People are buggin'!

WORK.
In the last week, I've come across not one, not two, but SIX flaky business people. Nearly half an hour late to a meeting and no apology. Not showing up on time at a designated meeting spot, leaving me locked out and heading home. #WasteOfTimeAndGas Another three who have told me they want to hire me and are not good about details / getting back to me. Last but not least, another who suddenly keeps giving me the run around every time I have asked for the payment I am owed and is LONG overdue. Seriously? I was taught from the time I was a little girl that on time is 15 minutes early. That you NEVER flake. Gonna be late? CALL. Hold up your end of the bargain. Be responsible. This is business. This is you. Professionalism is EVERYTHING.

PLAY.
When did I make so many one sided friendships? When did people start expecting me to be the one to initiate everything? Why do I only come to YOU? Give YOU gifts (no, I don't care about presents, it's the gesture)? Listen to YOU on the phone and am never asked what's going on with me? Never congratulated on what I'm doing (when I've been the biggest cheerleader for these "friends")? *OR* It's the opposite. You want too much from me. You expect too much and show no appreciation (and in MY opinion, from my husband, too).

Enough already.

I don't appreciate being given the run around, treated poorly or taken advantage of.

I might have to stop giving second chances here :(

#Bummer

Utopia, ghosts and time travel...oh my!

Did you watch the "Lost" finale? What did you think?

I came into "Lost" a season or two late and was immediately captivated by it like I've never been by a show before. It had my perfect elements. One of the most intriguing ideas to me is that of creating a utopian society. "Animal Farm" is in my top three books of all time. I love the movie "The Beach" (even thought nobody else did) and have watched it a zillion times. Love "Lord of the Flies". I am fascinated by the idea of a group of people trying to create a place in which to live in perfect harmony, without leaders, (hippies, too) and how it's destined to divide, fall apart. Absolutely intrigued. Perhaps because there is a part of me that wants it and desperately wants to believe it could work.

I remember reading this in a book in elementary, "Believe in everything until it's proven to be untrue". I was a little girl with a giant imagination and wholeheartedly believed the impossible. For a long time. As I've grown up and began to realize I'm of a much more post modern mind (which saddens me), I still love to feel inspired by a true believer that something magic can happen.

Enter John Locke.

Couldn't walk until he landed on The Island? Knew it was his calling to be there? To lead (out the window goes utopia)? Oh. Oh my.

I had my favorite character, the one I wished I was. I spent a childhood waiting for something like that to happen to me. Wasn't I destined to be whisked away to rule a magical land? Here we have a grown man who waited his whole life for it to happen. And it did.

This is what made "Lost" so great for me.

Then came end of the season where we learn we've been seeing flash forwards. They've left the island. The scene where Jack & Kate meet and he's a mess and tells her he's spending his time flying over the ocean, hoping to crash to get back on the island, how they were never supposed to leave? One of the best moments I've ever seen on tv. Again...the hope of a magical place that does exist, where you're meant to be.

After that it got messy to me. Time Travel. Aside from "Donnie Darko", I have a hard time with time travel. It's frustrating and confusing. Here I desperately want to believe in the impossible, but time travel is truly scientific, mathematical, and I need concrete proof. Explanation.

Locke wasn't Locke anymore. I felt like he'd died in vain. It began to get into a story about good vs. evil. Jacob vs. the man in black (and wait a minute...didn't we already have Locke vs Ben?). It got a bit too mystical for me. Left too much unanswered. It became a story about too many things, characters, elements, etc. There was no way for it all to tie together or wrap up. But I never gave up on it. I was nervous for the finale, I thought it might end up being a show about, well, nothing.

What was this? What was this about? Would I ever know?

The end came. I watched all four and half hours. The true finale was the last two and a half hours and when it began I realized how much I wasn't ready to say goodbye. I don't even know how to put into words how I felt while I watched it. I have never ever been like this (felt like that) about a tv show. Actually, I've only felt like that one other time in my life, after reading "Life of Pi". I was so impacted by that when I read it over a year ago, I still think about it daily. I still discuss it with my sweetheart.

