HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Magazine cover!

Can I get a hells yeah? I am so thrilled with the cover of this weeks "IN" magazine (top picture)! I wish I had the photos to post from the inside, too! I'll see what I can do to find them! (Bottom picture is from may last year, same mag.)

Tomorrow is my birthday! 

I'm performing for the big "IN" magazine party, doing a song/burlesque routine to "Whatever Lola Wants".  I have the most amazing attire to perform in...I'm very excited.  

Last night some of my favorite peeps put together a birthday dinner for me at one of my favorite restaurants.  I soooo needed the night out.  And the sake.  And a beer.  And friends.  It's been a long ass week.  I had an hour and a half audition yesterday.  If it works out, I'll be pretty much in day rehearsals for that, night rehearsals for "Infantry Monologues" (yes, the one I've twittered about aka the 25 page monologue) with "Infantry" performing end of may & the other performing mid June.  

Uh, hello! Nothing else I'd rather be spending my day doing! 

I'm trying to change my mindset of hating birthdays to celebrating them.  Right now it's working, I'm feeling nothing but excitement over this magazine cover & this cool party tomorrow night.  Now stuff like that certainly doesn't happen every year! 

Tonight will be spent relaxing, watching last nights "Lost", maybe getting a video out on youtube & rehearsing for tomorrow! 

Deena 

little cousin

Here i am on St. Pattys day at the museum with one of my little cousins.

Okay, so he may be taller than I am now...

but I still remember the first time I held him!

Oh, and the last  one is my mommy. 

~Deena

No time! But...

Geez! What the? Haven't blogged in ages! 

Sorry for neglecting you, little blog.

I don't have time for details right now...

I promise a longer post this week.  

In a nutshell? I've uploaded three new videos in a week to http://www.youtube.com/BeanerLaRue so go check them out if you haven't! My 'mom', Lola, is back in her third video for youtube's adopt a feature program, in a video titled "My Mom Swaps (Audioswaps).  Read the video info.  The second is a behind the scenes of a photo shoot with a local photographer.  I have had the footage for two months now and was waiting to put the real photos in it, but since I still haven't gotten them, I went with what I have.  I really love the way this one is edited.  One of my favs.  It was their vision of what Bella from "Twilight" would look like after she turned Vamp.  Not from the book, Bella, I repeat: This is THEIR version! Twilight fans are so fucking hardcore it's ridiculous.  That one's called Yesterday I uploaded my entry for the Ford Fiesta Movement.  Please be sure and watch and comment! It makes me laugh.  A lot.  I don't usually lol at my own videso, but I think because my sweetheart and I were having so much fun shooting while we did it...it's a special one.  In non youtube related news, I've had quite a few theatre offers coming my way...currently in memorization hell (I say this with love) for a play I'll be doing soon.  This requires me to learn a 15 page monologue.  Also busy planning for my birthday party / "IN" magazine Scene in SLC party on March 27th! 

Oh, and as for the muppet pic up top? You know when you can't for the life of you remember the name of something? I was trying to tell someone about that particular muppet and my mommy finally remembered her name is baby Natasha.  So I had to google her.  That pic is now my screensaver. 

More later this week!

Deenie 

Something in the air...

I'm a firm believer that if you want something bad enough and WORK towards it long (and hard) enough it happens.  I truly, truly believe it.  

Remember when I started this blog, for the new year, with high hopes to be as optimistic and stress free as possible? To "let my inner light shine" and spread that positivity to others, etcetera etcetra? Well I feel like the last couple weeks I totally backtracked.  I tend to get so focused and super introspective and hard on myself.  I get in so deep I don't realize how negative this becomes for me.  It results in me totally trapped inside my head, overthinking everything.  

What happened to the enjoying little things and celebrating successes? With me things don't usually happen gradually.  I'm more of a quick change artist.  Well yesterday I snapped out of it.  I think it happened during a conversation with my sweetheart at dinner about people who aren't pursuing their own happiness.  Be it their creativity work, relationships, etc. People we know of who are stuck in a rut and years are going by and they're wasting valuable time.  Fear holds them back and they have nobody to blame but themselves.  I get so passionate about this when it's someone I care about.  I do not and will not ever understand someone who doesn't make changes, take risks and do everything in their power to be happy and successful and who they want to be.  

I think that I fear this so much that that's why I get so hard and critical and introspective, demanding more, more, more! Is it good enough? Am I doing enough? What else can I do? What more can I do? But.  In doing so I don't stop to realize how lucky I am.  The amazing things that have come my way, especially the last few years and that if I don't chill the fuck out I will never enjoy them.  One day I'll wake up and youth and excitement will be over and that will have been that.  

