I got my Ford Fiesta!

AHHHH! I'm so tired I don't even know who I am or what day it is!

I am back from Denver training! Flew out tuesday afternoon - hassled at the airport for not meeting the liquid requirements.  Two security dudes held me up forever, afraid I was going to be late.  One was a total jackass the other was really cool - so I told him all about the fiesta movement, he already knew a little bit about the fiesta coming to the US in a year! 

Plane was late taking off nearly an hour - here's where the stress level continues to build - I had my fingers crossed that my driver would be waiting for me!  Made it in only 30 minutes late, we made up for time during the flight.

Hotel.  Was.  Gorgeous.  I got to my room opened the door and saw a huge, contemporary, funky suite.  Was sad I wouldn't be spending more time in there!

We met downstairs, 8 of us total, went out to a delicious dinner, everyone was so laid back and nice!  We learned all about the fiesta movement, how to navigate our online contributions, media, etc.  Let me just say: THIS THING IS HUGE.  I mean, I knew it was when I signed on to do this - but you don't quite grasp the magnitude of it until you get there.  WHAT a once in a lifetime chance! We got some swag which included addidas sneakers, sony webbie (orange for me) cams, and fiesta movement t shirts.  

The majority of the group were guys.  I was the only "youtube celeb/personality".  The rest were mainly car enthusiasts.  Isn't it wild how the fiestamovement has brought so many people together and interested? With the fiestamovement.com site up we're able to share our own personal sites and footage.  We all want to drive this car / be involved in the movement for so many different reasons! Out of 4,000 entries the 100 agents chosen are so diverse - we cover quite a span of ages, careers and interests.  Each training session sounded like it was tons of fun with all sorts of personalities and vibes.  

Totally cool.  Gatherings like these would never happen otherwise.

I never have a spare moment and after working hard all week I was beat by the time we went back to the hotel.  I thought I'd want to hit the town, but I opted for a bottle of red wine via room service and an Ichat with Dave.  

Early morning wednesday.  Breakfast.  Learned more about the car itself.  Checked out & headed to the racetrack.  Everyone had the hot magenta or lime.  Most had graphics, but I had opted for none on "Rosalita"...little Rosie for short.   Lunch then learned how to drive a stick!! I was trained by a professional - and while I learned from the best, I knew I would not want to risk driving it on my own the first day.  I want to be 110% confident before I'm around other cars.  

My instructor drove me to the airport (after 3 laps around the track like bats outta hell where he drove and I tried not to cry, pass out & throw up a little) where Dave had flown in to drive the new car for me and we headed home from there.

I love Rosalita!  She's so tiny - she looks like a little pink space age bubblemobile from the outside, but inside you don't feel like you're in a small car.  It's so comfortable and gorgeous! We stopped for dinner at a Mexican restaurant in Laramie, Wyoming called Corona Town? Corona Ville? It's like the only thing off of the freeway exit with nothing around it and it's huge!  Totally packed with other people passing through.  

Stopped for gas and I accidentally told poor Dave the wrong type of gas (what can I say, It'd been a long day) and we were so confused trying to find a station with the right kind / nozzle.  Duh.  Figured that out.  A few hours later we stopped for gas again, got the see cashier sign and went inside only to wait forever since their systems were down.  Decided to go to the next gas station across the street, drove literally for 10 seconds and right when we pulled up to the pump? Flashing police lights behind us.  Driving with no headlights- which we hadn't realized - but no ticket, got to tell the cop about the fiestamovement and gave him a business card.  He seemed excited to check it out! Ha ha ha.  

By then it was a little before midnight when we realized we were too beat to go through the night and should probably just stay.  Found a Best Western.  Geez, what a downgrade from the night before :)  It was totally smelly but I was so happy to sleep.  When I laid down I felt like I was still moving after being in a car so long.  Good thing I don't get motion sickness! Next thing I knew, alarm went off at 7 am and we were off again.  Stopped for breakfast and finally made it back to SLC.  

I'm totally delirious.  I have so much to do it's not even funny.  I still squeezed in another driving lesson, this time with my dad and it was so much fun.  I felt like I was really getting the hang of it.  Still not ready for the road, but a lot more confident that I will be able to.  I'm not gonna push it, I'm going to take my time and practice! I never thought I'd learn how or want to learn how to drive a stick.  Never say never! 

I've given up on the fact I won't be up for a workout.  I took a nap instead.  Gotta work on my script later & get back into the swing of things this weekend.  

PS I missed my baby dog so much! My mom stayed at our house with him and I have been kissing and hugging him like crazy all day.  We're bundled in a blanket as I type this and he's sleeping...

(I'll post pictures of the last couple days sometime this weekend!)

Rehearsals, photoshoots and lots of video projects coming up! 

Goodnight! zzzzzzzz

A jet plane & elephant dreams

Pic is by my lovie 

Tomorrow is the day I fly out to the Ford Fiesta training! I'm headed to Denver, CO.  Somewhere I've never been.  I don't know how many other agents will be there, or what to expect.  All I know is I get in around 3 pm and the schedule is pretty nonstop until the following day around 4 pm.  I won't see the car until day two when they take us out to a huge racetrack! 