I think I cried through the whole thing. I felt like as messy as it had gotten, it ended with perfection. The characters coming together again, to be together in another place, the meant to be.

And then they were dead. Dead!

Here's where I need to tell you how much I love that element. "Sixth Sense", yes. "The Others", even better. And "Lost"? Wow. I never see it coming and it gets me every time! Why is it so...well...sad? We know learn that the sideways flashes were a kind of purgatory. A possibility that was suspected all along, turns out it was true, yet was a total surprise.

Now we have new realms opened up. Religion, yes. But even better, reincarnation. Could the purgatory/sideways flashes have, in fact been another life where they corrected their wrongs?

I won't be good at wrapping this up...I just needed to write my thoughts. I needed to tell the world how profound it was to me and how rare. I know why, a little bit. But I also don't know why. I don't know why I'm getting teary even writing this. I don't know why it bled over to the next day and physically affected me. I had a "Lost" hangover and red, swollen eyes.

I guess it's because I was a child who desperately wanted to believe in it all. Who knew better than to ever 'grow up' and lose that childhood magic. The belief that all things are possible. It begins to go in spite of our decision not to let it. It's inevitable. And "Lost" was so lovely it let me truly escape back to remembering what it was to innocently and simply believe in magic again...the meant to be.

I don't think there will ever be another show like that in my lifetime...

♥ ♫ I Believe in Love ♫ ♥

It starts. Tonight is our first "HAIR" rehearsal. I have a feeling this will be one of those plays. More than a play. A life changer. One of lifes magic moments. I have waited so long. I want to give in, give over and give to this and get from this.

Today is a new day.
There's been a lot on my mind lately that I've been pondering and wanting to change and I think today is the perfect day to begin.

In our profession we are so critical, catty, full of judgement. We're all narcissistic and think our way is the only way. That's the negative side. And I need a break from it. I am going to try my hardest to knock it off when I'm guilty of it and to not let the negativity of others in.

I need to remember we create our own reality and "nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent". If you have that, you have it all.

I want to live in positivity. In good. In love. That's all.
Just simplify and be vibrant and believe in me and what I have to give, and give it.

And relax. And enjoy the ride. And be kind. And draw kindness to me.

I want to savor my experiences, not stress so much. I choose to choose happiness at all times. Live peacefully. Everyone needs a reminder that we can't control what others will think or do, but we can control our actions and reactions. At the end of the day, we can be whoever we dream to be, to get all out of life that we want, to be happy...if we create it for ourselves. We can all use a reminder to stop and let the dust settle and focus on what matters most.

For me, I need to once again learn to go slow. To say no.

Yes. I think this is the perfect day to begin.

Ironman 2

Saw Ironman 2 last night. Wasn't as good as the first. Sequels seldom are. I swear to god every time I go to a movie the most annoying person in the crowd is next to me or behind me. Sure enough, two chicks behind us talked and laughed way too loudly through everything. I don't even like going to movies anymore. It's not comfortable, I shift the whole time 'cause the chairs hurt my bum and I cant stand strangers too close to me, chomping their food, texting, and talking like it's their own living room. Sofa king rude.

Anyway. Mickey Rourke was a badass. Now that's an actor for you. Such a small role, he had probably one page of dialogue and what a character he created! I wanted to see more of him. Sam Rockwell was great. You were so annoyed by him. Robert I'll always love but I wanted him to have cooler stuff to do, like in the first movie. The drunken fight in the house with Don Chedele was lame. Gwenyth I usually love, and she did a fine job, but I'm never sure what I think of the casting choice for Pepper. Then there was Scarlett Johanson. I don't think she holds her own alongside such heavyweights. She's the same in every movie. I didn't believe that she was that tough and kicking ass. She isn't physically right, she doesn't look strong. I read that Emily Blunt was supposed to play Black Widow originally. Now that would have been badass. Evangeline Lily would have been awesome, too.

