So yeah. Remember in my last blog I was all about a break? Turns out that's not happening just yet. It also turns out I didn't need it like I thought. It'll be a week tomorrow since my surgery and I'm already dying to get out of the house. Got a call today & I start a new project next monday and couldn't be happier to get back to - what else? Acting, characters, the stage...what I DO. I think before it was my *immediately post show exhaustion/reaction* writing to you. I'm happy to inform you she's gone. I'm also happy to inform you that the surgery went well and while it'll be a little longer before I'm 100% back, I'm definitely on my way!
The Twilight ECLIPSE musical parody is coming out ONE WEEK FROM TODAY! It's by far my favorite! Can't wait to upload!
xo
Deena
Aug 10, 2010
Aug 3, 2010
THAT happened, now THIS :)
Dear Diary... :)
Time to catch up. "HAIR" is over. We closed July 25th. A helluva ride. Bittersweet, to say the least. I can't begin to explain the experience so I'll just leave it to myself. For so many reasons, it stands alone.
I haven't had much spare time since closing. I've had a Voodoo Darlings Burlesque show, a photo shoot for Torture Couture, auditions, appointments, a shoot, & all other sorts of errands like crazy.
For the first time in a long *and I mean LONG* time...I feel I need a little break. I need some time to just be me and do nothing and recharge and re-evaluate. No characters, no pretend. I want to have a fun summer, or what's left of it, by simply playing. Hanging out with friends and reconnecting with people.
I only have one project coming up for three days out of town the end of the month, playing an Italian mail order bride. The fact that it's out of town was appealing to me right now, so I'm taking it. But THEN, it's downtime!
I found out a couple days ago I got cast in "The Persian Quarter" at SLAC. I did the reading in the spring. My fourth show there, it's the first show next season. It's a beautiful piece. The main characters are two women, an Iranian & American. The first half takes place during the Iranian Hostage Crisis. The second is the chance meeting of the two women's daughters (played by the same actresses).
So as of right now, no theatre from Sept - Jan 3. Crazy! But I am into it. Is it weird that during this little break I want to be as "normal" and removed from it all as I possibly can? I mean, this is something I never thought I'd say (never say never) but I almost want to get a temporary "regular" job for that time. A no brainer, no entertainment oriented part time job. If nothing than to fill my spare time (and it never hurts to put towards our travel fund, as I've recently decided that travel is more important in the next couple years than ever before). As much as I hated retail half the time I did it years ago, lately there are times when I find myself envious of the girls I see doing it. They don't have to deal with the pressures of performing, vulnerably putting yourself, heart and art on display for everyone to judge. To like, or not like. I physically and vocally need the time off right now. I think I just want to call a rare time out for myself while I can. Maybe it's something I'll find I need every few years? Get some perspective. Maybe it's healthy for me...we'll see. :)
It's time to catch up on video making this fall. We shot the ECLIPSE MUSICAL PARODY on Sunday. It's only barely being edited but it truly looks like the best one yet. The look a likes are AMAZING! He he he. I think everyone who follows my musical Twilight parody series is going to FLIP.
But, before any of the above plans happen, tomorrow I become MIA for awhile. I have surgery in the morning. It's not a big deal, and that's all I'm going to say. And again, NO, I'm not getting boobs or anything crazy like that! LOL!
So that's it for now! Wish me luck & I'll be back online in a few days!
DM
Time to catch up. "HAIR" is over. We closed July 25th. A helluva ride. Bittersweet, to say the least. I can't begin to explain the experience so I'll just leave it to myself. For so many reasons, it stands alone.
I haven't had much spare time since closing. I've had a Voodoo Darlings Burlesque show, a photo shoot for Torture Couture, auditions, appointments, a shoot, & all other sorts of errands like crazy.
For the first time in a long *and I mean LONG* time...I feel I need a little break. I need some time to just be me and do nothing and recharge and re-evaluate. No characters, no pretend. I want to have a fun summer, or what's left of it, by simply playing. Hanging out with friends and reconnecting with people.
I only have one project coming up for three days out of town the end of the month, playing an Italian mail order bride. The fact that it's out of town was appealing to me right now, so I'm taking it. But THEN, it's downtime!
I found out a couple days ago I got cast in "The Persian Quarter" at SLAC. I did the reading in the spring. My fourth show there, it's the first show next season. It's a beautiful piece. The main characters are two women, an Iranian & American. The first half takes place during the Iranian Hostage Crisis. The second is the chance meeting of the two women's daughters (played by the same actresses).
So as of right now, no theatre from Sept - Jan 3. Crazy! But I am into it. Is it weird that during this little break I want to be as "normal" and removed from it all as I possibly can? I mean, this is something I never thought I'd say (never say never) but I almost want to get a temporary "regular" job for that time. A no brainer, no entertainment oriented part time job. If nothing than to fill my spare time (and it never hurts to put towards our travel fund, as I've recently decided that travel is more important in the next couple years than ever before). As much as I hated retail half the time I did it years ago, lately there are times when I find myself envious of the girls I see doing it. They don't have to deal with the pressures of performing, vulnerably putting yourself, heart and art on display for everyone to judge. To like, or not like. I physically and vocally need the time off right now. I think I just want to call a rare time out for myself while I can. Maybe it's something I'll find I need every few years? Get some perspective. Maybe it's healthy for me...we'll see. :)
It's time to catch up on video making this fall. We shot the ECLIPSE MUSICAL PARODY on Sunday. It's only barely being edited but it truly looks like the best one yet. The look a likes are AMAZING! He he he. I think everyone who follows my musical Twilight parody series is going to FLIP.
But, before any of the above plans happen, tomorrow I become MIA for awhile. I have surgery in the morning. It's not a big deal, and that's all I'm going to say. And again, NO, I'm not getting boobs or anything crazy like that! LOL!
So that's it for now! Wish me luck & I'll be back online in a few days!