My sweetheart is flying out and meeting me for the long drive home.  Thank god.  We'll stop for dinner and listen to music and like always, I'll talk nonstop and make him play all sorts of games I make up on the spot.  Just like any other night at home :) 

I have it on pretty good authority I'll be getting a stick shift.  Um...I have no idea how to drive one.  So...I'm pretty scared.  But I guess it's not everyday you get a free car for six months and gas and insurance paid, right? So I'll learn!  And it's PINK!  What girl doesn't dream of her own pink car? 

Here is the official site http://www.fiestamovement.com/agents find my profile there and be sure and keep tabs - this is just the beginning and there will be so much exclusive content being posted to that site in the next six months!

*A little note about the blog before this one*  Well slap my ass and call me betty, that turned out to be so much more controversial than I thought!  I had many people message me both worried and cheering me on.  Let me just say this; my blog is another branch of my online presence.  It's something I resisted for so long because it's sort of a diary.  It just happens to be on the internet, because let's face it, what isn't these days?  

My online world is now a huge part of me.  It's now a source of work and income.  It's important to me and I liked the idea of sharing a vulnerable and intimate part of me, to show people more of who I am.  I like the idea that we teach one another by sharing life experiences.  That entry was not meant to be threatening or mean or anything other than me sharing some thoughts and feelings.  I'll never apologize for my art, my feelings or who  I am.  

This brings up a whole new conundrum...my online life mixing with my 'real' life.  How to balance that.  How to explain one to the other, when I'm someone who doesn't like to explain herself and has reasons for why I post what I post and write what I write.  For reasons that I may not always be at liberty to say.  

Next topic.  The dream I had friday night:

I was outside and found a pen on an old run down farm, nobody in sight.  No people, no animals...just one little baby elephant.  I knew it was alone so I put it in a blanket and was carrying it around like a baby.  It was resting it's head on my shoulder.  I wanted to keep it but knew it would get too big (duh), so I was trying to find it help or take it to a vet.  I finally found one and they were really busy and said they'd see me as soon as the people in front of me were seen.  One doctor passed by and looked at it and told me "it has a broken heart".  I went outside to find Dave to tell him I was gonna wait at the vet until they could see the elephant, and I woke up.  

Today I was with my mom and told her about this dream & she said that just yesterday on the CBS Sunday Morning show there was a segment on an elephant orphanage in Kenya where they raise baby elephants who's moms have been killed by poachers.  Some make it, some don't.  Some die...from grief.  A broken heart.

WHAT DOES THAT ALL MEAN?!

How did I dream that and why would I dream that without seeing that?!?!

Anyway...enough of this and I can't wait to leave tomorrow and be around new people and new surroundings!  

I need to travel!  I need adventure!

I'm determined to make this summer (except for May, what with "Infantry Monologues") all about it.  And yes, I've booked everything for the Youtube gathering this July.  I say it all the time, how I miss NYC so much and hate that I get farther away from my old life there everyday.

I bought the hotel and flight...and burst into tears :)

xo Deena Marie

Loyal Friends & Mean Girls

After seeing some tweets of an online friend about mean girls a few weeks back, and recently having a conversation with a real life friend about loyal friends, I figured it was time to blog it, bitches.  

It's perfect timing, since I was trying to make sense of recent events in my own life having to do with both of these subjects.  Is there something in the air?!  

I had what I thought was a very dear friend at one time horribly betray me right before a very very, very important time in my life.  I have had no contact with her in two years and don't want any.  It's hard for me to forgive, like I've said before.  I don't forget.  I could possibly move past it, given the time and chance, but if an apology was never attempted then there goes that chance.  

Without getting into it all, let me just say this was a person I was always there for, listening too, counseling, etc.  She was a hot mess.  Couldn't keep a friendship, boyfriend or a job.  Yet she always told me how it was the other person, how people were always so mean to her, constantly mistreating her.  I believed it the first few years until I got fucked over and realized, "Wait - the common factor in all of this is YOU!"  

Took me a long time to see it, despite the warning signs and warnings of other people, but I did.  After/during the falling out, she kept contacting me and trying to hash this all out when I clearly couldn't and she knew it was not the time and place.  In order to move on with my life in a healthy way, I had to cut her out.  I blocked her online and she deleted her accounts.  

Time passed and recently she popped up on FB in 'people you may know'.  I was shocked to  see we had more than just a few friends in common.  She had not tried to contact me, but she sure went ahead and mooched off of all my friends...people that I know and am in contact with regularly.  Was she trying to reach out to me? I don't think so.  Trying to look like she has friends? I guess.  Was it creepy? YES!  I contacted those "mutual friends" with a warning she was lurking my sites, requesting my contacts.  They could care less about her, told me so themselves, but there she is.  