I love superhero movies. I wanted to love this second one as much as the first, but I had moments where I zoned out. Granted, it was hard to concentrate with two chatterboxes behind me.

Spiderman is still my #1. I think I love just about everything about all three Spiderman movies. So far, nothing can beat it for me.

What is your favorite superhero series?

To be a "grown up"

Blogging is weird. I am private as can be all over the web...but what's the point of blogging if not to share yourself? Lucky you, whoever is reading this blog, you get the most insight into a day in the life of Deena Marie! :)

What does it mean to be a "grown up"? How do you know when you are? How do you know when you're an adult? I look at girls, er, women that I know who are starting families and I still can't quite fathom it. How do you know when you're ready to grow up and be a mom? How do you make the decision that you're not a kid anymore and it's time to go on to the next phase of your life? I see girls I went to high school with who have more than one baby and I just can't wrap my head around it. Right now I know countless ladies who have just had a baby, or gotten preg. I feel like such a baby myself I wonder if I'll ever feel differently. Should I? I have never been the girl who wanted to, in fact, grow up and be a mom. I have a mom. Mom. That's her job. That's not my job. I'm her baby. Mom. Seems so...old? But I look at the women I know and they certainly aren't old. I guess it's weird because I don't quite have those feelings and that...need? All I truly want is to keep performing. I can't imagine taking time out of doing what I am absolutely in love with to completely *change* my body and put myself through that. I can't imagine it almost at all. I'm not gonna lie, it's vanity. I'm in a vain profession. The thought of gaining baby weight and having to worry about losing it all stresses me the hell out. I can't imagine it would be an enjoyable physical condition for me. Don't get me wrong. Women who go through this are freaking rockstars. How unselfish and how awesome they are willing to do it. I just know when / if it's ever *gulp* me I have to be a zillion more times mentally ready than I am now. I would have to try to think of it as a break from, well, my life. Right now the last thing I want is a break. Is that wrong? Is it wrong I don't have those maternal instincts like other chicks? I love my puppy so much, as only other dog people will understand, I really can't imagine loving something more than him. He is my baby. He depends on me. I give him the best life ever. I can't imagine...more. The thought of a little baby sounds kinda cool..but then I think about it growing up, having to take it places, lessons, play dates, having to help it through heartbreak and hurt. Oh lord. At least I can protect my puppy at all times. I don't know that I'm cut out to be that responsible for someone else. Which brings me back to HOW DO YOU KNOW when it's time to grow up? I certainly don't have things 100% figured out! How could I ever be someones parent until I did? I don't want to lead any little baby astray. I very much have a sensitive side. I get my feelings hurt. How would I ever deal with a little human version of myself and my sweetheart getting their feelings hurt? Anyone who has anything negative to say about my puppy I want to punch in the face. I guess right now I like being the baby. I like my life just the way it is...and maybe that's totally ok. Maybe I'll be a slow bloomer in this respect, because I'm just not ready to grow up anytime soon.

In other news, yesterday was spent doing a photo shoot for Fresh Peaches swimwear. They sent me two lovely vintage inspired suits, photos will be used online and posters will be in their California store!

I also filmed you a video




Thanks for reading, watching, supporting, you know. :)
twitter.com/DeenaMarie

And so, it begins...HAIR

It's May! It came so fast! Do you know what this means? This is the month "HAIR" rehearsals start. I had such a busy April, with "Amerigo", "Persian Quarter" and on saturday, "And the Banned Slammed on". Other than a few auditions through the month, I'm now ready and able to immerse myself in full hippie-ness.

I've waited for this moment for so long. Years. I want to savor every second of this experience. Something tells me it will be life changing for all of us involved.

xo

Deena Marie

Baby

I just met one of my BFF's new baby boy! He is gorgeous. One week old, tomorrow. So crazy to see a close friend as a mom now. She went through a lot for him to be here, I am blown away and still trying to fathom it all. She's a superhero...and he's absolute perfection.

