm told to stay on my antibiotics, keep rinsing with mouth wash and it should be gone in 7 days. My Dr. is amazing, he takes a lot of time, he knows what I do for a living, he is having me come in next week again unless I need to see him sooner and said he'd even come to me.

*If you have a surgery inside your mouth take such good care of it, don't push it. Baby yourself even more than they say. I really didn't think I pushed anything too soon, I will never understand how this happened. :(

So. Here I am, day three.

Swelling is down again but still not completely. I have a little more energy, as in I don't feel like I'm going to pass out if I walk down the stairs. I still can't move that side of my mouth all the way. It's been painful to chew so I can barely eat right now. The antibiotics are definitely working, but of course I want it to heal me instantly.

There was a meeting I was supposed to be at tonight having to do with the next play I'm in, next Jan/Feb that I can't be at. I feel terrible missing everything. I will always try to push through. My career is SO important to me. Almost the MOST important. I hate this, I'm so frustrated. It makes me feel so guilty. It's my fault, I'm messing up plans. I always worry that people won't believe me, because when someone gives me an excuse at the last minute I get pissed off and I think they're lying. Maybe now I'll be more sympathetic. I never saw this coming.

I have a hard time saying no. I always tell myself I'm going to start. I need to remember right now that I need to put myself first. But instead I find myself feeling almost sick over the fact that I am bailing on people.

This swollen, unable to move my face infection scared the living crap out of me. Even though it's improving every day, it's still scary. If I can't move my face...I can't act. I cant model. I have a photo shoot friday and two more in September.

So that's what's going on. I didn't really want anyone to know...but because I'm so worried about everything, I decided I did want people to know.

On the bright side...my sweetheart is amazing. He takes unbelievable care of me when I'm sick and look like a monster.

Thanks for all the well wishes on FB and Twitter!

Hopefully I'll be up and at 'em again by the end of the week, fingers crossed!

Deena Marie

Bored at home, sick, stuck in bed

Nevermind!

So yeah. Remember in my last blog I was all about a break? Turns out that's not happening just yet. It also turns out I didn't need it like I thought. It'll be a week tomorrow since my surgery and I'm already dying to get out of the house. Got a call today & I start a new project next monday and couldn't be happier to get back to - what else? Acting, characters, the stage...what I DO. I think before it was my *immediately post show exhaustion/reaction* writing to you. I'm happy to inform you she's gone. I'm also happy to inform you that the surgery went well and while it'll be a little longer before I'm 100% back, I'm definitely on my way!

The Twilight ECLIPSE musical parody is coming out ONE WEEK FROM TODAY! It's by far my favorite! Can't wait to upload!

xo

Deena

THAT happened, now THIS :)

Dear Diary... :)

Time to catch up. "HAIR" is over. We closed July 25th. A helluva ride. Bittersweet, to say the least. I can't begin to explain the experience so I'll just leave it to myself. For so many reasons, it stands alone.

I haven't had much spare time since closing. I've had a Voodoo Darlings Burlesque show, a photo shoot for Torture Couture, auditions, appointments, a shoot, & all other sorts of errands like crazy.

For the first time in a long *and I mean LONG* time...I feel I need a little break. I need some time to just be me and do nothing and recharge and re-evaluate. No characters, no pretend. I want to have a fun summer, or what's left of it, by simply playing. Hanging out with friends and reconnecting with people.

I only have one project coming up for three days out of town the end of the month, playing an Italian mail order bride. The fact that it's out of town was appealing to me right now, so I'm taking it. But THEN, it's downtime!

I found out a couple days ago I got cast in "The Persian Quarter" at SLAC. I did the reading in the spring. My fourth show there, it's the first show next season. It's a beautiful piece. The main characters are two women, an Iranian & American. The first half takes place during the Iranian Hostage Crisis. The second is the chance meeting of the two women's daughters (played by the same actresses).

So as of right now, no theatre from Sept - Jan 3. Crazy! But I am into it. Is it weird that during this little break I want to be as "normal" and removed from it all as I possibly can? I mean, this is something I never thought I'd say (never say never) but I almost want to get a temporary "regular" job for that time. A no brainer, no entertainment oriented part time job. If nothing than to fill my spare time (and it never hurts to put towards our travel fund, as I've recently decided that travel is more important in the next couple years than ever before). As much as I hated retail half the time I did it years ago, lately there are times when I find myself envious of the girls I see doing it. They don't have to deal with the pressures of performing, vulnerably putting yourself, heart and art on display for everyone to judge. To like, or not like. I physically and vocally need the time off right now. I think I just want to call a rare time out for myself while I can. Maybe it's something I'll find I need every few years? Get some perspective. Maybe it's healthy for me...we'll see. :)

It's time to catch up on video making this fall. We shot the ECLIPSE MUSICAL PARODY on Sunday. It's only barely being edited but it truly looks like the best one yet. The look a likes are AMAZING! He he he. I think everyone who follows my musical Twilight parody series is going to FLIP.

But, before any of the above plans happen, tomorrow I become MIA for awhile. I have surgery in the morning. It's not a big deal, and that's all I'm going to say. And again, NO, I'm not getting boobs or anything crazy like that! LOL!

So that's it for now! Wish me luck & I'll be back online in a few days!

DM