For what? To spy on me?! Move on! It's not like we got in a fight over a borrowed outfit, this was a big fucking deal and does she not realize how spooky this is coming across?! And do those "mutual friends" realize the message this sends? That her behavior is acceptable?! This brings me back to loyalty.  Finding loyal friends is HARD!  Really, really, really, really hard. 

There are people I can trust.  More than a few.  But I find myself constantly let down when someone doesn't follow through.  If you say you feel a certain way, or you're going to do something, fucking STICK TO YOUR GUNS! Back it up!  I know I've said this before, I demand a lot of myself and so I demand a lot from others.  

Now, nothing has/would happen in the sense that I'd cut anyone out of my life who's currently in it.  No.  But I still find those moments of, "Arghhh, why?! Why are you being fake to that person when you just said you don't like them?! Why did you end up doing something you'd just been talking shit on!?!"  I.  Don't.  Get.  It.  If I don't like you?  I'm not going to call you.  I'm not going to fucking facebook you with a compliment I don't mean and I'm not going to invite you out with me.  Isn't that much more honest? No? Yes? 

Okay now these two topics are getting a bit more jumbled than I thought they would, but I'm going to keep going.  There was something that happened with another online personality awhile ago and I didn't really talk about it but has to do with all of this, mainly mean girls.  Someone who clearly felt threatened by me and took it upon herself to send me a beyond ridiculous myspace message and then again much more recently post more hateful comments, even here! On this little old blog that only has, what, 43 followers?!  

I'm a tough girl, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me.  Why did it bother me? Because she doesn't know me.  I don't know her.  It's scary that someone takes that time out to leave you nasty comments.  And another girl? It's beyond creepy.  If someone goes out of their way to hate on you, it's clearly because they're threatened by you, they're jealous.  Otherwise they wouldn't.  It's that simple.  God, if I felt that way about someone I would never, ever behave that way.  Why would you want to show your weaknesses so blatantly? Look so childish? Grow up, work on your own art and stop obsessing over me or whoever else you're trying to harass.  Online, of all places.  

Good lord.  

I just don't understand cruel behavior.  Woman to woman.  Especially as I get older.  Girlfriends are so important.  It's important to invest time and loyalty to the friendships you have.  There's just too many catty bitches out there.  I think it's important to check in on your friends and ask how they are, look out for them.  And support them.  They take the priority over someone you've met a handful of times.  No pretense, no backhanded bullshit.  If it's someone you really honest to god care for, then be in their corner and please, please ladies; remain loyal and knock off the nonsense. 

Not that we all can't use a reminder to practice what we preach and say what we mean and mean what we say.  Lord knows none of us are perfect. 

I'm frustrated.  Sometimes I think maybe I'm too loyal and too passionate for my own good. 

Deena Marie 

"Growing Up"

LOOK! My "vampire" shots are finally here! DC Snaps photography click for larger view!

Since I just had a birthday on March 27, 

I thought it was a good time to write a blog on what I've learned so far...

A birthday is kind of like new years, isn't it? 

Another chance to grab life by the balls and start again.

*Confidence really is everything.  It's the magic key to conquering the world.

*Whoever said money doesn't buy happiness is wack. No, really. 

I'm certain that having oodles of it would solve any problem that one could ever encounter.  Think about it.  Now if only a briefcase of a billion dollars would show up on my front porch.

*Why burlesque  / pinup shoots? Why not! You're only young once.  I'm not gonna look like this forever. One day I'll be a wrinkly old granny who will be very happy to have those old pictures!

*There are no rules in life.  There is no such thing as right or wrong.  We make our own rules as we go, no matter how we were raised.  Ideals change all the time and that's ok.

*Never underestimate the importance of your girlfriends.   Treat them well.  Make an effort.

*I will always have a restless / vagabond spirit.  

*Everyone is judgemental.  Even those who claim not to be.  They may not even know it.

*I think too much.  I analyze way to much the older I get.  I need to knock it off. 

*I like where I live.  I get defensive when people ask me how I can possibly live in UT.  

I've poked fun at some things, but come on! Clearly if it was from hell, I'd move.  

*Trust until you're given a reason not to. 

*I have a hard time giving a second chance.  I demand a lot from myself, therefore I demand a lot from others.

*I have a love / hate relationship with having a busy / productive schedule.

*I long to travel.

*If I love you, then I love you.  If I don't like you, I don't like you.  I probably won't flip flop.

I'm very black and white. 

*I can't believe there are people out there against marriage equality for all.  It blows my mind.  

*I like to keep my truly private life private to the world.

*I really really really love my puppy!

In other news! I HAVE BEEN CHOSEN as 1 of 100 FORD FIESTA AGENTS! 

For those of you who don't know, it was a contest on Youtube.  You made a video on why 

you'd be perfect for the contest.  They wanted people with a strong internet presence.  

I got the call a couple of days ago.  I'll be flying out late this month for training, and driving the car home! Each month we're assigned a new mission involving the car and video making.

Now head over to www.youtube.com/BeanerLaRue for the new video, "It's Prom Season"

xoxo Deena