The Acting / Modeling Blog

I get asked for advice. A lot. I tend to stay vague, simple. There are very, very few with whom I discuss my true feelings and thoughts on a precious subject.

I live in Salt Lake City. There IS a professional scene here in town, but it is small. Very small. Obviously. On one hand, the NYC scene seemed small to me too. I began seeing the same people at auditions, but Salt Lake is it's own thing.

Let's talk theatre. I know actors who say it's too hard to have their equity card here, that there is no work. Others have asked if I think they should work towards getting theirs. Because we live where we live, this is a very individual thing. Taking my equity card, knock on wood, has been the best move I could have made. I have done at least two plays a year since and had great insurance that made very expensive prescription affordable when I needed it. I like being a professional. I like being taken seriously. I like working on a different level. To those wondering if they should, I'd say work at every professional theatre in town first. Make sure you know you can get cast there. If you are a straight actor as well as a musical theatre performer your chances at working more are much better. There is so much more opportunity to work professionally as a straight actor in this town, but we have more musical folks. Make sure you get roles first. Actual leading roles. No need to take your card if you're always chorus. You just won't work.

Training. Okay, this is touchy. I don't want to offend anyone, so I'm not sure how to say this. I trained and graduated in NYC. It was absolutely invaluable. I couldn't have come this far without it. Too many people in this town do not train. In my experience, and I've been doing this a long time, it is a VERY VERY VERY rare person who does not need to train. A workshop through a local agency is NOT sufficient. I'm not even going to comment on what I think of some of Utah's local BFA programs. This is why I stay out of conversations on acting, technique, etc. with most of my fellow actors. I'm over that part of it, at least for now. I lived that in NYC for years, and day in and day out that was ALL any of us could talk about. Now I'm more interested in who actors are if they AREN'T talking about acting. I feel what I've learned is from another world, and I'm on my own here that way. As I think back on the performances that blew me away, that forever changed me and made me want to do this in the first place, they were by polished, trained performers. Down the road I believe that the best form of training is doing it, but formal training is the starting point.

Now let's talk film and modeling. I have the best agents in SLC. Do I work a lot? Not a lot as it's not LA. Have I booked jobs? Yes. Is it worth having representation? Yes. What blows my mind is how many "actors" I come across who think they don't need representation, who think they can do it all on their own. I guess it's one thing if this is your hobby, not your career and it's worth your time to go out with a group of "filmmakers" and collaboratively shoot your student film. If you don't want to make any money or work professionally, then by all means knock yourselves out. But it's just playing pretend. It's not serious. Look at it this way, don't you at least want to get sent on auditions that you wouldn't know about otherwise? Isn't opportunity what we're all looking for?

Modeling here is nuts. Any and every girl seems to call herself a model because they've got a Model Mayhem page and have done a few TFCD shoots. That's great to build up your portfolio...and hell, I'll still shoot an occasional TFCD if the photographer is great and can offer me something I've yet to do, but please. There are "models" in this town who, I'm going to say it, don't look anything like models. Try your hand at the biz anywhere else? A big city? You'd be in for a rude awakening. I am surprised to see how many people there are playing "pretend". Doing shoots, uploading mediocre photo after mediocre photo, from mediocre photographer after mediocre photographer. I guess if it's all in good fun and again, a hobby, it's okay. But there are people I've come across that take it all WAY to seriously.

Again, "filmmakers" who don't have a reel to show you?! Who talk a big game but don't have a script for you to read. Who have learned a few lines from their Acting 101 manual that they can toss you to "entice" you.

There are so many bogus agencies here, and the fact that they're in business and suckers keep on falling for it BLOW MY MIND!

It's hard to have tolerance, patience.