DM
Jul 22, 2010
The Loveliest song I've heard in ages... Dark Waltz
The words...breathtaking
"Dark Waltz"
We are the lucky ones
We shine like a thousand suns
When all of the colour runs together
I'll keep you company
In one glorious harmony
Waltzing with destiny forever
Dance me into the night
Underneath the moon shining so bright
Turning me into the light
Time dances whirling past
I gaze through the looking glass
And feel just beyond my grasp is heaven
Sacred geometry
Where movement is poetry
Visions of you and me forever
Dance me into the night
Underneath the moon shining so bright
Turning me into the light
Dance me into the night
Underneath the moon shining so bright
Let the dark waltz begin
Oh let me wheel - let me spin
Let it take me again
Turning me into the light
Video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XS-fBWGtd5s
By Haley Westenra
"Dark Waltz"
We are the lucky ones
We shine like a thousand suns
When all of the colour runs together
I'll keep you company
In one glorious harmony
Waltzing with destiny forever
Dance me into the night
Underneath the moon shining so bright
Turning me into the light
Time dances whirling past
I gaze through the looking glass
And feel just beyond my grasp is heaven
Sacred geometry
Where movement is poetry
Visions of you and me forever
Dance me into the night
Underneath the moon shining so bright
Turning me into the light
Dance me into the night
Underneath the moon shining so bright
Let the dark waltz begin
Oh let me wheel - let me spin
Let it take me again
Turning me into the light
Video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XS-fBWGtd5s
By Haley Westenra
Jul 17, 2010
Be a lover, not a fighter!
Just a friendly reminder...
From myself & many others who have chosen to put ourselves super *out there*. On the internet, or wherever it may be.
One of my favorite mottos is NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR ART. This should, I hope, be every artists (in any capacity) motto. Art is subjective. Everything is relative.
I have said it before and I'll say it again. If you don't like something? Don't watch. There are plenty of things I've come across I don't find funny or entertaining and do I take TIME from my day to tell the creator that I didn't like it? No. I am fully aware this is all part of the deal, but I'll always find it strange. What's the point? What good does it do you or me to waste time on negative energy? I try so hard not to give into negativity of any kind. Sometimes I slip, we're all only human, but I do try.
Just because we are out there as a social media personality or performer of some kind, viewers do not think of us as real people. We are just there for their entertainment. To please them or not. Often, what is forgotten is that everyone is a real person with real feelings. Families and friends and sensitivities and good days and bad days. We get feelings hurt. We get vulnerable.
I've had run ins with people (usually grown men - which can be scary on its own to say the least) online and had to block and delete many times. When I feel it really crosses the boundaries is on facebook. Youtube is one thing. Youtube is worldwide. Gigantic. A vehicle of it's own I can't possibly control. It's not personal. My facebook, however, is. My family and friends and loved ones and real life contacts are there. I'd be lying if I said I didn't care when someone that I don't know well, or at all, takes the TIME to post something negative.
Come on. Let me have my little bit of internet space where I feel like it's still MINE. Still somewhat personal. I decided a long time ago, anything that may strike me as offensive, or I don't want my family and friends to see and get riled up about, I delete them from my friends. I don't know you, you don't know me. We owe each other nothing, and it's JUST FACEBOOK! Who cares if we can't be facebook friends? It doesn't mean I hate you, wish ill on you, it's "this is my space, I feel uncomfortable, I don't want to risk you doing it again and me waking up to negativity (you don't know what's going on in my life & maybe that was the last thing I needed that day), so I'd like to delete you." I have every right to do it.
People get sooooo bent out of shape and even post physically threatening status updates about me. That is a threat. I take that VERY SERIOUSLY. Grown men (maybe they're creepers and maybe they're not. Again, we DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER. So think about how you are coming across). You have a woman in your life in some form or another, daughter, sister, mother, niece, friend, etc how would you feel if she were threatened? It's Scary. Hurtful. You get the drift. I often won't write back, just delete. A couple of times I've reached out to try to explain myself in a message. This has proved itself to once again, not be worth it. Things get to crazy and even more uncomfortable for me.
So strange.
I guess I just want everyone watching to remember I'm a person with feelings and a life full of all kinds of things and people...just like you.
Think twice about that, please. About any entertainer out there.
You never truly know them. You never know the full story.
You never know why they are running their internet life the way they are. But there are big reasons.
Never do these people realize maybe I just plain don't want the drama. They comment negatively, the may get the onslaught of fans and friends who feel the need to insult them, stick up for me, and it becomes huge.
This is exactly why I don't let 99.9% of my real self out there onto the web, and why I don't let people in quickly.
This is also why, I suppose, people think I'm yelling at them in my message when I'm just trying to be as business like and calm as I can be.
I appreciate all the support!
That's it! :)
DM
From myself & many others who have chosen to put ourselves super *out there*. On the internet, or wherever it may be.
One of my favorite mottos is NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR ART. This should, I hope, be every artists (in any capacity) motto. Art is subjective. Everything is relative.
I have said it before and I'll say it again. If you don't like something? Don't watch. There are plenty of things I've come across I don't find funny or entertaining and do I take TIME from my day to tell the creator that I didn't like it? No. I am fully aware this is all part of the deal, but I'll always find it strange. What's the point? What good does it do you or me to waste time on negative energy? I try so hard not to give into negativity of any kind. Sometimes I slip, we're all only human, but I do try.
Just because we are out there as a social media personality or performer of some kind, viewers do not think of us as real people. We are just there for their entertainment. To please them or not. Often, what is forgotten is that everyone is a real person with real feelings. Families and friends and sensitivities and good days and bad days. We get feelings hurt. We get vulnerable.
I've had run ins with people (usually grown men - which can be scary on its own to say the least) online and had to block and delete many times. When I feel it really crosses the boundaries is on facebook. Youtube is one thing. Youtube is worldwide. Gigantic. A vehicle of it's own I can't possibly control. It's not personal. My facebook, however, is. My family and friends and loved ones and real life contacts are there. I'd be lying if I said I didn't care when someone that I don't know well, or at all, takes the TIME to post something negative.