It's simple, really.  We either are or we aren't.  We do or we don't.  I want to choose to be happy.  To be confident in me and not to beat myself up every step of the way.  The fact that this industry is always changing, there's no guarantees, it's different every project is it's blessing and it's curse.  I can't spend so much time wondering what's next that I don't enjoy the current.  I can't live in a constant state of future thinking.  

Anyway.  Yesterday it seemed to lift and all of a sudden I felt fabulous and beyond fortunate to have many of the things and opportunities I've dreamed of all my life.  

I think it's also because I sense something coming...something big...something exciting is suddenly in the air.  I totally feel it.  I feel so super nostalgic lately and have so many memories flashing through my mind from all sorts of different times in my life..  Just absolutely immersed in nostalgia and this afternoon I realized it means something...like everything I've ever been through is coming  together for something new and huge.  Call me crazy, but I'm putting that out into the universe!  

In other news...I went to a callback for a movie today, the character ("DEENA", I shit you not) is described as a Dita Von Teese wannabe (RIGHT?!), so there I am, running around on a thursday afternoon with red lipstick, leather tights and heels.  Can we say honks and catcalls? I'm sure everyone thought I was hookin'.  Do the sicko guys who do that shit seriously think we're gonna stop, walk over there & give them our number? I mean, really.  What is that supposed to accomplish?

Anyway.  I'm eating candy, cuddling my puppy and watching Ugly Betty now.  Peace, I'm out!

xo Deena Marie 

Haters, features, projects, birthday!

Good lord.  Seriously?! 

Hello boys and girls.  Todays topic: Internet hate.  I've talked about this in previous blogs but it's weighing heavily on my mind right now.  Recently a youtuber friend of mine was featured in 'people & blogs'.  She's been on youtube two years and this is her first feature.  She is a vlogger and fellow actor and the sweetest thing.  For some reason, her video is getting a ton of hateful comments.  Every other comment is something rude.  Beyond rude.  Disgusting.  And there's no reason for it! There is no offensive content.  

Last week I had to deal with a situation online and instead of shrugging it off, which I do daily and sometimes more than once a day, it totally and completely upset me.  Again, back to my appearance and body and how terribly "unattractive I am because I am a skinny bitch."  It sounds silly on paper but COME ON.  

One can only take so much negative commentary on ones looks and physicality and the breaking point comes! 

Who wants to wake up to hate and cruelty first thing in the morning? I understand we've chosen to put ourselves out there and this means any nutbag can say anything at any given moment.  I've always said, and truly believe, that a hater must have such a sad life to want to be so hurtful to strangers.  Normal people don't behave that way, we all know this. But is it more than that?! Wouldn't you have to have some SERIOUS issues to type comments that are either vulgar or hurtful or sexual?  I can't believe the audacity.  

While my youtube friend ( the one mentioned above) seems to be doing just fine with this situation, I'm so disgusted by it.  And by the daily bullshit I get as well.  It gets old.  And what is it a hater is hoping to do by those comments?! Really?! 

I just had to vent.  

It's sickening to me some people are either raised to believe this behavior is ok, or so unhappy with themselves that (trying) to tear happy and successful people down is the only thing that makes them feel better.  

Anyway.  My latest video, Octo Mom parody is now over 100,000 views and youtube has Spotlight/Featured this video as well as promoted it and that's brought me over 11k subscribers! Youtube has been very kind to me.  They featured my video "The Joke" front page just 2 months after starting my channel.  They featured a video of me and my puppy in Pets/Animals, and three others in the comedy section.  Two collab videos I was a part of were also front page features! I'm glad someone there has their eye on me! I feel very lucky.

In other news! I was recently sent two scripts to read, one I've officially accepted.  Rehearsals begin in may.  Three of us in the cast, two men and me.  Each of us will have a monologue, running about 35 minutes each.  I'll be starting memorization on my 15 page piece asap.

I'm now freelancing with a local papers new website, cityweekly.net, making videos exclusively for the site, so be sure and drop by from time to time!

Had a great film audition the end of last week...will keep you posted!  There's nothing like the high after a good audition.  

My birthday is coming up! March 27! 

I have to admit not being "early 20's" is freaky, BUT I'm trying to think of the celebration rather than the panic.  I'm super excited for the date, actually, because I've been asked to perform for (local paper) IN Magazines 'Scene in SLC' party at a club here.  Scene in SLC is a section in the weekly paper featuring scene makers, they featured me last spring.  Should make for a great party.  And I think I'm the only chick performing! Yeah! Haven't decided exactly what I'll be performing, but I will very soon!

That's it for now.  I've been super addicted to "The Bachelor" this season and I'm so excited for tomorrow night it's ridiculous.  How will I ever wait?! Arghhh!

Pizza time.  Byeee!

xo 

ME