I have decided to become even more selective with who I work with and the connections I make. I work too hard, I've built to much to let others share in it who don't deserve it.

I'm not trying to be a bitch, just smart. Professional. An adult.

One persons opinion. You know how it is, "one persons opinion" is what we tell ourselves in this business each time we don't agree with something. :) We are all narcissistic (yes, we are or why would we chose this path?) we all think we're right.

So there you have it, folks. My personal opinion.
A personal opinion from someone who does this as a career...not a hobby.

xo Deena Marie

Spring Cleaning

So I've deleted my myspace page. RIP myspace. Over 5 K friends no more. There was just no point. I don't use it, I don't communicate with anyone there like I do on facebook, twitter, youtube, etc. I didn't like that there was a site floating around with a bunch of my stuff on it that I wasn't regularly checking and monitoring. Feels good to have one less website to worry about!

Spring cleaning. I've also started a massive undertaking of cleaning out my closet and REALLY trying this time to get rid of things I've had for years and don't wear. I mean YEARS. I feel like I'll want it as soon as I throw it out but let's face it, some of this is in just plain poor condition. Plus at the rate I shop I need to make room. I smell an ebay sale for the special pieces I'm about to part with!

Thank god it's finally spring. This was the longest winter of my life. I need summer, I need warmth and sun!

What else can I clear out and or make room for this spring?

What about the spring cleaning of people and connections?

There are some people, I've learned I need to be more careful with. I can't loose energy over one sided friendships. I can't give if I rarely receive. Just like I can't seek people out to work together if they're not as confident and excited as I am from the get go. People who condescend or give only backhanded compliments are NOT worth a second thought. They also no longer phases me, I just feel embarrassed me FOR them. I'm also learning to forgive and move forward with other people. It feels good to "grow up". :)

xo Deena Marie

Things that don't happen everyday...

I got asked to model for a pinup magazine...
and to be the centerfold!

Do you want one? http://www.sundayslacker.com
Find Sunday Slacker on twitter and facebook

It was FREEZING the day we shot but so much fun!
The car was a 1932 black roadster w/red interior...isn't she beautiful?

Photographer: Terry Cullop
Hair/MUA: Denise Christensen
Dress is from www.pinupgirlclothing.com

I just got my copies in the mail today! So rad!

April 13, 2010 Day of Love!

Happy anniversary to my sweetheart!
To the love of my life, the one who changed my life.
It only gets better and better and better,
every day I have with you!

Suffering from nostalgia...

NOSTALGIA: The term nostalgia describes a yearning for the past, often in idealized form.[1] The word is a learned formation of a Greek compounds, consisting of νόστος, nóstos, "returning home", a Homeric word, and ἄλγος, álgos, "pain" or "ache". It was described as a medical condition, a form of melancholy, in the Early Modern period, and came to be an important topic in Romanticism.[1]

In common, less clinical usage, nostalgia sometimes includes a general interest in past eras and their personalities and events, especially the "good old days" of a few generations back recast in an idyllic light, such as the Belle Époque, Merry England, Neo-Victorian aesthetics, the US "Antebellum" Old South, etc. Sometimes it is brought on by a sudden image, or remembrance of something from one's childhood.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I don't let a lot of people in to my world, and I don't often expose my truest self as I am a fiercely private, guarded person. Writing is therapeutic for me. I need to do it, and I like to blog...but always find myself going back and forth between how much or how little to express.

The definition above rings true. Especially the medical condition, pain and ache part.