Come on. Let me have my little bit of internet space where I feel like it's still MINE. Still somewhat personal. I decided a long time ago, anything that may strike me as offensive, or I don't want my family and friends to see and get riled up about, I delete them from my friends. I don't know you, you don't know me. We owe each other nothing, and it's JUST FACEBOOK! Who cares if we can't be facebook friends? It doesn't mean I hate you, wish ill on you, it's "this is my space, I feel uncomfortable, I don't want to risk you doing it again and me waking up to negativity (you don't know what's going on in my life & maybe that was the last thing I needed that day), so I'd like to delete you." I have every right to do it.
People get sooooo bent out of shape and even post physically threatening status updates about me. That is a threat. I take that VERY SERIOUSLY. Grown men (maybe they're creepers and maybe they're not. Again, we DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER. So think about how you are coming across). You have a woman in your life in some form or another, daughter, sister, mother, niece, friend, etc how would you feel if she were threatened? It's Scary. Hurtful. You get the drift. I often won't write back, just delete. A couple of times I've reached out to try to explain myself in a message. This has proved itself to once again, not be worth it. Things get to crazy and even more uncomfortable for me.
So strange.
I guess I just want everyone watching to remember I'm a person with feelings and a life full of all kinds of things and people...just like you.
Think twice about that, please. About any entertainer out there.
You never truly know them. You never know the full story.
You never know why they are running their internet life the way they are. But there are big reasons.
Never do these people realize maybe I just plain don't want the drama. They comment negatively, the may get the onslaught of fans and friends who feel the need to insult them, stick up for me, and it becomes huge.
This is exactly why I don't let 99.9% of my real self out there onto the web, and why I don't let people in quickly.
This is also why, I suppose, people think I'm yelling at them in my message when I'm just trying to be as business like and calm as I can be.
I appreciate all the support!
That's it! :)
DM
Jul 9, 2010
25 Randoms
1- When I was in elementary I was scared of Bears. I thought they might even come into my classroom and get me. This fear is based in nothing other than my crazy imagination.
2- I eat a lot of dill pickles. My favorite food.
3- I've never broken a bone (knock on wood).
4- I still think saying "your mom" is funny.
5- I think the cutest male celebs are (in no particular order):
Michael C. Hall, Ryan Gosling, Joel McHale, Leonardo DiCaprio, Cillian Murphy, James Franco, Hayden Christensen, Robert Downy Jr., Stephen Moyer, Ryan Kwanten
6- I think the cutest female celebs are (in no particular order):
Angelina (okay she's my #1 always and forever). Evangeline Lily, Claire Danes, Evan Rachel Wood, Jessica Biel, Kristin Cavalleri, Kate Beckinsale, Gisele, Miranda Kerr, Olivia Palermo
7- I eat a lot of candy
8- I like sad movies best of all. Preferably romantic ones.
9- Airplanes make me feel claustrophobic. I don't like the feeling that I'm not in control and can't stop or get off when I want. #TypeAPersonality
10- "Billy Madison", "Napoleon Dynamite" and "Zoolander" are some of my fav funnies. Best quotes ever.
11- If I wasn't an actor I'd be a paleontologist.
12- I don't believe in regrets, other than not paying attention in math class. If I could, I'd love to study metaphysics. Stay in school & pay attention, kids! Science is where it's at!
13- I want to go to space.
14- I'm in the mood for christmas when it's summer and at christmas all I want is summer.
15- I like being by the ocean but not *in* it. Too dirty and I am not a good swimmer. I panic.
16- I stress that I won't see anything truly scientifically cool in my life. Time travel, life on other planets, etc.
17- I never used to get scared in horror movies until the last few years.
18- I like Twilight and I don't care what you say.
19- I really love my family.
20- I prefer to text or message. Only few do I talk to on the phone or even give my number to anymore.
21- I'm obsessed with the Legend of Zelda and have always wanted the triforce tattooed on me.
22- I want to travel so bad I can't stand it.
23- I've always wanted to shave my head at some point in my life, just to start fresh with my poor hair that's been dyed a zillion trillion times, and to say I've done it.
24- My favorite book is the Life of Pi. I'm obsessed with it.
25- I've always wanted to be a part of a utopian society (The Beach, Lord of the Flies, Animal Farm, The Village, etc) even though it would never be.
2- I eat a lot of dill pickles. My favorite food.
3- I've never broken a bone (knock on wood).
4- I still think saying "your mom" is funny.
5- I think the cutest male celebs are (in no particular order):
Michael C. Hall, Ryan Gosling, Joel McHale, Leonardo DiCaprio, Cillian Murphy, James Franco, Hayden Christensen, Robert Downy Jr., Stephen Moyer, Ryan Kwanten
6- I think the cutest female celebs are (in no particular order):
Angelina (okay she's my #1 always and forever). Evangeline Lily, Claire Danes, Evan Rachel Wood, Jessica Biel, Kristin Cavalleri, Kate Beckinsale, Gisele, Miranda Kerr, Olivia Palermo
7- I eat a lot of candy
8- I like sad movies best of all. Preferably romantic ones.
9- Airplanes make me feel claustrophobic. I don't like the feeling that I'm not in control and can't stop or get off when I want. #TypeAPersonality
10- "Billy Madison", "Napoleon Dynamite" and "Zoolander" are some of my fav funnies. Best quotes ever.
11- If I wasn't an actor I'd be a paleontologist.
12- I don't believe in regrets, other than not paying attention in math class. If I could, I'd love to study metaphysics. Stay in school & pay attention, kids! Science is where it's at!
13- I want to go to space.
14- I'm in the mood for christmas when it's summer and at christmas all I want is summer.
15- I like being by the ocean but not *in* it. Too dirty and I am not a good swimmer. I panic.
16- I stress that I won't see anything truly scientifically cool in my life. Time travel, life on other planets, etc.
17- I never used to get scared in horror movies until the last few years.
18- I like Twilight and I don't care what you say.
19- I really love my family.
20- I prefer to text or message. Only few do I talk to on the phone or even give my number to anymore.