I am only in my twenties and I feel like I've had so many lifetimes. Sometimes I think back on all of the places I lived, people I was and I cannot even believe it was me. I have the best life now. The best best best best dream life. I grew up to be what I wanted to be. I have the best man in the world. I live in a beautiful house. I do exactly what I wanted to do for a living. The past life versions of me would never have believed it. They wanted it, but who really and truly gets what they want? And I wonder, would I have been different if I knew that there wouldn't be anything to worry about? What if I could have told my younger self exactly how this would unfold...who to meet and who to avoid? The thing is...I love that I went through some tough things. I LOVE it. I love that I've had my heart absolutely shattered by people, by places. I love that it made me churn out dozens and dozens of poems that to this day when I read them I'm still impressed that they came out of me. http://deenamariepoetry.blogspot.com/

Problem, if that's what it is, is that I haven't written like that in years. I could only write when I was heartbroken. When I thought I'd never survive my devastation. Not that I want to change a thing about my life right now, no. I think I'm just a little bit of a masochist. Always have been and always will be.

For an artist there's a beauty in despair. I admit it. There are days when I kind of miss that feeling. and I would give anything...anything to relieve a day in my life. I would pick a day when I lived in NYC. When I was brand new, impressionable and not even yet Deena Marie. I want to remember what it feels like to be so shattered that you produce this:

PYRO
Here's to wine
Here's to roses
Here's to restaurant bathrooms
and the same green sheets
Here's to my sexy mistake
of fucking you to all of my favorite cd's
Here's to cocktails, red wine, couches and cooking
Here's to a late alarm ~ again
and sleeping 'til two ~ thanks
Here's to a hanging chinese lantern
green means calm
and aries means pyro
here's to the poems I can't stop writing about you
here's to a lounge, to a stairwell, to a corridor, to a street
every song is a soundtrack of you
and when I cant come without seeing your face
then here's to the house of yes
yes
yes
so what if you never screamed my name
I never said I love you ~ don't forget
so you be him and I'll be her
in every drop of alcohol there's poison
and every thorn pricks hard

* * * * *
OR
* * * * *

IT HURTS

it's hurting.
life's hurting me again.
i'm being pierced in the guts
with a memory. again.
of a past life
my present life
that was just lived,
just a moment ago
but feels like it never was.
i can't breathe.
my stomach's twisting into itself again.
there's such a thing as a parallel universe
because i've seen it.
because i've lived it.
i know a boy who sits in his apartment
just like i do
on a horrible schedule he passed on to me.
too afraid of the world to fall asleep in it,
and too overwhelmed by life to wake up early.
procrastinate through the hours
so muddy. so slow. so thick.
memorizing lines.
feel worthwhile
spend your time creatively
live an artists life.

but the tv is still on
and i'm still awake

it's a two hour difference
but our minds are still in tune.
not to each other but to this life.

i accidentally brought it back

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I wonder if I remember things accurately or if in fact I idealize my precious memories. Maybe I now remember them differently and they represent something that isn't in fact the truth. I don't know.

I know I am forever lost to romanticism. I romanticize everything around me. I am so sensitive to what is around me that at moments all I want is to take a leave of absence from me.

I once had my ora read. My strongest color was one in the rarest percentile. She said it must be "hard for me to exist in this plane". Boy, you can say that again.

Anyway... sometimes I literally suffer from my NYC nostalgia. It hurst. It pains and it aches.

Today just happens to be one of those days.

I've been listening to this song over and over (and no, I don't care to explain)



I'd like to leave it at that, but because there are all kinds of people and friends who read this and follow me online I have to make sure you know I'm still a very happy person and this is not new information.

There is also the type of artist who self sabotages for this very reason and clearly I know better.

If you look a few blogs back you'll see the one about coming across old diaries. I think it's nearing the time to start posting those excerpts I promised.

So. Since I can't go back in time for my 24 hour wish, the closest I can get is to occasionally give in to my nostalgia...

Deena Marie

The latest

I am having a rare free day. A lazy, wasted day on purpose! I haven't had a day off in a long time. Not my birthday, not Easter, not weekends. I'm purposely not doing a thing today. I slept in until 11:00 AM and I'm proud to announce I'm still laying in bed in my pajamas.