21- I'm obsessed with the Legend of Zelda and have always wanted the triforce tattooed on me.
22- I want to travel so bad I can't stand it.
23- I've always wanted to shave my head at some point in my life, just to start fresh with my poor hair that's been dyed a zillion trillion times, and to say I've done it.
24- My favorite book is the Life of Pi. I'm obsessed with it.
25- I've always wanted to be a part of a utopian society (The Beach, Lord of the Flies, Animal Farm, The Village, etc) even though it would never be.
Jul 7, 2010
I would like...
To be the muse of Marin Scorsese or Quentin Tarantino.
Even (and I know you'll disagree) M Night.
To be super rich so I could travel.
To travel.
To have a vacation.
To be on a beach.
To visit a new country.
To have homes on the East & West coast.
Did I mention travel?
To do a million things I've never done before.
To see a million places I've never seen before.
To be changed and humbled by the what's out there in the
world that I can only for now imagine...
Deena Marie
Even (and I know you'll disagree) M Night.
To be super rich so I could travel.
To travel.
To have a vacation.
To be on a beach.
To visit a new country.
To have homes on the East & West coast.
Did I mention travel?
To do a million things I've never done before.
To see a million places I've never seen before.
To be changed and humbled by the what's out there in the
world that I can only for now imagine...
Deena Marie
Jul 6, 2010
I have learned...
I am sensitive when I don't want to admit it.
Us humans are so resilient it's mind blowing.
While ignorance is bliss...as you grow older and see those younger than you making such ignorant mistakes, I wouldn't trade what I know now for the world. I have a new understanding of the outcome of both hurting and respecting others.
Believe in yourself when nobody else does.
You really can't depend on anyone but yourself (and hopefully your family).
A quote I recently came across that I'm currently in love with...
"At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want." -Lao Tzu
And a reminder for us all:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
xo Deena Marie
Us humans are so resilient it's mind blowing.
While ignorance is bliss...as you grow older and see those younger than you making such ignorant mistakes, I wouldn't trade what I know now for the world. I have a new understanding of the outcome of both hurting and respecting others.
Believe in yourself when nobody else does.
You really can't depend on anyone but yourself (and hopefully your family).
A quote I recently came across that I'm currently in love with...
"At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want." -Lao Tzu
And a reminder for us all:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
xo Deena Marie
Jul 5, 2010
My Baby
I'd never had a pet until Noodles. I was only allowed to have fish growing up. My very first puppy. He turns 3 in August. I got him when he was about 3 months old. He changed my life. I had no idea what it's like to have a bond with an animal like that. He turned me into the biggest animal lover. He made me care SO much. Pets are SO special. They can't tell you they don't want to go home with you and live with you. They can't tell you they're unhappy or something hurts. It's your job to give them the BEST life that you can. They love you no matter what. They are there to comfort you when nobody else is. Noodles never leaves my side. He always knows what I'm feeling. He is SO precious to me. He's my baby. We're so bonded. My sweetheart is always pointing out the ways we're alike. :)
Last night we got home from Park City where we'd spent the night. My mom and slept over at my house to watch him (told you he is the baby). We got home and as we went upstairs he looked like he had a hard time getting up the last few steps. We went in the kitchen to eat dinner and he was having a hard time sitting for a treat. Both very unusual for him. He'd sit about halfway and it looked like he couldn't do it and he'd stand back up. After trying a few times, he wouldn't try at at all. We had him do the stairs a few times and he could do a few, then he'd struggle. His front legs were fine but it looked like something was wrong with one or both of his back legs, I couldn't tell. When he stopped, almost stuck on the stairs, that's when we knew we needed to go to the emergency. He didn't seem in pain, but he'd never done this. I've seen a few chihuahuas, one very recently that belongs to our friends that was suddenly paralyzed and put in wheels. I was so worried something was wrong with his legs or spine.
The Doctors were great, they figure it could be a bulging disc or muscle soreness. We also found out he has a knee cap that can come out of place easily. The Dr. said we probably wouldn't see much with an x-ray, so to go home and keep an eye on him. To carry him and not let him do stairs for awhile, not let him jump up or down from the couch. He gave us prednisone, muscle relaxer and a pain killer.
I can go on auto pilot and be tough for the baby up until the end. When we were sitting in the lobby waiting for the meds, two ladies came in with a big german shepherd. It was laying on the floor, it was an old dog. Two nurses came by, and he had to be picked up by them and carried him into one of the rooms, he was barely moving. That's when I lost it. Other than hurrying Noodles to the vet with a bee sting (which also traumatized me), I never really imagined that he'd get sick, or hurt, or ever need to go to the emergency.
I feel like he'll always be here. I've never really thought about the fact that one day he'll get old. I can't even fathom that he won't live by my side forever. So many thoughts went through my head. If your baby is sick, how do you make tough decisions? How do you decide to put them in the wheels or put them down? What if the unthinkable happens and you don't have them as long as you think you will? I started thinking about my aunts who both had old dogs who recently had to be put down. What is that like? To say goodbye, to see your baby laying there for the last time? I was seeing the images of when I first laid eyes on him and knew he was the one. I remember picking him up to take him home. I was so nervous, he was just out of a bath and they'd put a little blue bandanna on him. I remember the first night home. My sweetheart said Noodles would cry and we couldn't pick him up and put him in our bed, he needed to learn to sleep in his bed from the start. He cried all night and so did I. :)
I'm VERY grateful that it was what it was. But I was reminded how fragile Noodles is, how delicate. He's got a tiny little body with tiny little legs and isn't as tough as I (or he) thinks he is.
He's doing great today, I know he'll LOVE the extra attention & being carried around. He's taking his meds-on a treat, and seems totally like himself.
Never take your pets for granted, remember that you chose THEM and took them into your home and you owe it to them to give them the best. Always take them to the Dr. at the smallest sign of them acting out of the ordinary. If you have a pup or a pet, give them an extra squeeze today!
Deena Marie <3
Jun 29, 2010
What will I do?
Week one of "HAIR" is done. Recharging, resting my voice until thursday now. Three weeks left. That's it. Do you know how fast that will go by? I rarely get caught up in the "what will I do post show" anymore. But this time is different. I have a feeling I'm gonna be a little blue. Sure there will be other shows. Things already look *potentially* good. But it's my "HAIR". I want to do it forever. I want to do it for a month after. Two months after. A year! Everything about the show is truly kismet and I am so in love with it I don't know how long it will take me to get over it.
So. I've checked nearly all my dream roles off my to do list. Almost all of them. Let's put some wishes out into the universe, shall we?
1.) Gypsy
I've wanted to play Gypsy for years. Come on, it's perfect. Will someone put this on already?
2.) The Donkey Show
I was THISCLOSE to getting it Off Broadway in NYC. Now it's playing through 2010 at American Rep.
Let's do this here. I'd love to play Tatania, but I'll take about anything.
3.) Romeo & Juliet
Juliet. I'm a chick, what can I say.
4.) Chicago
I'll take Velma or Roxy
5.) Summer and Smoke
Alma. It's been one of my favorite plays since I was in high school.
And...let's throw in a Urinetown, a Jekyll and Hyde, a King and I, I'm sure there's a few more.
Okay universe, work your magic!
Deena Marie xo
So. I've checked nearly all my dream roles off my to do list. Almost all of them. Let's put some wishes out into the universe, shall we?
1.) Gypsy
I've wanted to play Gypsy for years. Come on, it's perfect. Will someone put this on already?
2.) The Donkey Show
I was THISCLOSE to getting it Off Broadway in NYC. Now it's playing through 2010 at American Rep.
Let's do this here. I'd love to play Tatania, but I'll take about anything.
3.) Romeo & Juliet
Juliet. I'm a chick, what can I say.
4.) Chicago
I'll take Velma or Roxy
5.) Summer and Smoke
Alma. It's been one of my favorite plays since I was in high school.
And...let's throw in a Urinetown, a Jekyll and Hyde, a King and I, I'm sure there's a few more.
Okay universe, work your magic!
Deena Marie xo
Jun 26, 2010
"HAIR" opening night!
Last night was the opening night of "HAIR".
What a surreal day. It was THE day. The day I'd waited for for years. I just wanted it to go well. To be special.
It was. It was maybe my favorite opening night yet. It felt fun. It felt right. It felt magical.
It was a rare moment in life where everyone and everything was as it should be. These people, this building, this night.
During the last song was when I could feel it sweep over me at it's strongest. I felt more than ever I was living in THAT MOMENT. Right now. Letting it in, feeling so much. Almost unexplainable. AND we got a standing ovation!
I've done this a LONG time. I've done some absolutely amazing things in my career this far. But I don't know that it will ever feel quite like THAT again.
Wow.
That's when you know there is a higher power, energy, whatever it is that creates good. That does look out for you at times and for whatever reason gives you something truly special .
I'm so grateful for this experience I could burst.
Jun 23, 2010
Hypocrisy, Forgiveness & Perfection
On my mind...
The definition of Forgiveness:
To excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon.
To renounce anger or resentment against.
I never thought I'd be one to forgive. How can you forgive when you can't forget? And when I've been wronged, I'm an elephant. I held onto grudge like nobody's business.
A great blog on Holding a grudge:
http://drjoelwade.blogspot.com/2005/03/dont-hold-grudge.html
An excerpt: "To hold a grudge is to keep yourself in a Mercurial orbit about whatever has hurt you. To accept what has happened, to forgive when and as you genuinely can, and to will yourself to look around at the larger context within which that solar event is but a point of light, is to give yourself the gift of a continuing journey."
I've learned (I'm still learning) that it's okay to change your mind and ideals. I've recently forgiven something big and I couldn't be happier about it. Consider forgiveness for each fall-out you may have. Time and reflection make a difference. Honor the guts it must take someone to come back with an apology. Especially if it's something you couldn't have done yourself. I thought that forgiving would make me a hypocrite (next section below) but I no longer believe that to be true.
A quote: "If you are at war with others you cannot be at peace with yourself".
* * * * *
Definition of a Hypocrite: a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue and religion.
a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings.
Definition of Hypocrisy: the act of persistently professing beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities or standards that are inconsistent with ones actions. Hypocrisy is thus a kind of lie.
Hypocrisy scares the bejesus out of me. I know we all do it. Now if we mean to or not, is another story. I am who I am. I've always been myself and true to what I believe to be right, right for me. I don't worry about what people think, or people pleasing. I could care less. I think everyone should be that way, and stand up for themselves and their beliefs. What I can't get past are people that blatantly tell one person of their hatred for someone or something, then go to that very person or place and shower them with compliments. Who are you lying to? What's true? How can there be any kind of trust in friendship when you live your life that way? When done in such a calculated manner, it's something I'll never understand.
A quote: "Every man alone is sincere. At the entrance of a second person, hypocrisy begins. We parry and fend the approach of our fellow-man by compliments, by gossip, by amusements, by affairs. We cover up our thought from him under a hundred folds."
On my mind...
* * * * *
The definition of Perfection:
freedom from fault or defect.
An unsurpassable degree of accuracy or excellence.
Just googling and reading the definitions alone makes me laugh. Freedom from fault or defect? Unsurpassable excellence or accuracy? Well, that's impossible so that should make perfectionists breathe a little sigh of relief. I used to be the queen of the perfectionists. This manifested itself over the years in different ways. Too personal to get into now. But physically, mentally, emotionally, you name it. I used to beat myself up over my "lack of perfection" like you wouldn't believe. It was enough to ruin a day, a week, an entire experience. With time and growing up I've naturally chilled out. I've learned to savor and enjoy much more than I ever would have thought possible. But every now and then I'll get hit with it. Maybe it won't last as long, but that feeling can come up out of nowhere to bite me again. Maybe it's something I'll always struggle with at various times in my life. Maybe when I have a handle on one aspect it will sneak into another. I currently know where it's living, so I'm keeping an eye on it.