We open "Amerigo" this week! Preview on wednesday, opening on thursday. I couldn't love this one more. It's been a couple of years since I've been this in love with a role / play. It's absolutely stunning. We only have two weeks of performances and it's selling out already. Here is a video with the cast, playwright and director to give you an idea of what it's about and the ticket info is at the end. Don't miss it. Seriously...DON'T.

http://tinyurl.com/y9eohag


* * * * * * * * * *

March 31, April 1 and April 2 I was asked to fill in for feature reporter Casey Scott on KUTV2 News Morning Show. Fridays show was already planned but I had to come up with the ideas for the first two mornings. It was rough to be up at 4:00 AM for the 6-8 AM show, but so worth it. I loved every minute of it. Take a look at the news clips...


3/31 Roller Derby Girls at Hollywood Connection
http://tinyurl.com/yl2ssf8

4/1 Designer, photographer & Project Runway contestant Keith Bryce
http://tinyurl.com/y8a74zn

4/2 Canyon Hobbies
http://tinyurl.com/yf746eo

* * * * * * * * * *

What do you dream about? Do you dream every night? Do you remember your dreams? I have the variations of the same dreams all the time. It's crazy. How many times can I have these recurring dreams? What does that mean?

Life is beautiful

This is part II to the blog just before the last one.
There are many, many exciting this going on right now! Now I can fully tell you, in detail, what's been happening!

I am truly lucky this year. I am in rehearsals for a one night staged reading of "Stumped" that we'll be performing on wednesday. Next week I begin rehearsals for the world premiere of "Amerigo" and I'll be playing Sor Juana. If you don't know who she is, google her. I cannot believe I get to portray someone so profound, so smart, so important. It's truly an honor. May 1st I'll be performing in a one night only benefit "Banned/Slammed" and in May, I'll start rehearsals for "Hair". Just typing that chokes me up. I get to play Sheila. It's been a dream show and role for five years now.

I know what a fickle mistress this business is and I relish each and every moment a golden opportunity comes my way. I truly know and appreciate it more than anyone will ever know. The fact that I have gotten to and WILL get to check so many dream roles off my list in my life blows my mind. Absolutely. Blows. My. Mind.

I am so full of passion about what I do sometimes I feel like I could burst. I want to cry, to scream it from the rooftops. I always have been and always will be in love with the stage, first and foremost. It is my home, it is my calling, it is what's right for me...where I feel the most beautiful and the most confident. What I crave and where I get to dress up, play pretend and escape awhile. Where I get my emotion out. Where I get a chance to tell a story to others and perhaps have the kind of affect on a person or two that seeing theatre had on me when I was little. A chance to leave a mark. To change a life. It's what gets me. Down to my bones.

Because of theatre, I met the man of my dreams and still cant wrap my head around the fact we get to do what we love together...

Four years ago I played Kate Keller in "Miracle Worker" and this exchange has been in my head ever since:
Captain: Katie, how many times can you let them break your heart?
Kate: Any number of times

Through a zillion rejections, not getting cast (when I was just certain of it and yet knowing much better than to never assume) I still believe that "any number of times" is worth it for the times when you do get it.

It's the most important, most precious way I could ever hope to spend my time and energy.

*Whew* And that's me :)

In other super duper exciting news... I get to shoot my first centerfold in a pinup magazine next sunday! I'm dying... I'm shooting with a brilliant photographer in an amazing dress with a 1932 black roadster with a red interior.

I'm just truly grateful to everyone who is reading this, who's supported me, believed in me, been kind to me and taken a chance on me. That's all I want to say...

xo

Me <3

The Animal Game

So sometimes late at night my sweetheart and I play this game we made up where one picks an animal and the other guesses what they are by asking questions. Maybe we play it too late when we are far too tired because this happens:


Me: You live underwater
Him: Am I a kitty?
Me. ...you...live...underwater...



Me: Am I mammal, bird, insect or beast?



Him: You're a bird, you're big and you don't fly
Me: An Ostrich
Him: OMG! How'd you figure that out so fast?!
Me: You said I was a bird, big and didn't fly.