A quote: "Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing"
xo DMM
The definition of Forgiveness:
To excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon.
To renounce anger or resentment against.
I never thought I'd be one to forgive. How can you forgive when you can't forget? And when I've been wronged, I'm an elephant. I held onto grudge like nobody's business.
A great blog on Holding a grudge:
http://drjoelwade.blogspot.com/2005/03/dont-hold-grudge.html
An excerpt: "To hold a grudge is to keep yourself in a Mercurial orbit about whatever has hurt you. To accept what has happened, to forgive when and as you genuinely can, and to will yourself to look around at the larger context within which that solar event is but a point of light, is to give yourself the gift of a continuing journey."
I've learned (I'm still learning) that it's okay to change your mind and ideals. I've recently forgiven something big and I couldn't be happier about it. Consider forgiveness for each fall-out you may have. Time and reflection make a difference. Honor the guts it must take someone to come back with an apology. Especially if it's something you couldn't have done yourself. I thought that forgiving would make me a hypocrite (next section below) but I no longer believe that to be true.
A quote: "If you are at war with others you cannot be at peace with yourself".
* * * * *
Definition of a Hypocrite: a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue and religion.
a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings.
Definition of Hypocrisy: the act of persistently professing beliefs, opinions, virtues, feelings, qualities or standards that are inconsistent with ones actions. Hypocrisy is thus a kind of lie.
Hypocrisy scares the bejesus out of me. I know we all do it. Now if we mean to or not, is another story. I am who I am. I've always been myself and true to what I believe to be right, right for me. I don't worry about what people think, or people pleasing. I could care less. I think everyone should be that way, and stand up for themselves and their beliefs. What I can't get past are people that blatantly tell one person of their hatred for someone or something, then go to that very person or place and shower them with compliments. Who are you lying to? What's true? How can there be any kind of trust in friendship when you live your life that way? When done in such a calculated manner, it's something I'll never understand.
A quote: "Every man alone is sincere. At the entrance of a second person, hypocrisy begins. We parry and fend the approach of our fellow-man by compliments, by gossip, by amusements, by affairs. We cover up our thought from him under a hundred folds."
On my mind...
* * * * *
The definition of Perfection:
freedom from fault or defect.
An unsurpassable degree of accuracy or excellence.
Just googling and reading the definitions alone makes me laugh. Freedom from fault or defect? Unsurpassable excellence or accuracy? Well, that's impossible so that should make perfectionists breathe a little sigh of relief. I used to be the queen of the perfectionists. This manifested itself over the years in different ways. Too personal to get into now. But physically, mentally, emotionally, you name it. I used to beat myself up over my "lack of perfection" like you wouldn't believe. It was enough to ruin a day, a week, an entire experience. With time and growing up I've naturally chilled out. I've learned to savor and enjoy much more than I ever would have thought possible. But every now and then I'll get hit with it. Maybe it won't last as long, but that feeling can come up out of nowhere to bite me again. Maybe it's something I'll always struggle with at various times in my life. Maybe when I have a handle on one aspect it will sneak into another. I currently know where it's living, so I'm keeping an eye on it.
A quote: "Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing"
xo DMM
Jun 16, 2010
Oh, just rehearsing...
If you would have told me ten years ago that I'd grow up to play most of the dream roles I'd wanted to play, to be onstage *knock on wood* regularly, that I'd hear of a musical called "HAIR" one day, fall in love with it from the first time I heard "Flesh Failures" and think to myself, "I'd give anything to play Sheila", wait six years for the opportunity and finally get it, I probably would have passed right out.
Today is June 16th. We open on the 25th.
It happens as it does every time. The first day of rehearsal seems so far away. Then it's here. A week or so in things feel impossible and you wonder why you do this to yourself. A day or two later you're over the hump and you remember that anything is possible. Before you know it you're a week away. Then you'll have a month of performing...and that will be that.
I have a little over a month to live in the world of "HAIR".
This one has really, really got to me. It's different. It's so precious, so special. I've had hardly any other distractions. I haven't split my focus on anything else. I needed to have this experience 100%.
Isn't acting weird? We live for this. For fleeting moments of pure happiness. For total heartbreak when it's over. For the hope of what's next. For falling in love all over again with a new role. It never changes through time. It's what we gave ourselves to years ago, and that's that.
A job where you don't get to pick. You don't choose when you'll work and when you wont. You are ready and willing and hungry at every moment. You get two hours at night to do that job. A magic, unexplainable two hours when all is right in the world and you can feel it from the inside out, this is what I was meant to do.
xo Deena Marie
Jun 12, 2010
Update from last post - SUNLOVE Beauty Scandal
Get a load of this!
Please read my last blog if you haven't!
Apparently I'm not the first to go through the SUNLOVE scam/abuse.
After putting the word out of my own personal experience, I've been sent many links to videos, blogs, screen shots & more from other (young female internet personalities) who have gone through the same thing.
Take a look at this and read the comment section!!
http://www.contently-managed.com/blog/2009/09/28/beauty-and-the-beast-is-sunlove-attitude-as-fake-as-their-tan-or-is-fuck-off-the-way-forward-in-social-media/
Video from a youtuber
more youtubers are mentioned that sunlove treated poorly
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HqREjxSJeQ
And her blog:
http://www.gemsmaquillage.com/2009/09/important.html
Another
"Abuse from SunLove"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HFDSzee-Ro
Another
"SunLove Drama"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKcPBs_26Ds
And another - This one is especially an important read
"Tanning Scams"
Several "SunLove Drama" blog entries here
http://tanningscam.blogspot.com/
And (as I'm updating this blog from a couple of days ago) just today (June 14, 2010) I received another menacing message to my youtube account from Darian Braun.
Looking at the comments on that first blog post, if he really is a 50 year old man... I'm speechless.
I believe all of the above to be completely true, that he's the only person behind SunLove. That he doesn't pay up, that there is an excuse after excuse for awhile, then he threatens, harasses and tells YOU to apologize to HIM. Meanwhile, he's either made off with your money or hasn't paid you. BEWARE.
And I'm glad the word is out.
xo
Deena
Please read my last blog if you haven't!
Apparently I'm not the first to go through the SUNLOVE scam/abuse.
After putting the word out of my own personal experience, I've been sent many links to videos, blogs, screen shots & more from other (young female internet personalities) who have gone through the same thing.
Take a look at this and read the comment section!!
http://www.contently-managed.com/blog/2009/09/28/beauty-and-the-beast-is-sunlove-attitude-as-fake-as-their-tan-or-is-fuck-off-the-way-forward-in-social-media/
Video from a youtuber
more youtubers are mentioned that sunlove treated poorly
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HqREjxSJeQ
And her blog:
http://www.gemsmaquillage.com/2009/09/important.html
Another
"Abuse from SunLove"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8HFDSzee-Ro
Another
"SunLove Drama"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKcPBs_26Ds
And another - This one is especially an important read
"Tanning Scams"
Several "SunLove Drama" blog entries here
http://tanningscam.blogspot.com/
And (as I'm updating this blog from a couple of days ago) just today (June 14, 2010) I received another menacing message to my youtube account from Darian Braun.
Looking at the comments on that first blog post, if he really is a 50 year old man... I'm speechless.
I believe all of the above to be completely true, that he's the only person behind SunLove. That he doesn't pay up, that there is an excuse after excuse for awhile, then he threatens, harasses and tells YOU to apologize to HIM. Meanwhile, he's either made off with your money or hasn't paid you. BEWARE.
And I'm glad the word is out.
xo
Deena
Jun 11, 2010
Sun Love Beauty - scandal
If you've seen my tweets the last two days you know something went bad with a business deal I was doing with Sun Love Beauty, which is a self tanner. Let me tell you in detail what happened and why I was mad enough to tweet publicly.
Over three months ago I was contacted several times from Sun Love Beauty's youtube channel via messages. They wanted to pay me to do a video promoting their product. I've done this for various companies numerous times. I've never had a bad experience. When this kind of business goes on, in my experience, there hasn't always been a contract signed. I was feeling trusting, it was not only a fellow youtuber but a real business. After checking out their website I agreed.
At first we discussed ideas of spoofs, the contact who was writing back & forth with me throughout signed the emails Darian. He was very nice. I came up with Little Miss Honey Bee using the product in a fake commercial and told him it would be awhile, as securing studio space and editing green screen takes awhile.
The deal was to have the video autoplay on my channel for about a week, tweet, promote, etc. I did more and left it up longer. When I emailed Darian at youtube Sun Love the link he wrote back saying thank you, that he was having a bad day and he was cheered up by my video, etc. And that he had 125 units of lip gloss he was going to give me.
No mention of payment was included in his message. I waited awhile and finally wrote to ask (and I hate being the one to broach it) what the time frame was of being paid, finishing up this deal. I should mention this was not for much money, at all. The money itself was never the issue. What began to bother me more and more, as you'll read, is the fact that they were flaking on me.
I had been able to write back and forth with Darian regularly. I always quickly responded to him and vice versa. Suddenly it was becoming quite difficult to get a response.
The next message I get is that he was away for passover and wasn't there to sign checks and would take care of it asap.
I wait another couple weeks...nothing. I write back and a message comes back awhile later saying Darian is in the hospital with heart trouble. This time it's signed with a different name.
I wait a few more weeks. Nothing. I write back, I resened, I wait. Then Dairan writes back telling me he's stopped checking the youtube messages as often and he's still not feeling well, god is telling him to slow down. He asks if I can please email him instead.
We start to email and the first response back, he doesn't know who I am and I have to explain. He says he doesn't recognize me without my youtube name (even though I've always signed our messages with my real name.) I'm told he's sent someone over to another office to find out what's going on with my payment, as he had issued that over a week ago.
I hear again a payment was sent and am given some 4 digit tracking number.
I keep trying to get ahold of someone and nobody seems to want to help anymore so yesterday is when I tweeted, warning others that doing business with them is shady. In my experience, it absolutely was. I don't want another youtuber putting the time and effort into making them a video to help them promote, and getting ripped off. If I can warn them, then I'll do it.
Now I'm tweeted back that the video wasn't what they wanted so it didn't benefit them. In their tweets they tell me "you were hired to do satire and you did your own thing" and that I "have a lot of nerve".
Let me link to my video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-OSQH3cz9pI
Let me define satire.
satiric - satirical: exposing human folly to ridicule; "a persistent campaign of mockery by the satirical fortnightly magazine"
wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
satirist - a humorist who uses ridicule and irony and sarcasm
wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
Now there is an internet battle. So. Lame. I tweet them back telling me they have a lot of nerve for deciding NOW the video wasn't what they wanted.
This just in.
I check my email, and Darian has sent me several emails. First he's outraged that I made fun of passover? And called him a liar (heart trouble)? I tell him uh, no, nothing is being made fun of, I'm merely listing the excuses for why I wasn't paid. Did I use the word liar? Nope. Did I make fun of a religion? Nope. Wether the excuses I was given were true or false, those were what I was told. I get two more that say I might want to mention (insert here other terrible things that have happened to him) and that he's going to make this personal, that I need to apologize, I'm not important to the company, that we had discussed a pink house and I made it green (I have no idea what that means, we've never discussed a house lol so now clearly, things are being made up) so how can I want money when I didn't do what he asked, (again, there was a deal to make a video and be paid and this is the first I'm hearing that they didn't approve the video) to GO TO HELL and that he wishes he WAS A WOMAN SO HE COULD BEAT MY ASS. Yes. He said that. Yes, I'm saving all of this. Yes, he's threatened me.
At the end of the day, I think my point is proven. Never in my life have I encountered business people like this. In the end they win, they got a video out of me and had no intention to pay me. If I mean that little to their company, they should laugh at my foolishness (no contracts signed) and go on about their day. But no. I get threats! Unreal. If they're gonna be like this, you bet I'll spread the word.
I hesitated with making it public, it's just more promotion for them. I don't know if they realize that.
Probably. They're probably having a good laugh over this, the messing around with me.
Nobody is that dumb. They can't be for real.
But like I said, I don't want fellow youtubers having to deal with this.
And like I've said, I have every bit of correspondence saved.
I stand by everything I've said / sent to them. I'm guilty of nothing other than persistence.
Wow....
Moral of the story, kids. Always sign a contract!
Be CAREFUL who you trust online.
Over three months ago I was contacted several times from Sun Love Beauty's youtube channel via messages. They wanted to pay me to do a video promoting their product. I've done this for various companies numerous times. I've never had a bad experience. When this kind of business goes on, in my experience, there hasn't always been a contract signed. I was feeling trusting, it was not only a fellow youtuber but a real business. After checking out their website I agreed.
At first we discussed ideas of spoofs, the contact who was writing back & forth with me throughout signed the emails Darian. He was very nice. I came up with Little Miss Honey Bee using the product in a fake commercial and told him it would be awhile, as securing studio space and editing green screen takes awhile.
The deal was to have the video autoplay on my channel for about a week, tweet, promote, etc. I did more and left it up longer. When I emailed Darian at youtube Sun Love the link he wrote back saying thank you, that he was having a bad day and he was cheered up by my video, etc. And that he had 125 units of lip gloss he was going to give me.
No mention of payment was included in his message. I waited awhile and finally wrote to ask (and I hate being the one to broach it) what the time frame was of being paid, finishing up this deal. I should mention this was not for much money, at all. The money itself was never the issue. What began to bother me more and more, as you'll read, is the fact that they were flaking on me.
I had been able to write back and forth with Darian regularly. I always quickly responded to him and vice versa. Suddenly it was becoming quite difficult to get a response.
The next message I get is that he was away for passover and wasn't there to sign checks and would take care of it asap.
I wait another couple weeks...nothing. I write back and a message comes back awhile later saying Darian is in the hospital with heart trouble. This time it's signed with a different name.
I wait a few more weeks. Nothing. I write back, I resened, I wait. Then Dairan writes back telling me he's stopped checking the youtube messages as often and he's still not feeling well, god is telling him to slow down. He asks if I can please email him instead.
We start to email and the first response back, he doesn't know who I am and I have to explain. He says he doesn't recognize me without my youtube name (even though I've always signed our messages with my real name.) I'm told he's sent someone over to another office to find out what's going on with my payment, as he had issued that over a week ago.
I hear again a payment was sent and am given some 4 digit tracking number.
I keep trying to get ahold of someone and nobody seems to want to help anymore so yesterday is when I tweeted, warning others that doing business with them is shady. In my experience, it absolutely was. I don't want another youtuber putting the time and effort into making them a video to help them promote, and getting ripped off. If I can warn them, then I'll do it.
Now I'm tweeted back that the video wasn't what they wanted so it didn't benefit them. In their tweets they tell me "you were hired to do satire and you did your own thing" and that I "have a lot of nerve".
Let me link to my video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-OSQH3cz9pI
Let me define satire.
satiric - satirical: exposing human folly to ridicule; "a persistent campaign of mockery by the satirical fortnightly magazine"
wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
satirist - a humorist who uses ridicule and irony and sarcasm
wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
Now there is an internet battle. So. Lame. I tweet them back telling me they have a lot of nerve for deciding NOW the video wasn't what they wanted.
This just in.
I check my email, and Darian has sent me several emails. First he's outraged that I made fun of passover? And called him a liar (heart trouble)? I tell him uh, no, nothing is being made fun of, I'm merely listing the excuses for why I wasn't paid. Did I use the word liar? Nope. Did I make fun of a religion? Nope. Wether the excuses I was given were true or false, those were what I was told. I get two more that say I might want to mention (insert here other terrible things that have happened to him) and that he's going to make this personal, that I need to apologize, I'm not important to the company, that we had discussed a pink house and I made it green (I have no idea what that means, we've never discussed a house lol so now clearly, things are being made up) so how can I want money when I didn't do what he asked, (again, there was a deal to make a video and be paid and this is the first I'm hearing that they didn't approve the video) to GO TO HELL and that he wishes he WAS A WOMAN SO HE COULD BEAT MY ASS. Yes. He said that. Yes, I'm saving all of this. Yes, he's threatened me.
At the end of the day, I think my point is proven. Never in my life have I encountered business people like this. In the end they win, they got a video out of me and had no intention to pay me. If I mean that little to their company, they should laugh at my foolishness (no contracts signed) and go on about their day. But no. I get threats! Unreal. If they're gonna be like this, you bet I'll spread the word.
I hesitated with making it public, it's just more promotion for them. I don't know if they realize that.
Probably. They're probably having a good laugh over this, the messing around with me.
Nobody is that dumb. They can't be for real.
But like I said, I don't want fellow youtubers having to deal with this.
And like I've said, I have every bit of correspondence saved.
I stand by everything I've said / sent to them. I'm guilty of nothing other than persistence.
Wow....
Moral of the story, kids. Always sign a contract!
Be CAREFUL who you trust online.
Jun 2, 2010
Yes I changed my hair. I do it often.
Every time I change my hair it's a huge deal....to some of you guys.
Never to me.
What you may not realize, is my hair has been every color and cut known to man. Within the last three years alone I've been a brunette, pitch black, bright red and blonde.
It's a never ending cycle. Change is good. I'll always be mixing it up, and have for over ten years.
Everyone has their favorite, and whatever mine is at the moment is mine.
I haven't seen my natural (medium brown / with a reddish tone) in years.
I strongly encourage gals & guys to embrace change and have fun! I know some people are afraid to cut, dye, etc. Don't be. It's a ton of fun and the quickest way to spruce up your look.
Okay? Okay. LOLZ :)
Deena Marie
ABOVE PICS:
top one was taken yesterday
blonde is 2007
black is 2008
red is 2007
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